We Don't Need Another Hero
by SimpleSerenity
Summary: The musings of a pregnant River Tam as she looks back on her time so far on Serenity, its eclectic crew and the man she fell for.
1. Simon and River

**WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER HERO**

**Summary**: The musings of a pregnant River Tam as she looks back on her time so far on Serenity, its eclectic crew and the man she fell for.

**Pairings**: Mainly Jayne/River, with a little Mal/Inara, Simon/Kaylee and Wash/Zoë.

**Rating**: Anywhere from PG to R.

**Time Frame**: The 'present day' of the story is set a few years after Miranda, but flashbacks will show times directly after the film, during the series and even before the series.

**Notes**: This is technically all one story, but it is not a linear one. It's a series of stories threaded together by River's point of view and (often unique) opinions. Each story will tell us a little something about River or the person/relationship she's pondering. It will be a twelve part series. Also, this story previously had the working title 'Remember When'.

**-O-**

**Part 1**

_**Simon and River**_

It was midnight and Serenity was sleeping. River was not.

She quickly escaped from her room, her bare feet soundless. She threw a glance over her shoulder at the figure she left sleeping behind her. Usually, when River got itchy feet and found the need to wander the ship, staving off insomnia, he would wake up. He wouldn't wake tonight though. Contrary to what most believed, Jayne was not always a heavy sleeper.

River fluttered onto the bridge and stared out at the black. She breathed deeply, almost as if the stars and the space and the endlessness had a scent and she could smell it. And she could. She ran a fond hand over the fluffy woollen cover than Wash had put on the pilot's chair long before she'd ever known about Serenity, about this life. Long before he would die. River knew that he had liked the odd but comforting look the sheep-skin cover gave the chair. He'd liked that it was _**his**_ chair and he could decorate it as he deemed fit. That in a ship that wasn't his, at least _**something**_ was.

River sank into the chair that was still Wash's, and gazed out into the abyss, letting it swallow her up. She would have pulled her knees up to her chest as she usually did, but these days that was inconvenient – and quite impossible really.

River's pregnant belly was nothing but a slight, almost imperceptible bump to the casual observer, especially in the baggy nightdress she was wearing. But she knew better, as did Serenity's family. River was very much with child, a child that Serenity was supposed to welcome in just over four months, if Simon was right. And he wasn't. This baby was destined for an early, unexpected arrival, but River just wasn't quite sure _**when**_ this arrival would be.

River and Jayne's baby wouldn't be the first to be birthed aboard Serenity.

Almost two years ago, Zoë had brought Hoban Washburne the Second into the world – in the middle of a meteor shower no less. It had been a chaotic day to say the least. While he was being born, River had been weaving her way through the onslaught, with Jayne shouting unhelpfully over her shoulder, much like a backseat driver from Earth-That-Was. Mal had been alternating between panicking on the bridge about the meteor shower, to panicking _**hysterically**_ in the infirmary about Zoë's labour. Simon had played midwife for only the second time in his career, but everything had gone well.

Kaylee and Inara had been everyone's saving graces. Inara had aided Simon and had kept Mal calm, for he had been the one having the biggest mental breakdown that day. And Kaylee, she had worked her jiggery-pokery down in the engine room to help River evade the meteors threatening to end not only their lives, but Zoë's son's life — before it had even begun.

Hobie, or Junior as he was known to Zoë and Mal, was a driving force on the ship, even at the tender age of one and three-quarters. With smooth dusky skin and spiky black hair, he had Zoë's pouty lips and Wash's quizzical frown. He was stubborn and brave to a fault, and then funny and tender seconds later. River could only hope that her child turned out to be such a balanced mixture of mother and father.

She wondered if this baby would have any brothers and sisters. If the happy mistake that this baby was would lead to other _**planned**_ happy mistakes. Would she and Jayne bring an entire little family to the good ship Serenity? River sighed melancholically. She didn't know if she wanted more, all she knew was what the quiet comfort of having a sibling to protect you felt like. Simon had always been watching over her, ever since he'd been a five year old whose life had been rudely invaded by a screaming, unnaturally intelligent infant.

Simon had saved River's life so many times. And River had saved Simon's life just as many times too.

In the last few years, she'd saved her older brother in battles on and off Serenity. Sometimes, he'd been playing the part of high-flying Core businessman and gotten caught up in the brawl… but mostly, he'd simply gotten in the way inadvertently when he should've been elsewhere. And when the gun was out of reach, and his fists couldn't help, and there was no one around to save him… River saved him.

It had been a beautiful shock then to discover one day that someone _**else**_ had saved Simon. It had been on a planet side day, their last of a three day pit stop. Zoë and her son had stayed with the ship, while Jayne, Mal and Simon had set about meeting a new contact in a local bar. River and Kaylee had gone shopping for pretties for themselves, and then gone shopping for pretties for Serenity in the scrap yard.

In the midst of the metal and the mess, River had suddenly realised that someone she loved had been shot…

**-O-**

The silence in the infirmary was deafening. Jayne was steadfastly refusing to meet Simon's eyes. Instead he stared down at his shoulder as Simon's hands made quick work of the bullet wound. Every now and then, Simon would glance up as he stitched the injury, trying to catch Jayne's gaze, but to no avail. Jayne was an irritatingly stubborn man.

Finally, Simon backed away and discarded his bloody gloves. "All patched up. Those stitches should be fine, as long as you don't strain your shoulder. No lifting weights for a few weeks— and definitely no getting into fights."

"Yeah, yeah," Jayne muttered. "I can still shoot with the other damn arm."

Simon stared up at Jayne as he fussed over getting into the new shirt Zoë had dropped in to him. "Look… Jayne…"

Jayne, without bothering to look up, cut him off right at that. "I'd really like to avoid any touchy feely moments o' gratitude 'n' weepin' here Doc," he said sternly, hissing as he eased into the t-shirt.

Simon nodded vigorously and held his hands up in understanding. "Of course! I agree whole-heartedly. I'd like to avoid any kind of weeping also. Not to say I'm not thankful, I am… just— why did you do it?"

Jayne sighed heavily, almost as if Simon were a very stupid child. Simon recognised that sigh. He heard it from River almost daily— often followed by her classic 'boob' comment.

Jayne looked at Simon squarely. "I only meant to push ya outta the damn way. I never meant t'actually take the bullet myself. Doesn't matter anyhow, 'cause you ain't got the knack for takin' a bullet Doc. Y'already been shot twice now. Personal like, I think that's two times too many for a… slightly more brain than brawn kinda fella such as yourself. Fact is, probably would've been the end of ya, bein' as y'are. Guess it ain't your fault that you're more or less a pansy," Jayne commented casually, apparently unaware that rather than complimenting Simon, he was insulting him. "I been shot nigh on twenty-three times myself. I can take it, believe me," he snorted.

Simon raised his eyebrows, fighting the urge to be impressed and failing. He _was_ impressed. Either Jayne was incredibly stupid for being shot _**all**_ those twenty-three times — or he was incredibly smart for being shot _**only**_ twenty-three times.

"Twenty-three?" Simon remarked. "It's amazing you're still here."

Jayne shrugged, and winced as the movement caused sharp bursts of pain to shoot through his shoulder. "Been stabbed about three dozen times too. Been in too many fist fights to rightly recall. You're good at doctorin', I'm good at fightin'. We's all born with our own specialities."

"I suppose we are."

"'Sides… River 'n' Kaylee'd give me a hurt worse'n any bullet could if I'd have let ya get all riddled with holes. I see it as the lesser o' two evils."

And at that, River appeared in the doorway, breathless but calm. Kaylee was not so. She hurried up behind River, looking panicked and troubled.

"You got shot," River said deadpan.

"I did at that," Jayne replied.

River went to Jayne's side but didn't touch him. She just stared at him with those big eyes. Her stare conveyed more than any touch could anyway. It was personal, deep, sensual. For him.

"You got shot instead of Simon," she countered.

Kaylee's eyes went wide. "Simon? Are you okay? We was over'n the scrap yard when she jus' clean ran outta there. She knew there'd been some kinda gun fight when you guys went out on the job." She went to Simon and began pulling at him, lifting his arms up, turning him around, making sure he had no bullet holes in him that he hadn't noticed yet.

"When _**ain't**_ there a gun fight when we're out on the job?" Jayne said sarcastically.

Simon smiled at Kaylee. "I'm fine. Like River said, Jayne took the bullet for me. Was kind of noble really."

"Noble. Yeah. That's me all over," Jayne stated. He looked to River expectantly. "Can you sex me up now? 'Cause I got shot. I got shot saving your _**brother**_. That deserves _**some**_ kind of sexin' at least."

Simon paused in his chat with Kaylee, his mouth open, eyes scandalised. He looked at the injection in his hand, wondering if he should take a few shots, and make himself forget what he'd just heard.

River just smiled sweetly. "Go to my room. You need to rest. And don't bleed on my bed."

Jayne growled and rolled his eyes. "So much for nobility," he muttered, stomping out of the infirmary.

River looked to Simon. "You're a good brother."

"Thanks," Simon said, a tad bewildered.

River kissed his cheek. "I think I'll keep you."

Simon stared after her as she flitted out of the infirmary, smiling distantly as her words conjured up a memory.

Kaylee meanwhile, just looked confused about the comment. "Did that mean somethin' I didn't quite catch?"

Simon just beamed at the beautiful mechanic beside him. "It means everything," he said simply.

While Jayne would have very much enjoyed some sexing from River, the painkiller Simon had given him had made him lethargic. He found himself sprawled on River's bed, sluggishly insisting that he was fine, when he was clearly wasn't. River simply crossed her arms and gave him an imperious look.

"Jayne, can you even _**see**_ me?" she asked, a smart smile playing on her lips.

Jayne's protestations were swift and loud. "I _**can**_ see you! You're right over there!" he said, gesturing in the general direction of the door – which she was actually standing about eight feet from. "Yep. There y'are. Right there. 'Cept you're just a little… wavy is all. 'Sides that I can see you perfect."

"I think not," River snorted.

Jayne's chest rumbled with idle grumbling, but River just smiled indulgently at him. She fluttered over to the bed and perched on it beside him. The tiny bee approaching the flower. Albeit, a large, and very manly flower. She slipped her skinny legs under him and sat against the wall, Jayne's head resting in her lap.

"You got shot."

"Yeah well, Mal's gotten me shot up a plenty o' times before on a job. Ain't nothin' new. He prefers it more to _**him**_ gettin' shot. Funny that," Jayne murmured, his eyes blinking shut.

"I think he believes that _**you're**_ at fault for all the times _**he's**_ been shot," River mused.

"Girl, Mal don't need me to get hisself shot. People just look at him and they wanna shoot him. He's got one o' those faces. Looks like he's just needin' to be shot, y'know?" Jayne rambled, yawning.

"I know," River replied, a small smile on her lips.

She buried her fingers in Jayne's thick hair, kneading his scalp, lulling him to sleep with her warm hands and gentle murmurs. Not that he needed it. Simon's drugs were flowing fast and full through his system, River knew. Soon Jayne would be quite unconscious, and would remain that way for at least sixteen hours, if she was correct. And River was rarely _**in**_correct.

She lowered her lips to the top of his head, placing a chaste kiss there. "Thank you."

"Thanks for gettin' shot?" Jayne murmured softly.

"Thanks for saving my brother's life," River answered.

He hadn't heard her though. He'd passed that barrier between waking and sleeping. He couldn't hear a word she said. But she said it anyway.

River looked down on him. "You saved his life. If you hadn't pushed him out of the way that bullet would have hit him in the throat. He would have died within five minutes," she told the sleeping Jayne, her deceptively sweet and girlish voice echoing around the room. "He would've died," she repeated slowly to herself.

Her eyes prickled with tears over the death that Simon had not suffered, but very nearly could have. If Simon hadn't been standing where he had been standing. If Jayne hadn't been standing where _**he'd**_ been standing. If Simon had moved in a different direction. If Jayne had not had the quick reflexes he had.

If, if, if…

If one of a million things had happened another way, Simon would be gone. But he wasn't.

River got to keep her brother once again.

**-O-**

River smiled into the silence and darkness of the bridge.

No one could have guessed that Jayne would ever end up saving Simon's life, let alone take a bullet for him. River knew he'd never meant to take the hit instead, he'd merely intended to pull Simon out of the line of fire, but in any case, Jayne's twenty-fourth bullet wound had certainly earned him some points with his girlfriend's disapproving brother, accidental or not.

_**I think I'll keep you. **_

She remembered when she'd first said that to Simon. It hadn't been that day in the infirmary… no, it'd been long before that. Before Serenity, before the Academy, back when River had still been just a gifted child and Simon a gifted doctor-in-training. She had been thirteen years old and he eighteen.

Simon had grown up a lot since they were kids playing Alliance vs. Independents, but it was only since he'd begun training to be a doctor that he'd really started to change. He was more quiet, more serious and studious – if possible. He played less and worked more. He rarely enjoyed a night off from study to simply be a teenager.

As his academy's youngest trainee, he'd had a lot of pressure on him to excel. River hadn't understood that. She hadn't wanted to. She'd wanted her smart, witty and fun big brother back…

**-O-**

River stalked into Simon's room and ground to a halt in front of his desk. Planting her hands on her hips she glared down at her brother. "Simon! What's wrong with you?"

Simon didn't look up from his work. "Nothing's wrong with me," he said in monotone, obviously still immersed in his research.

River's eyes flared. If it was one thing she hated, it was being ignored. "Come out and play then! The Independents are crushing us Simon. You're going to lose your standing as Sergeant if you don't enter the battle soon!"

Simon rolled his eyes and shook his head, but still didn't look up. "I'm trying to work on this River! Just leave me be!" he exclaimed.

River sneered. "Simon, you're so boring since you started at the MedAcad. All you do is talk about amputations and brain transplants and stem cell harvesting!" she spat.

Simon finally looked up at her, impatience and irritation etched across his handsome young face. "River! Do you know how important this is? This counts for a tenth of my overall mark for the year! If I fail this assignment I don't get into the top three per cent! Only the doctors in the highest percentile are considered for places in Core hospitals!" he told her tensely.

"So what?" River snorted. "Oh no, you might only get into the top _**four**_ per cent? How shocking! Mother and Father will disown you!" she said in a sing-song voice.

She yanked one of the encyclopaedias he'd been using out from under his elbows and dropped it on the floor with a thump. Simon's features jumped in anger and he half stood, making a grab for her. River danced away, her skirt spinning around her legs as she giggled mischievously.

Simon sat back down, but his anger only escalated as River tittered and flounced about. "They'll disown _**you**_ if you don't stop this!" he shouted at her. "Do you know how much they want this for me? How much they want me to be a successful doctor? All you do prance around and correct silly random facts that mean nothing River! You _**have**_ to start growing up! This is the real world now. This isn't some imaginary battlefield!"

River stopped spinning immediately. She stood frozen though her hair was still bouncing on her shoulders after her sharp turn. She scowled harshly at Simon. "It's _**not**_ imaginary."

"What?"

"It's not an imaginary battlefield!" she insisted hotly. "I didn't make it up you know! There's a real war going on Simon!"

"I know that," Simon stated in a dull tone.

"No, you don't!" River retorted. She stalked over to the desk, planting her hands on it. She stared her eighteen year old brother right in the face, her big eyes wild and furious. "All you know is the MedAcad and studying and dinner parties and pleasing our parents. I think it's _**you**_ who doesn't know what the real world is like Simon. The real world _**is**_ a battlefield!" she insisted. Her hard expression faded and she frowned mournfully all of a sudden. "Maybe I'm just practising."

"Practising for _**what**_ River?" Simon snapped.

"For when I have to go to war," River replied distantly, her eyes not looking quite _**at**_ him but _**through**_ him, to some far off place that only she could see.

Simon paused at the abrupt melancholy on her face, and the sadness of her words, but shook it off. It was just River's usual ridiculousness. "Of course. For when you go to war," he simpered sarcastically. "Well excuse me if I can't make it to the Front. I'm afraid I might have something that actually _**matters**_ to do."

River snapped out of it, and her eyes focused back on him. "Fine. Have it your way Simon. Maybe I just need to find a new brother. Looks like the old one has turned into someone I don't particularly like anymore," she said softly, but her voice shook with anger.

"Looks like!" Simon shouted back.

River stormed out of the room then, slamming the door behind her. Simon's whole body tensed as his sister could be heard stomping all the way through the house on the way to her room. He let out a huge sigh and slumped over on his desk, head buried in his arms.

What was he supposed to do now?

He loved River, he loved her whole-heartedly, but he simply did not have the time or energy for her wild games and erratic moods anymore. River had always been a handful. Her seemingly boundless intelligence was something that needed total concentration in order to deal with. And what with school and so much study and field work and assignments and the pressure and the almost daily sermons he got from his father… it was all so much to take.

Something had to suffer in order for him to succeed. And he was sorry that it was his relationship with River. His time playing with her was treasured, but it was something he'd grown out of. He was five year older than her. There was bound to be a point where he was no longer able to play such childish games with her. And she, at thirteen, with her absolutely incomparable mind and talents… he was surprised _**she**_ hadn't grown out of such things too.

Simon got up and began to pace his room.

But those thoughts didn't ring true in his head. They simply couldn't. Was being a doctor more important than being a brother? He loved medicine. And while it wasn't the only thing he was good at, not by any means, it was the only thing he really, truly enjoyed. It was his calling.

And River… River was a brat. Loud. Selfish. Sarcastic. Annoying. Attention-seeking. Childish. His sister.

Simon smiled. When he thought about it like that, the answer was so very simple. Medicine or River?

River.

He'd choose her in a heartbeat because it didn't matter that she was sarcastic and annoying and childish and a thousand other things… No, wait, in fact it _**did**_ matter. Those things just contributed to his love for her. She wouldn't be River if she wasn't a loud and selfish brat.

Simon looked over at his desk which was totally covered in diagrams and holo-paedias and heavy tomes and notes and models…. And he looked at the door. Without another second's deliberation he headed out the door and went directly to River's room. He knocked but knew she wouldn't answer. Stubborn to the last.

He entered and saw her lying on her bed, her back to him. He gently closed the door behind him, and then let his gaze sweep over River's room, which was like a carnival of treasures. It was a mish-mash of all the different facets of her personality – the art easel in the corner, the ceiling-to-floor bookshelf with some of the longest novels in existence, all of which she'd read, the ballet shoes hanging from her wardrobe door, the science project on her desk, the tiny Alliance and Independent soldiers they had once made scattered all over the floor, the dozens of notebooks piled under her bed filled with stories and thoughts and ramblings that mostly made no sense.

Simon tip-toed over and knelt by her bed. "I'm sorry River," he said quietly.

There was a pause, and then—

"Sorry's not good enough Simon," River snapped, without turning to look at him.

"Then what is?" Simon asked.

"Public humiliation?" River suggested, and he didn't doubt for a minute her absolute seriousness.

"Public humiliation, hmm? Don't you humiliate me in public enough as it is?" Simon teased.

River turned over to look at him, pouting. "Apparently, it seems you could use a little more."

"Apparently so," Simon returned with a teasing grin. His expression turned serious. "River… I really am sorry. So sorry."

River nodded slightly. "I know."

Simon gave her a lopsided grin. "Are you still going to look for a new brother?"

River reached up and put her hand on his cheek. "I think I'll keep you," she said softly.

"Good," Simon whispered with a laugh. "I'd hate to be replaced."

"No one could ever replace you," River said tenderly. Then she grinned. "I mean, how could I possibly find someone who's as much of a boob as you?"

Simon's face froze in a half-scandalised, half-delighted expression. He poked her in the stomach and she reached out and whacked him in the shoulder in retaliation, her surprising strength knocking him back on the carpet.

River crossed her arms in a self-satisfied manner. "I win. Again."

Simon raised his eyebrows. "Oh? Well let's see who wins in the Battle of the Shin Yen Pass!" he exclaimed, grabbing a little Alliance soldier figure from the floor.

River laughed. "I will."

"No, you won't."

River shrugged as she lowered herself to the floor beside him. "I will," she repeated with strangely convincing certainty.

**-O-**

And she _**did**_ win, just as she had said she would.

Impulsively, River reached across the console. In the midst of all of Wash's beloved dinosaurs were some of River's own additions to his little army of plastic creatures. She made a grab for one, and flitted from the bridge. Serenity's dark and warm corridors wrapped around River and her sleeping child, keeping them comforted as they made their solitary way to Simon's room.

She gently slid the door open. Simon was sleeping alone tonight. Both he and Kaylee, like River and Jayne, still kept separate rooms in case they just wanted some alone time at night, or were simply too tired to bother with pleasantries. River found it worked very well, especially when Jayne was in one of his rampaging-angry-man moods after a job gone wrong, or when she had one of her bad days and needed to sort out the tangled web inside her mind alone.

The low lights in Simon's room were still on, shining a golden glow over her brother's sleeping form. He was half-sitting, half-slouching in the bed, a heavy medical volume lying on his chest. He had fallen asleep reading again. River tip-toed in, smiling fondly at her brother's haphazard appearance.

"Such a boob," River whispered, shaking her head.

She knelt by his bed, so similar to how he'd once knelt by _**her**_ bed all those years ago. She reached out and took the weighty book off of Simon's chest, vaguely thinking how much easier it would be to breathe now that that monstrosity wasn't pressing down on his lungs. She brushed his dark hair off of his forehead with a feather light touch.

He never even stirred.

He would hardly have known she was ever there, but for the book being moved and for the plastic figure he found on his bedside the next morning. A little Independent solider. They were no longer Alliance sergeants anymore, he supposed. They'd switched sides a long time ago.

After River had put the little figure down and slipped out of Simon's room, she went back to her own. Her bed was a mess of tangled sheets and sleeping mercenary. She slipped back into the warm cocoon, taking in the heady scent of the day gone by and promises of tomorrow and the father of her child.

In the dull blue glow that seeped into the room from the corridor outside, River's keen eyes found the shiny, almost unnoticeable scar on Jayne's shoulder, just above that tattoo that she adored and abhorred all at once. She propped herself up on her elbow and ran her fingertips over the mark, studying it.

"I am awake y'know."

The soft, rumbling voice didn't surprise her. "I know," she replied softly.

Jayne didn't even open his eyes. His mouth merely tugged into a smile that only River and the darkness could see.

River lay down by Jayne and closed her eyes. Neither of them was touching one another, but they could feel each other's presence and warmth. Before she fell into that dizzy, murky black of sleep, she felt his hand come to rest low on her stomach.

River smiled into the pillow and murmured to herself. "I think I'll keep you too."

**-O-**


	2. Mal and Inara

**Part 2**

_Mal and Inara_

Serenity was silent. Her crew was not.

Serenity listened intently as the people within her laughed and played and screamed and cried and argued…

In the common area, Kaylee was sprawled across the sofa, stretching her arm back to keep an apricot out of Simon's reach, who was tickling her to make her give it to him. His deep laughs of indignation and her high-pitched giggles of delight echoed throughout the ship.

Zoë was in the cargo hold, moving crates. Hobie sat on a blanket nearby. She glanced up on hearing the laughter of the two lovers. She smiled and looked back at her son who was studying Wash's favourite dinosaur with intense concentration. Zoë had thought it was about time Junior became acquainted with the toys his father had spent so much time playing with. So far, the only purpose the toddler had found for the dinosaurs was chewing on their tails.

Jayne stomped across the walk above her and Hobie, scowling at the sound of Kaylee's giggling. Zoë had been able to hear him arguing with River just a few moments before. Their vicious shouting match had been a harsh counterpoint to Kaylee and Simon's affectionate laughter. Like anyone could miss the sound of Jayne yelling at the top of his voice. Zoë had a fond respect for the bond between him and River. She knew what it was like to be one half of a seemingly odd pairing. No one had been odder than her and Wash until River and Jayne had become an item.

Zoë nodded up to Jayne, and he nodded back, before returning to his scowling. He then paused all of a sudden and looked like he'd changed his mind about something. He turned on his heel and stomped right back to where he had come from.

Zoë pursed her lips and knelt down to stroke Hobie's head. She suspected that Jayne was heading back to River to resume their argument.

"Looks like the fireworks ain't over, huh baby?" she murmured to her son.

River had known that Jayne was going to come back even before he did. He always came back after storming out on an argument. Never to apologise though, usually it was to add something more than he'd left out first time round. River and Jayne's arguments were never short, never quiet, and never easily resolved.

They were _**not**_ a perfect match. In fact the first thing people noticed about them was how _**im**_perfect they were together. And these flaws that everyone saw were the very flaws that caused so much trouble between them. Two things that definitely didn't mesh well were Jayne's temper with River's eccentricities.

Jayne didn't have Simon's endless patience, and nor did he want it. When River reverted back to the River he had first met, the very eccentric, slightly unhinged one, his reaction was to just try and make her snap out of it as quickly as possible. This method of screaming at her until _**she**_ stopped screaming at _**him**_ rarely worked. Nevertheless, Jayne favoured it over that patience idea.

It was so difficult to tell her that his rage wasn't always because she was acting crazy, it was because of _**why**_ she was acting crazy. What had happened to her mind. What was _**still**_ happening to her mind. Jayne could barely comprehend the unfairness of it, that her suffering was so pointless, that the days she wasted in blind panics and screaming fits were so very pointless. An Alliance experiment carried out with the most fragile bits and pieces of her brain.

All he could do was shout and rage, because there was nothing else _**to**_ do. No way he could fix it. No one person to exact revenge upon. No miracle cure he could hunt down. No perfect solution to a madness she should never have had. No way of taking all of her bad days away. And unfortunately, today was one of those bad days.

Eccentric, unhinged River was very much present. From the moment she had woken up, River had known that the day would be a trying one at best. Today they were doing a job, for Patience of all people. Mal had orchestrated a shaky truce with her in order for them to cooperate in a mutually beneficial job on Whitefall. Everyone on Serenity knew that something was bound to go wrong, and Mal had asked River to go along so she could Read the situation for them and give them the upper hand.

She'd been going on jobs for quite a while now, given that she was one of the most deadly fighters, possibly across every planet in the galaxy, and as a Reader, she had an even deadly edge, as she knew every move her opponent would make before they made it.

She'd stopped going regularly in the last few as she grew bigger. This would be her first job in about two months. And today of all days, River knew she wasn't in any state to be able to Read properly. She could barely gather her thoughts long enough to remember who she was, let alone take a walk through someone else's mind and sort through _**their**_ thoughts.

As Jayne made his way back to her room, ready to begin their argument all over again, River sat down on her bed, one hand pressed against her temple. Everything was singing and screaming at the same time. Nothing was in order. Her brainpan was untidy. She hated that. She wanted to sink her fingers into her head and organise everything neatly. But she couldn't. She never could.

Jayne appeared at the door, his mouth open, ready to voice his indignation.

River held a hand up. "Be quiet."

"You didn't gimme the chance to say nothin'!"

"I know what you were going to say," she stated.

Jayne rolled his eyes and leaned heavily against the doorframe, irritation etched across his features. "'Course ya did. Never can have a thought to myself, can I?"

River glared at him. "That's not _**my**_ fault! If you want a thought to yourself then go away! Then maybe _**I**_ could have a thought to _**myself**_ too!"

Jayne's hard expression didn't falter, but he didn't shout back at her either. "What's wrong? I been doin' nothin' but tryin' to please you all day, fetchin' 'n' carryin'… Gorram it, I can't make miracles happen! I can't fix your brain for ya. It ain't my fault you're havin' a bad day."

River flopped back on the bed listlessly. "I wish I could go to the wizard and get a brain. Just like the scarecrow," she murmured hopelessly.

She could feel the heady red waves of anger that were emanating from Jayne lessen and lessen the longer he stood there watching her.

Jayne sighed heavily. "Y'already got one. It's just a mite more troublesome than other people's."

"I won't be of any help on the job today. I can't be. There are too many people shouting at me. I won't be able to hear anyone else. Mal's going to be mad."

"Mal knows your brain's all unpredictable. He won't blame ya none," Jayne said gruffly.

River stared at the ceiling. "He will. He won't mean to. But he will. He'll get shot today, you know. He'll get shot in the leg. You should tell him that. It probably won't make a difference. He'll _**still**_ get shot," she said mournfully.

The last of Jayne's anger ebbed away as he heard her sorrowful tone. Hating that he'd forgotten to make that point he'd come back to make – what had it even been? - he sat beside her on the bed. Her legs were hanging off the foot of the bed swinging to a rhythm only she could hear. Her back was laid out flat on the bed, her face turned to the ceiling. Her stomach was a gentle but odd-looking rise against the rest of her slim body.

And Jayne couldn't help but love every inch of her skinny little body and crazy little mind, despite how furious she made him.

"We managed without ya 'fore you 'n' your brother came. We'll get by without ya today. I didn't want you goin' on the job anyway."

"Not your decision," River replied defiantly, still staring at the ceiling.

He leaned over and invaded her vision. "But it's my baby," he pointed out with a self-satisfied smile. "And I don't want it gettin' hurt, 'specially if you're all bewildered out on the job and can't make sense o' nothin'."

And as if on cue, River cringed and pressed her hands to her ears. "Make them go away!"

"Who?" Jayne asked calmly.

"Mal and Inara. They're arguing over me. Arguing over themselves. Arguing over everything. Always arguing. They never stop," River murmured.

Jayne snorted. "Nothin' in the 'verse is gonna stop those two from arguin'. Their quarrel's with each other so don't worry none. They'd argue over the colour of the black if it weren't… y'know… the _black_…"

River let out an inadvertent snort of laughter at that.

"Go do somethin' to take your mind off it… rearrange your brother's shiny doctorin' stuff so he don't know where it's all gone to. Now _**that**_ I'd take enjoyment from."

River looked at Jayne wryly. "I know you would."

Jayne merely shrugged. "I guess I'm just mean," he said, burying a hand in all her long hair that was spread out across the bed.

River reached out and put a hand on his jaw, running her thumb over the prickly stubble. "No, you're not."

Jayne stiffened slightly and shifted away from her. "Yes I am," he stated firmly, sitting on the end of the bed. "A mean old man."

River, despite her swollen stomach, sat up easily. She pressed her shoulder against his, resting her chin on it. "You're not mean Jayne," she said softly in his ear, but he merely continued to stare ahead. River slipped a sinewy arm around the back of his waist. "You're thinking about someone. You're thinking about your sister again."

"River. Don't poke into my head like that. Ain't right."

River ignored him, immersing herself in his mind. It was all so clear, the memories all laid out in neat little rows. Not like her mind. It comforted her. It gave her a respite from the screaming and the mess inside her own head. These memories weren't new to her. She'd seen them before though he'd never talked about them. She knew he didn't want to talk about them. But she continued anyway.

"You shouted at her too. Careen. Her brainpan was untidy like mine, but it'd been like that since birth. When she was born you were ten years old and you thought she was the prettiest baby on that side o' the 'verse. And then she grew up… and she wasn't right. She had nightmares and she had panic attacks and she wasn't that pretty little baby anymore. And you hated her for it…" she whispered.

Jayne's body was growing even more tensely coiled with every word, his stare burning into the wall opposite them.

River saw a little girl with long dark hair, crying and screaming hysterically. She saw brothers and sisters, a mother and a father trying to comfort her. She saw a teenaged Jayne backing away, irritated and disgusted, but worried at the same time. She saw him snapping at her when she was just tiny, when she was a teenager herself, when she was an adult. She saw him keeping her at arms length, hating the illness taking over her mind and hating her more for _letting_ it take it.

River felt Jayne's animosity toward Careen, it was strong and unrepentant, over-powering. She fought back Jayne's emotions as they rose within her like a tidal wave, threatening to force their way out through her.

"Then you left your planet and you left all your family and you left Careen," River said in a shaky voice. "You forgot about the crazy sister you hated so much. And then you met me. I reminded you of her. I wasn't right either. My brain was just as riddled with holes as hers was. And you hated me too…"

At that, River felt the taut muscles in Jayne's upper arm jump ever so slightly as he clenched his fist. She placed her small pale hand on top of his, but he moved it. River let out an imperceptible sigh of hurt and pulled her hand back.

"I don't hate you. I never hated you," Jayne stated, barely moving, barely blinking, just staring at the wall.

River saw a thousand emotions and memories rush through his brain, a waterfall of all of the feelings he never wanted to acknowledge and all of the thoughts he buried.

"Simon was always patient with me, always calm. He listened to me. He comforted me. And you never did that for Careen. Matthew was her favourite. Mattie. He was her Simon. When he got sick she cried for a week. And when he got better she danced in the rain. When you shouted at her she used to hide at the end of the yard with all of your father's hunting dogs until he went out to find her. Mattie would always tell her that you didn't mean it. She never believed him. And when you left home, she thought it was because of her, even though it wasn't. She still thinks that…"

"Stop it!" Jayne snapped all of a sudden. He looked at her, his eyes blazing with untold anger. "You ain't got the right to go through my head like that!"

River jumped and took in a quick breath as he stood up. "I knew already. I've known about Careen for a long time."

She felt his anger spread through him, consuming and overpowering every other thought and emotion.

Jayne turned away, poised to leave. "How long?" he asked in an edgy tone.

River stood up, putting a hand on his back. "Two years," she murmured.

Jayne wheeled around and she pulled her hand away. "You're gonna stop this. You're gonna stop stealing every gorram thing I've got in my head!"

"I can't help—"

Jayne grabbed her wrists, yanking her up against him and trapping her arms between them. "You can help it! Or God help me I will _**make**_ you," he hissed.

River merely looked at him, knowing he was frustrated that he couldn't solve this problem with a gun or a fist, and then walk away. "You can't scare me. You can't scare my untidy brain into tidiness. Just like you couldn't with Careen," she said to him honestly.

At that Jayne gritted his teeth and tightened his numbing grip on her wrists. His glare was one that would make marauders and thieves, smugglers and vigilantes all think twice about crossing him. But the nineteen year old girl in his clutches merely blinked at him. That made him even more furious. Just as she thought he was really going to snap, he shoved her away from him and into the wall. Without another word, he stalked out of the room.

River let out a huge exhalation and closed her eyes, running her fingers over one of her stinging wrists. Her mind was still screaming. She could hear herself screaming, Jayne screaming, Careen screaming… and there right at the forefront, was Mal and Inara, screaming at each other. No one else but River knew and Serenity knew what was they were saying to each other.

With their places firmly secured as the father and mother figures of Serenity respectively, River would have assumed that they wouldn't be such argumentative, obstinate people. But of course, she knew them better than that. And they simply would not be Mal and Inara if they weren't argumentative and obstinate.

Mal and Inara were just as much an ill-conceived match on first glance as River and Jayne were. People saw a pretty, young, if a little loopy, girl when they saw River. They saw a rough around the edges hired gun with more than a few miles on the clock when they saw Jayne. Appearances can be deceiving though.

No one knew how easy the strong could break when it came to love. River had had to break down her own protective walls, formed after years of confusion and insanity and loss of self. Jayne had had to break down his too, ones that were built on his decision to be solitary, self-reliant, and unfailingly strong. But both had had to be vulnerable first in order to become stronger.

Inara and Mal both had similar such walls built up. Inara was a child of wealth and decadence. She hid behind the veneer of that life. She hid inside the folds of her rich, opulent gowns, tricking herself into believing that her Core-upbringing was the only thing that would keep her protected out on the Rim. Mal was the opposite. He hid behind his Rim childhood, pushing it before him in order to protect himself from the Core folk that he hated so much. He used the fury and bitterness that had been filling him up since the War to fuel him.

Neither had realised how simple it would be just to let go. To let go of the pretences and failings of such masks.

And so the argument continued. As it would always continue.

-O-

"This is utterly ridiculous! You can't actually think you're doing this!"

"I don't _**think**_ I'm doin' it, I _**am**_ doin' it."

"I always knew you were lacking in morals and common sense, but now it seems that the few brain cells you had have taken their leave as well."

"Well as much as I appreciate your kindly expressed opinion, I think I've heard enough for today. You travel with this crew. You're not a part of it. End of."

"No, it is not!"

Mal stopped in his tracks on hearing the shrill, furious tone Inara's voice had taken on. He looked at her incredulously. "Woman, honestly, I think it's your own brain cells you should be lookin' to, along with your sanity!"

Inara glared back at him, her dark and sultry eyes blazing with only the kind of rage Mal could bring to her. "You're totally unscrupulous. She's pregnant Mal! You can't make her do this!"

Mal hooked his thumbs on his belt, and grinned smartly. "Ah, see there be the catch. River has no problem with coming on the job. She won't be there to fight, she's goin' along to Read the situation. If she's doin' that there ain't no harm that'll come to her, 'cause she'll know 'fore it happens. Jayne'll be watchin' her back like a hawk anyway."

"That isn't the point! You know what happened _**last**_ time! River's life and the life of her child were both in danger – because of _**the**__ job_."

Mal blinked, his calm taking a significant dent at that remark. "That was none of my fault. How was I to know Jayne had knocked her up? And why am I even talkin' this over with you?" he asked himself, brow creased with a frown. "It's happenin' whether you approve of it or not."

"Just like everything else," Inara stated coldly, crossing her arms. "Some things never change. No matter how much I help you and _**your**_crew on your jobs, no matter how many favours I do for you, you still push me to the periphery of your life. Convincing yourself I'm not 'one of you' just so you can sleep better at night. Unfortunately, I don't have such a talent for denial."

Mal shook his head, holding out a warning hand. "Don't start on this Inara. You stayed after Miranda of your own accord. I ain't sayin' I'm not glad that you did, I am… but you are what you are. And it ain't one of us."

Inara tilted her chin defiantly. "The only reason you're acting this way is because of my profession. No matter how much you and I go through together it always comes back to you and your problem with what I did," she said quietly, but with burning certainty.

"Your _**profession**_? Huh, if _**that's**_ what you want to call it!" Mal snorted, throwing his hands up with a harsh laugh. "I surmise you might be right Inara. Maybe I am a bit tetchy with you because of your 'profession'. No one in the gorram 'verse could blame me."

Inara's furious expression faded ever so slowly at that, and she turned away, pressing a hand to her forehead. She wrapped an arm around a bed post, her eyes sweeping over the perfect, luxurious silks and linens. Her mind burned with the memories of all the men she'd had in that bed with her in the past. Men who hadn't been Mal. But that was over now… and still he wouldn't let it go.

"Do you want me to apologise?" Inara asked softly, closing her eyes. "Then I will. I'll apologise for making you feel this way. But I can't apologise for who I am. I gave up being a Companion for you Mal, I gave it up. But I can't just forget about the life I've led for the last twenty-eight years! I won't give up teaching and I won't cut ties with my friends or my past clients."

Mal let out a sharp, cynical laugh, his stare burning into her back. "You givin' up bein' a Companion just means you're not a Companion _**in practise**_. But in theory… you still are. Through and through. You ain't suited to this vagabond life. You ain't suited to just spendin' a few months teachin' in Trainin' Houses in the Core every now 'n' then."

"I won't make excuses for who I am Mal. I've given you more than I've given any man. Don't expect me to give you my entire life as well. Don't expect me to let you change me into who _**you**_ want me to be," Inara told him, her tone plain and emotionless.

Mal stared at her beautiful, statuesque figure, wishing he could see her face just then. "A Companion ain't who you are. You're Inara Serra the woman. Not Inara Serra the Companion. You don't belong to the job anymore'n you belong to the men who used to buy you. Anymore'n you belong to me," he told her, fighting to keep his voice plain and even.

"But I do…" Inara murmured, closing her eyes to ward off tears. "I _**do**_ belong to you. I'm yours Mal. In the last four years since we've met I've never thought of any other man in the way I've thought of you. I just did my job… but I always came back to you. Always. Even when I didn't. Even when I left… I was showing you that I was yours."

"Huh. Funny that. 'Cause you showin' me that you were mine seemed a lot like you _**leavin' me**_"

"But I wasn't seeing clients anymore, was I? When I walked away from you, I walked away from being a Companion too. I didn't want to try and find solace in the people I was with, I didn't want to try and replace you. I wanted to forget you. It didn't work though. It never works."

Mal opened his mouth but nothing came out. What was he supposed to say to that? What _**could**_ he say? There weren't words to express how he felt right then. Nothing could express how he felt but taking her up in his arms and bringing her to that bed, and most definitely not leaving it for the foreseeable future.

But he couldn't.

He felt a shudder beneath his feet and knew that Kaylee and River were bringing Serenity into atmo. They were landing on Whitefall. He had a job to do. A job. Welcome distraction. His heart just hurt being in here with Inara. He needed something to do, someone to shoot.

"I have to go. The job…" Mal said, his jaw clenched so hard he thought it might break.

Inara's vision swam and she blinked a silent tear down her cheek. She nodded brusquely, thankful he couldn't see her face.

Mal went to turn away, but found himself fidgeting back and forth in the doorway. Just a glimpse of her standing there by the bed made him want to stay, but gorram it… he'd never wanted to leave so badly either.

In the end, one won out over the other, and he launched himself through the doorway. As he stormed across the walk and headed up onto the bridge he slammed right into Jayne who'd apparently been doing some very fine storming himself.

"Your woman landin' us?" Mal demanded.

"Well since we're landin' and she's the pilot… I'd think so, yeah," Jayne snapped, his sarcasm irritating Mal to the last.

Mal narrowed his eyes and gave Jayne a pointed look. "Don't sass me 'cause you're havin' a bad day Jayne. I ain't exactly havin' the best one ever my own self! 'Specially with this gorram job with Patience and her pack o' hun dans. Ain't nothin' good 'bout this day whatsoever 'n' the trouble ain't even started yet. I'm just glad the Little Witch'll be there to even the playin' field."

"No, she won't."

Mal blinked repeatedly, inclining his head toward Jayne with a disbelieving look etched on his face. "The who? The what? I'm sorry. I didn't hear you rightly," he laughed harshly. "'Cause I know you didn't just say that my Reader ain't comin' on the job."

Jayne tilted his head and returned Mal's ill-tempered scowl. "She ain't 'your' nothin' and yeah, I did say that."

"Jayne, this is Patience! If ever we needed a damn Reader it's today. She's guaranteed to pull a double-crossin'!" Mal exclaimed.

Jayne made a face and shrugged. "Look she's havin' one of her crazy days. Her brain's untidy or somethin'. You know what she's like when she goes all eccentric-like. Ain't pretty Mal."

"It's touching how you talk about the mother of your child. Really," Mal simpered sarcastically.

Great. His first damn conversation of the day with Inara goes pear-shaped and now his job goes pear-shaped before it's even started. Mal felt trouble coming. And if the last hour was anything to go by, the trouble would be coming his way. He turned on his heel to head up to the bridge for a few words with Serenity's co-pilot.

"She did say there was one thing ya should watch out for," Jayne said curtly.

Mal turned slowly and looked at Jayne tiredly. "And what would that be?"

"You're gonna get shot," Jayne said bluntly.

Mal blinked and cast his eyes upwards. "Well I suppose that ain't no shockin' revelation," he sighed.

"In the leg."

"Tremendous. I look forward to it. Always did want a heroical limp in my manly swagger," Mal shot back wryly, walking away with said swagger. "Go pry Zoë away from that baby o' hers 'n' load up the mule."

"Grenades?"

"Ya have to ask? I learned my lesson on the whole grenades issue a long time ago," Mal shouted over his shoulder.

He came up onto the bridge just as land was making its' shaky arrival before them. Kaylee was just running out to check something in the engine room. She passed him by with a quick smile, which he returned, before coming to lean in the doorway.

"Hello Captain."

"Hello pilot." Mal planted a hand on the back of the pilot's chair and leaned over River. "A little birdy told me you ain't comin' along today. Care to elaborate on that for me? And apologies for my deep-rooted anger here, but I _**have**_ just been informed of my impending _**gun shot wound**_"

River relinquished her grip on the controls as Serenity settled herself on a rocky out-cropping. She switched off a few things above her and fiddled with a few gauges, frowning deeply. "I'm sorry. I… can't help you. Not today. I'm hearing _**everyone**_. I won't be able to make out one person's thoughts from the other."

Mal heaved a huge sigh. "I suppose I can cut you some slack what with you bein' with child 'n' havin' all them hormones 'n' such runnin' rough shot through ya…"

River turned around in the pilot's seat and set a hard glare on Mal. "This isn't because I'm pregnant Captain. It's because I had government officials cut into my brain for three years," she snapped sternly. Her expression softened then and she smiled apologetically. "And I know you were only saying that to get me angry and make me go along. You succeeded in getting me angry. But I still won't go."

Mal gave her a crooked smile and clapped his hands together once. "I'm caught out. I guess I'm just a little nervous about the getting shot part. It hurts! Every time!"

River smiled laughingly, and reached out to press a few buttons on the screen that showed Serenity's stats and vitals. "Running low on fuel."

"Ah, when ain't we?" Mal acknowledged. He glanced at her wrist flitting across the screen as River scrolled through the information at lightning speed. She had a few darkening bruises around her wrists. "Them's some mean lookin' bruises Little Albatross. You 'n' Jayne been gettin' nasty in the bedroom? Wait. Don't _**ever**_ answer that question."

River gave him one of her patented 'you're very stupid' looks, and shook her head wryly. "We had a disagreement."

Jayne and River had been known to settle their differences with violence in the early stages of their courtship when they'd gotten on each other's nerves more than anything else. He just hadn't seen it happen in a while, especially considering River's present condition.

Mal arched an eyebrow. "He hurt you?" he asked, mildly shocked and at the same time, not so shocked.

"I hurt him first," River said distantly.

"Well I guess that's okay then," Mal replied, not asking her to elaborate. "All's fair in love 'n' war as they say. Seems love 'n' war's the same thing to you two."

"I could say the same for you and Inara."

Mal took in River's knowing tone as she said that, and pursed his lips. "Eavesdroppers go to that special hell the Shepard always talked about y'know. You should read up on it a little. I know I got a Bible somewhere. I was usin' it as a doorstop. Damn handy. Anyway, I hear all that hell fire and damnation malarkey is very affecting."

"I didn't _**mean**_ to eavesdrop on your conversation Mal," River said succinctly. "I was at the other end of the ship. I couldn't help it. Everyone keeps invading my head," she said, her voice trembling and detached. "Everyone's leaving breadcrumbs. I follow, I follow, can't not. Follow all the way back to the witch's house. Back to the sugar and candy, trying to find peace and quiet. Never can find it. Witch won't go in the fire, breadcrumbs disappear. Get lost. Lost in the forest with the trees. Looking at me. Taunting me…"

Mal pressed his lips together, lamenting the loss of the sensical conversation they'd just been having. "Oookay. I'll tell ya what helps with gettin' lost in a forest— ya burn down the trees!" he quipped, grabbing his coat from the closet behind her.

"But I'll kill everyone," River murmured, her eyes glazing over.

"Yeah… Like you've never tried to do _**that**_ before," Mal muttered to himself. "You just pay no never mind to that there forest darlin'! You'll find your way out!" he called to her as he left the bridge.

Inara appeared before him all of a sudden, and Mal near jumped back in fright.

"Sorry."

"No, it's fine."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine! I'm just jumpy."

"The job?"

"Yeah. Kinda worried. Patience 'n' all."

"Not the most trustworthy of people."

"No, not ever."

"Hope it goes well."

"It won't, but thanks anyhow."

Mal and Inara stared at each as their rapid fire conversation came to a grinding halt. Mal expelled the air from his lungs and rocked lightly on the balls of his feet. Inara smiled tightly, and straightened her shawl on her shoulders.

Mal nodded curtly. "Well! Job and that. You'll be glad to know River can't come after all. She's all lost in a forest without breadcrumbs… could you see to her? Make sure she's shiny?"

Inara looked a touch confused after the forest and breadcrumbs part but nodded accordingly. "Yes, yes of course I will."

"Okay then. I'll be goin' now."

"All right. I'll see you when you get back."

"You will. Yeah."

"Yeah."

"I should get goin'."

"I thought you were already."

"Me too…"

Mal frowned quizzically, and felt unable to leave her, despite his brain demanding him to.

"Cap'n? You set?" Zoë called.

Mal and Inara blinked and snapped out of their intense staring match, both flinching in fright.

Zoë appeared behind them, an expectant look on her face. "Cap'n? Patience said three o' clock sharp."

"Which means we best be there for two o' clock 'fore her snipers get there," Mal replied, nodding.

"It surely does sir," Zoë grinned wryly.

Mal shot past Inara and followed his second in command.

"Take care!" Inara called after him.

"No point! I'll be gettin' shot anyhow!" he called back.

Inara just shook her head and walked up onto the bridge where River was crouched under the console, muttering to herself.

"River? Are you looking for something?" Inara asked, bending to look at her.

"There's a wire out of place," River replied, a hand clutching a tangle of wires shooting forth from under the console.

Inara laughed gently. "Oh sweetie, put them back. Come on, put them back and get out from under there. You shouldn't be doing that in your condi—"

River's sliding out from under the console and springing to her feet gracefully halted that last sentence of Inara's. "I'm not going on the job."

"Yes, Mal said. Are you okay?"

"Bad day," River said glumly. "My mind is all tangled up in everyone else's. And I made Jayne upset."

"I can relate," Inara smiled. "Mal and I just had an unpleasant… _**discussion**_ ourselves."

"It'll be okay. Mal tries. But sometimes he's afraid of the things you say. He always wanted you to say them… and now that you have— he's afraid."

Inara's scarlet lips parted at this, the torrent of emotions she'd only just managed to conceal exploding within her once again.

River looked at her, her eyes dark pools of knowledge. "Everything will turn out right. Just when you thought that it wouldn't before, it did. Just when you thought he'd always be afraid of what you feel for him, he showed you he wasn't. He'll do that again. Just like before…"

**-O-**

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Well— I hate you!"

Inara's harsh expression softened and she almost laughed. "Mature comeback Mal. Then again, when your one and only comeback to date has been 'whore', what should I have expected?"

Mal gritted his teeth and shot her a stern look, not at all amused. He was angry. Hell, he was livid. This woman stayed on the ship, stayed there tormenting him by giving him such happiness, all the while never completely giving _**herself**_ to him. Always sharing with the clientele. The next rich banker. Superstar celebrity. Esteemed politician. All offering her more than he could.

All threatening to take away the sun that lit up the black for him.

"You know, you're walkin' a mighty thin line here Inara."

"I've been walking that line my entire life," she countered.

"Well now you're just soundin' like me."

"Spending too much time around you, I suppose. It's the affect you have on people, making them as bitter as you," Inara answered, her tone acidic.

Mal heaved a sigh and flopped down on Inara's plush sofa. He balanced his elbow on his knees and stared at the floor. "I've said it before and I'll say it again— I can't function rightly when you're about me. I am a simple man Inara, I come from simple folk, with a simple way o' bein'. I'm just tryin' to get by. And there ain't nothin' that's simple when it comes to you," he said earnestly.

"I'm so very sorry," came Inara's terse reply.

"It's complicated. More complicated than I'd like. More'n once I been wantin' to do 'n' say things… You think I don't have a single feelin' in my own body?" Mal asked, placing a hand on his chest. Over his heart. He'd never been a poetical man, never wanted to be. But he really thought he knew the meaning of heart ache now.

"I've asked myself that question more times than I can count."

"I'll wager you most likely have," Mal returned. "But I do have feelin's Inara. I got plenty. But I'm the captain o' this here ship, and if I got complications, the ship's got complications."

Inara bristled, pacing the floor in front of him. "I'm a complication? After all this time, that's all I am to you?"

"No! That's not what I said!" Mal exclaimed. "Damn it woman, now do ya see why things are complicated? You confound me! I don't know if I'm comin' or goin'!"

"Going, apparently," Inara said unemotionally.

Mal pursed his lips, not taking kindly to her bitterly cold tone. "Well I apologise if that weren't what you were wantin' to hear."

Inara's hard expression faded and her brows came together mournfully. "It's _**exactly**_ what I wanted to hear. Mal, all I've ever wanted was an honest word from you, some truth."

"Inara, I ain't never been nothin' but truthsome with you," Mal said, softly and honestly.

"_**That**_ I find difficult to believe. Nevertheless, I suppose since you've opened up a little, that I should," Inara said, a little uncomfortably. "Since Miranda, I've— I've realised just how very fleeting life is. Sometimes you think you're going to live forever…"

"I never have."

Inara looked at him straight, her face abound with emotion all of sudden. "I know that. You've been to war. You've seen death. You've cheated death. And now with your… _**occupation**_, you're cheating it again, almost every day. I can see why you are the way you are. Why you live to survive. Live for the moment. And I'm only just realising that that's what I needed to do. I can't keep denying how… how I feel for you…"

"I thought the denyin' was long over. I thought it'd been made fairly clear how we feel for each other Inara," Mal said softly. "Our feelin's ain't the problem anymore."

"It's my job."

Mal nodded. "It's your job."

"It's tearing me apart Mal," Inara whispered. "Please know that. I thought I could handle it, but it's too much. It's all too much."

Mal's expression jumped, anger sparking in his eyes. "Too much for _**you**_? _**You're**_ the one who does it to yourself, to _**me**_ I'm the one left to his own devices while you _**entertain**_. I mean, it's just the knowin' that you're betrayin' me…"

"I never betray you! Not in heart, not in mind. It's you that I want Mal," Inara told him, turning around.

Mal was always near knocked off his feet when she said that. It had taken a long time for her to admit it to him, for him to accept it. For him to be able to return it. But now that it had been said between them long ago, it made this all so much harder because they still argued like they used to when she'd first rented the shuttle, back when they'd still been dancing around one another.

Mal stood up. "You said you couldn't do this anymore. Kindly tell me what you might mean by that."

Inara smoothed her hands over her deep red dress, trying to reconcile in her mind what she was about to do, about to say. She was about to shatter an entire part of her life. She'd hurt so many people… but it had to be done. For her own piece of mind. She couldn't continue this charade anymore.

Inara looked Mal in the eye. "I'm leaving… the Guild. Not just temporarily. Permanently. Being a Companion is no longer a way of life that I want."

Mal just blinked. "'Scuse me? I think I may have just blacked out. What did you say?"

Inara smiled. "Mal."

"Sorry." Mal began to pace the room slowly. "I'm feelin' the need to be a mite frivolous at this particular moment. I think the good Shepard would have likened this to a… revelation as it were."

Inara ducked her head with a smile. "I'm perfectly serious Mal. If it's a choice between being a Companion and being with you… then it's a very easy one. You and this ship and this crew have given me more good memories and more of a feeling of belonging than I've ever had."

Mal swallowed hard, fighting back the tidal wave of sheer emotion as he heard that. "I never said you had to choose."

"You never said I _**didn't**_ have to choose either!" Inara said wryly.

Mal laughed, casting his eyes to the ceiling. "It was easier to say that I hate you, y'know that?"

"Well I _**love**_ you!"

Mal paused, mouth open. "Huh. Well that was unexpected."

An attractive flush rose in Inara's cheeks. "It's true. I do. And I _**want**_ to choose. I can't keep letting what I do hurt you… or me either for that matter," Inara said gently. "I mean, I'll stay. If— well, if that's possible. I have a vast amount of credits saved in my accounts on Sihnon, paying my own way, paying rent it won't be a problem. And I'm sure I can take a few months off the ship to teach in the House of Madrassa now and then. It'll be—"

Mal crossed the room and grabbed her upper arms, yanking her to him. He silenced her rambling with a hard and searing kiss that stole the rest of her words right away.

"Your mouth is talkin'. You might wanna look to that," he whispered against her lips.

Inara laughed, her melodic tones sinking into his skin, singing to him.

"And just so you know… I love you too. More'n you'll ever know…"

**-O-**

After that, Kaylee had excitedly decided that they had finally gotten their fairytale ending. River had known better.

They may have had the fairytale kiss, but they most certainly would not live happily ever after. Mal and Inara could never be the kind of people who lived happily ever after. Their differences in personality and opinion were two opposing forces, working in unison to drive them apart. But even when that was happening, even when they were working so steadily to push one another away… nothing in the 'verse would take them from one another.

They couldn't play the parts of the hero and the princess of the storybooks from Earth-That-Was. But that didn't matter out in the black. What mattered was being truthsome, as Mal would say it. And the truth of their love would bond them— despite how hard they fought against it.

And that was why, when the job that day was done and dusted, when the loot had been fought over, and Patience had slunk back to her base, seven men down and with half of her share snatched by her partners in crime, Inara clean forgot about the argument she had had with Mal before he'd gone. She'd forgotten because something infinitely more important had happened. Her first glimpse of Mal when they'd arrived back had been of his body laying prone in the back of the Mule, a makeshift bandage unable to stop the blood spurting from his thigh.

A wound to the leg shouldn't have made Mal, of all people, pass out, but as Simon hurriedly examined him in the back of the Mule, he'd discovered that a main artery had been hit and that he was losing too much blood too fast. Inara had clutched the unconscious captain's hand as Simon fished the bullet out and tried to suppress the gushing artery.

Jayne, the only remaining match for Mal's blood type since Wash's demise, was unwillingly donating blood, a stern Zoë shoving the needle into his vein. She grinned as he hissed and snatched his arm away. She grabbed it back, ignoring his protests.

"Big baby. Even Junior didn't whine this much during his last vaccination," Zoë snorted, glancing at her son, who was sitting in Kaylee's lap.

"Jayne doesn't like needles," River spoke up from where she was sitting on the infirmary's countertop by Kaylee and Hobie.

He promptly glared at her. "Jayne doesn't like people actin' as if he ain't here neither."

"Is he gonna be okay?" Kaylee interrupted, biting a fingernail nervously and staring at a grey-looking Mal.

"He should be fine. I just want to get some blood into him stat. He's lost way too much," Simon replied distractedly.

Inara's grip on Mal's hand tightened at that.

"Well that blood would be happily flowin' through the Cap'n's veins if _**he**_ wasn't bein' so stubborn," Zoë said pointedly, still trying to get the needle into a squirming Jayne's arm.

River hopped off the counter, once again distracting everyone with her spryness despite her pregnancy. "Can I try?" she asked Zoë.

Zoë threw her hands up, and stepped away from Jayne. "Go crazy."

"She already is," Jayne snorted under his breath.

River set her mouth in a straight, defiant line and yanked Jayne's arm out straight. She stared at it for but a moment, before shooting her hand forward and sliding the needle right into his vein perfectly. Blood began to flow through the connecting tube almost immediately.

Jayne scowled. "That hurt," he griped.

"Good." River smiled sweetly.

Simon had just finished stitching up Mal's wound when he looked around the infirmary disapprovingly. "There's way too many people in here. Everyone who isn't giving blood or been shot— out."

Zoë nodded and motioned to Kaylee. Simon gave Kaylee a warm and reassuring smile as the girl followed Zoë out, her worry for Mal etched on her face. River gave the captain's unconscious form a bright smile, knowing he'd be just fine, and skipped out of the room.

Inara swallowed hard, her deep red lips standing out against her pale face. "Could I stay with him?"

Simon, who was hooking Mal up to another line which was feeding Jayne's blood into his veins, looked at her compassionately. "Of course. I never meant for you to go Inara. He'll be glad to see you when he wakes up."

"How long do I gotta do this for?" Jayne spoke up.

"A lot longer, so you should probably just suck it up," Simon replied, a slight smile playing on his lips. "The captain's lost a significant amount of blood. He needs all he can get."

"Great." Jayne sighed heavily.

It wasn't until much later that Simon finally took the tube out of Jayne's arm, after making him give about five pints of blood – or so it felt to Jayne anyway. Simon and Inara were talking quietly in the little sitting area outside the infirmary while inside, Jayne poked at the bandage on his arm, and griped and moaned about his light-headedness.

"You should lie down before you fall down."

Jayne looked up as River's deceivingly innocent and sweet-sounding voice rang in the infirmary. He walked over purposefully, shooting her a defiant look. "Don't worry your little head. I won't be doin' no fallin' down like some pansy-ass—"

Jayne stumbled, his head swimming and his legs unsteady. River flitted over, guiding him back to the chair.

"_That_ ain't never happened before," he muttered to himself.

River sank to the floor by the chair, looking up at him. "Yes it has," she quipped.

Jayne glared at her. "Stop that. My mind ain't your playground."

River snapped her mouth shut and looked down. "I'm sorry. And I'm sorry about earlier. I'm sorry I talked about your sister…"

Jayne squared his jaw. "I would've told you about her in my own time. I wasn't fond o' the way ya went 'n' searched for it yourself."

River's hand snaked up his leg and grasped his hand which had been on his knee. "I didn't! Jayne, it was just _**there**_! When I was upset earlier, I reminded you of her and she was right at the front of your mind. I never went looking…"

Jayne shrugged stiffly. "Okay. I believe ya," he said, turning her hand over in his. "I'm sorry I yelled at ya like that." He noticed the fingerprinted bruises on her wrists. "I'm always puttin' these marks on ya, without even realisin' it. I shouldn't've grabbed ya like that, 'specially with you bein'… Gorram it, I really am a stupid son of a bitch."

River shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I'm fine. You're fine. Our gestating child is fine."

Jayne cracked a smiled at that.

River lowered her head to his knee, sighing. "Everything's fine."

Jayne muttered something low in his throat and pulled her off the floor and up into his lap. "It ain't your fault your head's mess up. And it ain't your fault Careen's head's messed up. I just—"

River merely pulled his head down to hers and cut him off with a kiss. Jayne laughed against her mouth and River shuddered as the reverberations of his deep voice rippled through her.

One evening, long ago, she and Kaylee had been having one of their girly chats over some of that engine-fermented wine, giggling tipsily as Mal stomped in and out of the engine room, grumbling about his useless pilot and mechanic. Kaylee had asked what kissing Jayne was like. River hadn't quite had a proper answer. She hadn't been able to pin down exactly what it was like for accurate description.

He wasn't the first person she'd kissed. She'd definitely been becoming a little boy-crazy before she'd been sent off to the Academy. She'd had her fair share of illicit kisses with governor's sons and the like at balls and parties that her parents had made her go to. But they'd all been her age or Simon's age at the most. All boys. Jayne was the first _**man**_ she'd kissed. Maybe that was what made his kisses so familiar and yet completely unfamiliar. Different every time. But always memorable.

Silky burning warmth that sent a freezing cold shiver down her spine. Rough and biting and needy and _**now**_. The slow drawn out kisses of someone who knew he had all night to kiss her. Quickly, chastely, with throaty chuckles in-between. Absent, distracted kisses as he passed by, or as he was thinking about something else – but still thinking about _**her**_ in some corner of his mind. Then the tender, drawn out ones just before he fell asleep, or just after she woke up.

And the kiss that they shared, as they sat in the middle of the uninviting, blinding white infirmary, with their captain lying injured and unconscious beside them? That kiss had definitely been of the spine-shivering kind. Burning hot warmth seeping into one another, _**from**_ one another, surging through each other's veins, giving them as much revitalisation as Jayne's blood had to Mal.

"Oh. Ugh. I did not need to see that."

Jayne and River pulled apart as Mal's rasping voice startled them.

"I'm in that special hell. I'm dead and I'm in that special hell where the punishment for my evil-doin's in life is havin' to watch you two go at it for all of eternity."

"Ain't nothin' wrong with your trap I see," Jayne snorted.

"That sight was enough to force a sinful man like me back to prayer. _**Almost**_ enough anyway," Mal continued.

"I told you you'd get shot!" River piped up.

"That you did Little Albatross," Mal quipped, cringing painfully. "And ya know what would've been mighty helpful? Tellin' me _**who**_ was gonna shoot me!"

River smiled endearingly, slipping off of Jayne's lap. "I'm sorry Captain. I'll try better next time."

"So you should," Mal nodded self-importantly.

"Mal! You're awake!" Inara gasped, rushing to his side.

Simon followed, and began checking Mal's vitals. "How do you feel?"

"More'n a mite rough," Mal replied, distracted by Inara's lips all over his face and neck as she kissed him in feverish relief. "But I'll live. Maybe. This woman's affections are givin' me some heart palpitations though."

"Givin' me a wobbly stomach too," Jayne muttered.

"Could say the same for what I just had to witness! You all over my impressionable young Reader!" Mal exclaimed, wincing as he inadvertently moved his leg. "You should see to them Doc!"

"I think it's a bit too late," Simon replied with amusement, giving River's swollen stomach a pointed look.

"And there's no one to blame but yourself," Mal shot back.

Simon sighed heavily and grinned as he left the infirmary. "And I hate myself for it every day," he said laughingly.

As Mal looked to Jayne and began accusing him of letting him get shot, River and Inara shared a very significant look.

The arguments that both Mal and Inara, and Jayne and River had were always heated, always turbulent… and always forgotten when they needed to be. Both couples would argue again. Argue longer, argue louder, argue over the same things, argue over different things…

But in the end, being truthsome would win out. And no matter how ill-matched the ex-Companion and the ex-soldier turned bandit were, no matter how ill-matched the psychic and the mercenary were, the truth of the matter was it was their love that always made each couple the _**perfect**_ match.

**-O-**


	3. Kaylee

**Part 3**

_Kaylee_

Serenity was in trouble, and so was her crew. They just didn't know it yet.

Mal was bringing the ship down on a planet called Three Hills. It was a Rim planet, and like most other Rim planets, it was dusty and dry, and a law unto itself. It was also Kaylee's home. Kaylee had told the crew the night before at dinner that the name had come from the fact that there were three very defined mountain ranges on the planet, which were clearly visible from space. The first settlers who'd gone to the planet after terraforming had noticed this as they were coming in to land, and it'd been dubbed Three Hills ever since.

They were headed to a township called Flora to bring their latest cargo to its buyers. All money had already been dealt with before they'd even put the cargo on Serenity, to this was just a routine drop off. Afterwards, on account of the hearty payment they'd just gotten, they were spending three or four days in Kaylee's home town of Meadow on the other side of the planet.

Kaylee was so excited she was bouncing around the ship with even more fervour then usual. Because she could feel what Kaylee was feeling, and because she was happy for her friend as well, River too was excited by default. Mal was being driven near to madness by the two giggling young girls causing mayhem on his boat. At that particular moment, both of them were giggling down in the engine room while Kaylee was meant to be repairing railings in the cargo bay and River was meant to be co-piloting.

Simon and Kaylee had never been particularly reserved about their affection for one another. Kaylee especially had no qualms about making out in the cargo hold, in full view of the 'verse and its cousin. Jayne and River though were usually fairly private about their relationship. So private in fact that it had taken the crew quite a time to cotton on to the fact that they were conducting a romance right under their noses.

As she and Kaylee laughed it up, Kaylee reminded River of this.

"I still can't believe you two managed to be so covert about it!" Kaylee exclaimed. "If that'd been me, I would've been higher'n a kite!"

River, who was swinging in Kaylee's hammock, smiled. "I _**was**_," she said fondly. "But we didn't want it ruined by Mal and Simon throwing Jayne into the airlock. I think it would've damaged our relationship."

"Just a _**little**_, yeah," Kaylee laughed. "You gotta tell me though, what set it all off? I mean, with me and Simon it was definitely what happened on Mr. Universe's moon with the Reavers 'n' all. It took a near-death experience for me to finally snag your brother!"

River laughed softly. "Simon's never been smooth with girls. But then, neither has Jayne. Simon was always uncomfortable _**around**_ women, never knowing what to say or do… Jayne was just uncomfortable _**about**_ women. He knew the right things to say, but he just never said them. Never wanted to. Never really felt the need to get close to a girl."

"That's so sad," Kaylee mused.

"No. It's just… Jayne. He had plenty of chances to settle down with a woman, but he just didn't. Always liked to be on the move."

"He's got the best o' both worlds here then. He's got the girl and the travelling all on one boat," Kaylee remarked. She poked River in the leg. "So? Get to the story! When did you two start your little liaison behind all our backs?"

"Well… our first date was on a heist…" came a high, nasal voice from the doorway. Mal stood there, a vapid, air-head look on his face. He had one hand perched on his hip in a very fey manner, and his other was twirling imaginary hair. "Our eyes met over the body of the man I'd just skewered and it was love at first sight!" he exclaimed in breathy voice, fanning himself.

Kaylee tossed a wrench at his head, which he barely dodged. "Bi-zui! We was havin' a girly chat Cap'n. Ain't for your ears, so _**out**_!"

"And your imitation of my voice was incorrect and badly pitched," River pointed out.

Mal gave her a wry look and pursed his lips. "Hi. Remember me?" he said, waving. "I'm the _**Captain**_! That means I'm in charge and I get to tell people what to do!"

"Now your voice just sounds like a petulant child's!" River said cheerfully.

Mal's mouth dropped open. "Shut up!"

Kaylee and River looked at each other simultaneously and then broke into laughter.

Finally, Mal threw his hands up and stomped out of the room, muttering under his breath. He met Jayne just outside. "You tell 'em what's happenin' 'cause I can't hear my own gorram thoughts with them giggling like a bunch o' school girls!"

Jayne grinned lecherously. "Did someone say school girls?" he asked, peering into the engine room. "Please let there be uniforms!"

River, not bothered with getting up from the hammock as she was so comfortable, merely threw a trinket of Kaylee's at him in indignation. "There will be no school girls with uniforms!" she exclaimed.

Jayne's eyes sparkled roguishly. "With_**out**_ uniforms on? This just keeps getting' better 'n' better, don't it?" River and Kaylee just set him with stern looks and he backed down, holding his hands up in surrender. "I get it! I'm out-numbered. Look, I'm just tellin' ya'll that we're headed out on the drop. Won't take no time at all, so don't get comfy down here. When we go settle in over at little Kaylee's homestead, you 'n' me are havin' us some alone time."

Kaylee grinned widely, her tongue caught between her teeth, and raised her eyebrows at Jayne's take charge tone.

"Can we go fishing?" River teased. "Kaylee said there's a creek full of salmon near her family's house."

"No, we can't go fishin'!" Jayne said sternly.

He walked over to her in two long strides and bent down over the hammock. River smiled up at him, mystery and mirth dancing in her eyes.

"We can go to the river all right, but what we'll be doin' will most likely scare all them salmon away," he said to her, his warm, cinnamon scented breath dancing on her neck.

Kaylee muffled a giggle and Jayne nudged her away with his foot without looking at her.

River reached up and grabbed his shirt, pulling him down to her for a short kiss. "Be careful. Don't get dead. I would very upset."

Jayne pretended to consider this and then nodded decisively. "Hell, I'd be upset too! I'd be dead!" he chortled.

River smiled. "Good. Now please leave. Kaylee and I have girly things to discuss."

Jayne rolled his eyes and smacked one last kiss onto her lips. "Shiny," he announced, standing up straight. "Kaylee, fix that railing on the walk above the cargo bay, won't ya? Mal leaned against it earlier and damn near fell twenty feet to a splattery death. Not sayin' it weren't funny seein' him act all casual-like about it in front of Inara, but I just don't wanna have to clean up the mess if someone were to go over the side."

Kaylee mock saluted him. "I'll get right on it."

Jayne nodded shortly, heading to the door. "Since it's just you women left on the ship, ya'll be watchful now."

"Simon'll be here," Kaylee pointed.

"Yeah. Like I said, just the women left," Jayne said completely seriously.

Kaylee and River's matching glares sent him on his way, but his barking laughter could be heard echoing all down the hallway.

"I'm gonna go see if Simon's finished checking on Inara yet," Kaylee announced.

"Tell her I wish her antibodies good luck in defeating the virus!" River told her.

Kaylee blinked and then nodded cheerfully. "I'll tell her you hope she gets well soon," she laughed, shaking her head.

Recently, they'd spent a few days doing some business on St. Alban's, the icy moon that had been home to Mal and Zoë's war buddy Tracey. Mal and Inara had spent their last night there watching some master carvers make colossal ice sculptures. Inara had been fascinated – Mal politely interested. Nevertheless, both had caught cold on account of spending so long out in the freezing snow and wind.

Mal had griped and moaned about his runny nose and incessant sneezing, but had shaken it off pretty fast. Inara on the other hand was still laid up in her shuttle recovering. Simon was over there trying her out with some experimental medicines.

River sighed contentedly, remembering the question Kaylee had asked about her and Jayne getting together – before Mal had rudely interrupted that is.

They'd never really had a specific beginning. After the crew found out that she was a Reader, there'd been a change in how Jayne had treated her – but then that could be said for all of them. None of them had treated her quite the same. Some of them had been more guarded with their thoughts and secrets, knowing she could see them if she tried. Others merely took it in their stride, using her abilities to aid them in the work they had to do.

Maybe it had been that that had really begun to alter Jayne's view of her— when she had saved their lives with her knowledge, when she had given them the upper hand on jobs. She'd know when a part in the engine was going to fail, saving them from falling dead in the water. She'd know which moons and planets not to land on, which ones were trouble. She'd know which heists would go their way, which ones wouldn't. She'd know who was lying and who wasn't. More than once, she'd told Jayne in her own cryptic way who was going to shoot at him first and who _**he**_ should shoot first.

It had given him a begrudging respect for her.

It had been a gradual, simple beginning to their friendship. They'd started off with a very effective working relationship. When Zoë and Mal automatically partnered up in a gun fight, Jayne and River were obviously then left with one another. Between Jayne's natural instincts and River's foresight, they'd made a formidable team.

Spending time together _**on**_ a job had led to spending time together afterwards talking _**about**_ the job. River was Jayne's ultimate foil. Any one of the usual snarky comments that passed his lips, whether it was directed at her or someone else, she always had a retort for. If he could shoot a man from fifty feet away, she could shoot him from a hundred.

And Jayne had _**really**_ hated being bettered at something he'd been doing longer than she'd even been _**alive**_.

Nights spent sparring, with words _**and**_ fists, had only given them more time to get to know one another, understand one another. River had always known how Jayne worked, the way he thought, but those times gave _**him**_ a chance to figure _**her**_ out somewhat. He'd come to realise that while he worked through the steps from A to B to C and so forth, she skipped from A to Z and then worked _**backwards**_ through the steps.

Their progression from fighting and snarking to kissing hadn't exactly been a groundbreaking one. They fought with just as much passion as they kissed, it was almost a natural sequence of events.

One night down in the cargo hold she'd been annoying him purposely and he'd been reacting just as she expected. He'd become so angry in fact, that he'd done something she really hadn't expected. He'd grabbed her shoulders, furious and irritated, and at a loss over what to do next. In the end, his final solution had been to just yank her to him and plant the longest, hottest, most shocking kiss on River that she'd ever had— up to that point at least.

And after... they hadn't lived happily ever after. The rest hadn't been easy. There had been denial— on both sides.

Jayne had had issue with the age gap. She'd still been barely eighteen at the time, and he thirty-seven. He'd been weary of Mal and Simon's reactions, never mind the rest of the crew's. He still hadn't quite trusted her psychic abilities, didn't like her seeing things he didn't want her to see. And he was of course eternally cautious of her beating him to a bloody pulp too.

River had worried over Simon, worried over how _**he**_ would worry when he found out. She'd wondered how much sense a shipboard romance would make, the trouble it would cause— and not only because they were _**River**_and_**Jayne**_. Their names were universal examples of two opposites. And she'd been scared. Not scared of his temper, or his violent tendencies, because she was capable of knocking him on his ass in a second.

She'd been scared of the implications of getting into her first proper relationship, let alone with someone like Jayne. She hadn't been sure she was up to it, hadn't been sure if her mind was leading her astray yet again. She hadn't known what to expect, because while the Academy had forced her to mature at lightning speed in some areas, they'd made her regress in others. She had still been very much a child as regards love and intimacy and romance.

But in the end, their hearts had won out over their heads. Their natural attraction to one another had drawn them back together like magnets. But they'd still held a very love / hate view of one another. They'd argued just about anywhere, and about anything, even during heists, when they'd be shooting people while glaring at one another.

But they'd always made up whether it was an hour, a day, a week, a month later.

And now they had a comfortable rapport. No set obligations to spend all free time together, or to sleep in the same bed every night. There had never been any spoken promises about the future, just a feeling that things were as they should be for now. He'd never thought about kneeling before her with a shiny ring, and she'd never expected him to. Her pregnancy hadn't even compelled either of them to think about marriage. River was never one for convention, and Jayne didn't set much store by it anyhow. They were happy as they were.

She and Jayne had found one another, found solid ground (most of the time) and found their child. Everything would be all right.

Only… all of a sudden, everything _**wasn't**_ all right.

River sat up in the hammock, swinging her legs over the side. In a slight daze, she walked to the engine room doorway, standing there for a few very long moments.

She raised her hand and rapped against an imaginary door. "Knock, knock…" she murmured.

A split second later, two loud knocks clanging on Serenity's main entrance echoed through the ship.

River blinked. "They're here."

In an instant, she set off at a sprint through the ship. On reaching the doorway to the cargo bay, her eyes went wide and she lurched forward. Kaylee was hauling the heavy door open.

"No!" River screamed at the top of her voice.

Just as she had opened it, Kaylee looked around at her, confused.

River ran down the walk to the railing, pointing behind Kaylee warningly. But it was too late. Several men entered the cargo bay, one pulling Kaylee to him, trapping her in place with an arm across her collarbone. Kaylee started in fright, looking around at the strangers and trying to struggle away.

A young man with fair hair and deceptively kind eyes stepped away from the rabble of men, and walked to the centre of the cargo bay, looking around appraisingly. River knew immediately that he was the leader of the group, despite being only her age. His gaze rose to River, and their eyes met. His handsome face broke into a warm smile.

River returned the smile, but she did so because she had seen into him. She knew what had happened. What was about to happen. And she knew what she had to do. She dashed across the walk and to the left. Immediately, the men below dissented, pointing guns at her and shouting for her to stop.

She wasn't trying to escape though. They just didn't know that. She ran to the door of Inara's shuttle and yanked it shut. Then she opened the key pad on the wall beside it, and tapped in the lock code. It was now locked from the outside. Simon came rushing to the door on the other side, looking at her through the small window, bewildered.

River gave him a pleading look, hoping he'd know what to do, just as a man dragged her away. On seeing him and the others behind her, Simon's expression changed drastically, and he instantly began to pound on the door, desperately trying to get it open. River just shook her head calmly at her brother and cast her eyes skyward. Simon frowned intensely, watching her comply with the men and walk down to the floor of the cargo bay.

"Who are you people?" Kaylee demanded, still trying to fight her way out of her captor's grip.

"They met with the captain," River said softly.

The blonde man, their apparent leader, nodded. "Yes, we met your Captain Reynolds and the others in order to make a nice, simple trade," he said in an even voice. His tones were gentle and rounded, what would be called a British accent on Earth-That-Was.

"Then why are you here?" Kaylee asked him sharply. "The captain'll be back 'fore ya know it if the trading's done."

"I highly doubt that young miss," the blonde man replied smoothly.

"What's that s'posed to mean? What have you done to them?" Kaylee asked, panicked.

He ignored Kaylee and looked to River. "My name is Warren Pryce. I had an arrangement with Captain Reynold's contact on St. Alban's for the goods to be delivered intact and in full. That arrangement has not been honoured. As such, we're here to extract a reimbursement of sorts."

"The deal was settled with the guy on St. Alban's. It ain't our fault if there's somethin' wrong with the cargo!" Kaylee exclaimed.

Kaylee looked to River, who was just standing there in front of Warren, gazing at him pleasantly. She had a friendly smile on her face. Kaylee was totally bewildered as to why River was being so calm, talking to this hun dan who trying to take over their ship. She didn't expect her to go all warrior girl on their asses seeing as she was pregnant, but she surely expected some kind of action from her, some kind of smart plan.

"She's right," River said softly. "We were just the transport. We brought you the crates. We have no idea what's in them. None of us went near them."

Warren smiled endearingly at River. "You seem like a very polite young woman. I'm polite as well. That is, until I'm crossed. I have been crossed today, and I'm no longer feeling polite. Now you can cooperate with my crew and I, or you cannot. If you choose not to, then you will bear the consequences," he said in a low, business-like tone. He gestured to River's pregnant stomach. "And I don't suspect, miss, that in your current condition that you'd very much like to suffer my wrath, would you?"

Kaylee's eye flared. "You can't just threaten a pregnant girl like that! What kinda people are you? We ain't got nothin' to do with your cargo! River! Ain't ya gonna do somethin'?"

Kaylee looked at River expectantly, pleadingly, but River just looked back at her, expressionless.

Warren sighed heavily. "Remove her please. Tie her up and stay with her," he ordered the man holding her.

The man smiled at her as she protested. "Aren't you a fine little piece o' pretty? We'll have some fun, you and I."

"I can't promise that my men won't harm her, or you for that matter," Warren said calmly, while Kaylee screamed and shouted.

"He doesn't have to take her away," River said softly, as the man dragged Kaylee up the steps to the second level.

"I'm afraid he does," Warren replied impassively.

River stepped forward, her blank and courteous expression fading. "What I meant was is that he's _**not**_ taking her away."

Warren raised his eyebrows, blinking at her sudden change in manner. "Excuse me, what was your name? River? Well, excuse me River, but I believe I am the one in charge at the moment. I'm the one with all the men behind him pointing their guns at you," he told her, a slight smile on his face. "You are in no position to give orders."

"River, don't listen to him!" Kaylee shouted, kicking her captor in the knee.

River stared at Warren for such a long time that his men started to shift tensely, waiting for what she'd do. "Why are you out on the Rim? Mother and father are waiting for you on Londinium. They miss you very much. Ever since little sister died, it's been so hard for you to face them. But you should Warren. You should."

Warren blinked disbelievingly, his lips parting.

"What she talkin' about?" one of his men asked.

"Are you Core-bred?" another demanded, glaring at Warren.

"'Course he is! That prissy accent o' his didn't fall outta the sky, did it?" a tall man snorted.

"You're playing a very dangerous game," Warren hissed at River.

"I've played ones far more dangerous before," River returned, starting to circle him. "And if you do what I know you're planning to, you'll understand what dangerous really means Warren."

Warren narrowed his eyes. "Are you challenging me?"

"Don't need to," River whispered.

Before Warren realised what was happening, River ducked down, her leg sweeping out gracefully, tripping him up. She swung around, snapping the gun out of one man's hand and breaking his wrist in the process. She turned and hit a second man in the head with the gun, knocking him out. She shot a third man in the leg before spinning around at lightning speed to train the gun on Warren and his remaining two men.

Up on the walk, Kaylee cheered excitedly, before the man holding her placed a hand over her mouth.

Warren stood up from the floor, brushing his clothes off. "Spry for a pregnant girl, aren't you?" he sneered. "Put down that gun before you hurt yourself."

"You should be more worried about _**me**_ hurting _**you**_," River returned.

"No. _**You**_ should be more worried about _**him**_ hurting _**her**_," Warren spat, pointing.

River looked up to see that the man holding Kaylee now had a gun pressed against her temple. River merely trained the gun on Kaylee's captor with a steely expression. "Should've fixed that railing Kaylee," she said in an even tone.

Kaylee's terror turned to realisation as she looked at the railing in front of her. The seconds immediately afterwards passed in a blur for the young mechanic. Kaylee stamped her heel down on the man's foot. He growled, but didn't let her go. She took her chance nevertheless while he was a little distracted. She twisted, facing him, and lifted her foot, placing it against his hip. With all her might she pushed against him. The man stumbled backward into the railing, pulling her with him.

For a moment he just lay against it, holding her on top of him with an iron fist. But then the railing's broken edges began to give way from the bolts, already weakened by lengthy disrepair and by Mal falling against them earlier. The man's eyes widened, and he struggled to stand up straight, but Kaylee's weight prevented him.

At the last second, Kaylee snatched herself up, and watched with a mixture of relief and horror as the railing collapsed. The man fell backwards off of the walk and landed with a sickening crunch on the cargo bay floor. River used the distraction to her advantage, swinging into a roundhouse kick and knocking two of the men to the floor.

Warren sneered at her, reaching for his gun. River raised her own, but it wasn't her that ended up shooting him through the hand.

"And here I was worryin' about ya'll the whole way here!"

River looked to the entrance to see Mal standing there, gun raised. Zoë came in behind him, grimly surveying the scene.

"Where's my boy?" she asked.

"Still sleeping in Kaylee's bunk," River said shortly.

Zoë nodded, taking her word for it, and went to the injured Warren, yanking him up off the floor. Simon entered, carrying a groggy Inara in his arms, followed by Jayne. Jayne immediately stepped over to River, taking the gun from her and tossing it away.

"You all right?" he asked, placing a hand on either side of River's face.

He leaned down to her eye level and inspected her.

"I'm fine," River said softly.

"We came as fast as we could," Simon told River. "When you locked the shuttle door I knew you meant for us to escape and fly over to the drop point to pick the others up… but Inara was in no shape to pilot the shuttle. I'm afraid I had a crash course in flying."

"And he literally means crash course. Damn near landed the thing on top of us," Mal stated with his usual cynical humour. He looked up. "You all right little Kaylee?"

Kaylee nodded mutely, and so Mal turned his gaze to Warren, his expression now not so kind.

"What made you even _**think**_ you could step foot on _**my**_ ship and attack my crew, boy?" he demanded of Warren.

After Jayne was satisfied that River was okay, he joined Mal and Zoë in interrogating and then throwing Warren's crew off the ship one by one.

Kaylee was still up on the walk. She sat on the grating, arms clutched around her knees, staring at the body of the man she'd pushed off. She couldn't bring herself to move. She just stared at him, at the shiny red streams of blood creeping across the floor from his cracked skull. What had she done?

River was watching Kaylee carefully, as were Simon and Inara. Inara told Simon to put her down, assuring him she was all right. She knew he needed to go to Kaylee. Simon dashed to the upper walk to Kaylee, and River went to help Inara to the common room sofa, since her shuttle was still parked outside Serenity.

Simon knelt down tentatively by Kaylee, placing a hand on her back. "Kaylee? Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

"No… he didn't hurt me. I hurt _**him**_. I killed him Simon. I killed him!" Kaylee cried hoarsely.

Simon pulled her to him. "Oh bao bei, you had to do it. You had no choice. They were here to hurt you. You had no choice…"

Kaylee just pressed her face to his shoulder, trying to burn the image of the dead man's body from her mind.

-O-

"C'mon Joe, no one'll miss us!"

"What are you talkin' about? 'Course they'll miss us! We can't just disappear!"

"I do it all the time!"

"That's 'cause you don't get in no trouble for it! I will!"

Sixteen year old Kaylee jumped in front of Joe as they walked along Meadow's main street. "Aw Joey, don't be a spoil sport! We could have a lotta fun today!" she said in a teasing tone.

Joe placed his hands on her shoulders and bodily set the diminutive girl aside so he could keep on walking. "No! Mr. Frye won't get mad at _**you**_! I'm the one who'll get fired from your pa's shop if we take the afternoon off!"

Kaylee merely smiled brightly and slipped her arm through his. Leaning her head on his shoulder, she peered up into her boyfriend's blue eyes. She didn't think there was a set of prettier eyes in the all the 'verse— even if he was a boy. They were just so big and so startlingly blue, with such sweeping dark lashes all 'round. She could look into those eyes all day and never tire of them.

William Joseph Mason, or Joe to just about everyone, was one of the most handsome boys in all of Meadow, if not _**the**_ most. Along with his deep, intense eyes, he had the silkiest hair, all turned golden and white blonde from the sun. He was nigh on a foot taller than Kaylee, with shoulders that went on forever and a torso rippling with muscles. Sometimes Kaylee could hardly sleep nights for pondering on how gorgeous he was.

And he was all hers!

Kaylee just knew that Darlene Mitchell was steaming over losing Joe to her. But Darlene had been too uppity for a boy like Joe. He had wanted someone uncomplicated, kind, and full of life, someone like his Kaylee. But damn it if she didn't like to get her own way a lot! Joe scowled down at Kaylee's big bright smile. He knew that look of hers all too well. He'd been working summers at Frye's Fix-It since he was eleven years old, and Jefferson Frye's only daughter had been steadily wrapping him around her little finger in the seven years since then.

He couldn't ever resist Kaylee's twinkling little eyes and her teasing smile – but today he would. He was already in her pa's bad books for dating his little prodigy. He didn't even want to know what he'd do if they skipped off work together. Joe was eighteen now and trying to learn his trade over at her pa's shop.

He loved watching Mr. Frye fix all the clapped out shuttles and mules that looked like they'd never run again. Over the last couple of years he'd picked up a lot, and hoped Mr. Frye would take him on full-time now. Knowing the inner workings of a machine and learning to listen to how it all worked came naturally to little Kaylee and her pa, but Joe had had to work hard at it. He didn't want to get fired from the job he loved so much.

Vivianne, Kaylee's momma, had sent the two of them down to the General Store to pick up some cuttings for supper while Frye's Fix-It was closed for lunch. Kaylee had set her heart on spending the rest of that beautiful summer day down by Brydon's Creek. She and Joe could spend the whole day all alone. She wasn't about to give up on persuading him yet. She usually won out in the end anyway.

"Kaylee you can just stop lookin' at me with them big doe eyes," Joe said sternly, trying to remain indifferent to her charms.

Kaylee put a wounded look on her face. "We been workin' all week Joe! Daddy won't mind none!" she said cheerfully, brushing her lips against his neck. "We can spend the day swimmin' down at Brydon's Creek… layin' in the grass… C'mon Joe, weren't it no fun last time?"

A tiny shiver went down Joe's spine as he thought of that 'last time' she spoke of.

"'Member Joe?" Kaylee asked in a seductive voice. "You 'n' me spent the whole evenin' down at that creek… laughin' and playin'… and makin' love… Don't you wanna do all that again?"

"Ai ya," Joe swore under his breath. "You're gonna be the death of me Kaywinnet Lee Frye," he said as he yanked her down a side-street.

Kaylee let out an excited squeak as he pushed her against the alley wall. "I guess you do remember!"

Joe pressed against her, burying his face in her neck, breathing in that earthy scent. It was engine oil and it was grass and it was strawberries. It was Kaylee.

"I'm serious," he murmured into her skin. "When your daddy finds out what we've been doin' down at that creek all those times he's gonna get his shotgun and make a rug outta me."

Kaylee laughed gently, sending a torrent of pleasure over him. She ran her fingernails over his biceps, turning her sun-kissed face up to him. "I won't let him. We'll run away together!" she giggled. "That way we can just live down at that creek and make love in the grass all day long…"

Joe let out a groan. "Don't tempt me. Just don't tempt me…" he murmured as he kissed her.

Kaylee sighed happily and fell into the intoxicating bliss that came with kissing Joe Mason.

"Well, well. If it isn't _**Kaywinnet**_ standing in the gutter like she ought to be!"

Joe and Kaylee pulled apart, and looked up to see none other than Darlene Mitchell standing in the opening of the alleyway with an arch look on her face. A few of her pals were standing behind her with similar expressions on their faces.

"Go take a jump into the creek Darlene!" Kaylee said sweetly. "Might cool off that hot head 'o yours."

"Funny, _**Kaywinnet**_," Darlene snapped. "I guess that's why Joe's still with you— 'cause you're so _**funny**_. It sure ain't for any other reason." She raked Kaylee up and down disdainfully with her eyes.

Joe grabbed Kaylee's hand suddenly and pushed through the group of girls. "I guess you'd know all about funny Darlene," he said to her. "Seein' as how _**funny**_ Murphy Patterson thought his last date with you was."

Darlene's mouth dropped open and she merely gaped as Joe stalked off, Kaylee in tow.

"Joe! I didn't know you had it in ya!" Kaylee exclaimed.

Joe just laughed. "Always did little Kaylee."

He and Kaylee continued to chuckle over the look on Darlene's face as they walked into the General Store.

Mrs. Freeman's eyes lit up as the two entered. "Why Kaywinnet Lee Frye you just keep gettin' prettier and prettier every day!" she exclaimed in her high-pitched voice. "And William Joseph Mason! Ain't you the handsomest young fella this side o' Three Hills!"

"Hi Mrs. Freeman," Joe said laughingly, ducking his head in shyness.

"We came for some cuttin's for Ma," Kaylee told her. "Just a few slices o' pork thanks Mrs. Freeman."

"Sure thing little Kaylee!" Mrs. Freeman said.

"Why does she always gotta say our entire gorram names every times she sees us?" Joe muttered to Kaylee.

Kaylee snorted with laughter, and nudged him. "She's a kind old woman Joe. Leave her be!"

Just then two men roughly pushed in between Joe and Kaylee and stalked over to the counter. A third slammed the door shut, and turned the sign to 'closed'. Joe and Kaylee looked at them, startled. Kaylee gasped as one pulled out a gun and pointed it at Mrs. Freeman. The other shoved Joe and Kaylee backwards with a warning glare. Joe grabbed her hand in a vice-like grip, tensely watching.

"You got a fortnight's takin's over in that safe old woman. We know it sits there every week 'fore ya deposit it in the bank, so don't even try to deny it," the leader said. "Open the safe and put the cash in them money bags and we'll be on our way all quiet-like."

Mrs. Freeman looked terrified but did as they said.

"Ruttin' hell!" the man at the door exclaimed. "The law's headin' this way boys! Best move it!"

"What's the law doin' down this side o' town?" one of them asked in a panic.

"Hurry up lady!" their leader snapped.

Joe's eyes slid toward the store window. He could see Deputy Fisher walking across the street toward the store, obviously unaware of the robbery, as he was walking quite slowly and casually. He was mentally willing the man to hurry up. His heart sank when he veered off to the right to talk to some fellow in the street.

Joe looked at the two men at the counter, who had their backs to him. Then he looked at the man at the door, who was too busy watching the deputy to notice Joe looking. He gave Kaylee a small smile before running to the shop window.

"Deputy! Deputy Fisher! There's a robbery!" he shouted, banging on the window.

Kaylee's heart leapt into her throat in utter fear. The men panicked, and in a flurry of action, their leader pointed his gun in Joe's direction. Kaylee watched, as if in slow motion, as he pulled the trigger. A surge of adrenaline rushed through her and she jumped forward, pushing the robber down. As they hit the floor, Deputy Fisher and a few other men burst in, grappling with the robbers.

Kaylee struggled to sit up, disoriented from the fall. Mrs. Freeman screamed as Kaylee stood up unsteadily. The old woman was standing by the store window. A young man was kneeling on the floor next to Joe, who was bleeding heavily from a gunshot wound to the chest.

"Oh my God!" Kaylee cried. "No, no, no…"

She threw herself beside Joe, gripping his hand as the man pressed his coat against the gushing wound. Joe turned his head toward Kaylee, looking dazed. A few tears of pain slipped out of the corners of his eyes and ran down his temples. He smiled at Kaylee.

"We should've gone to the creek Kaylee," he whispered. "We should've gone to the creek…"

**-O-**

Kaylee gazed out over Brydon's Creek as the July sunset was slipping down over the horizon just beyond it. She'd always loved the creek at this time of year. Everything looked so green and fresh and sensuous. So inviting. It made her just want to stay there forever.

Serenity had set down in Meadow yesterday evening, and Kaylee had near fallen into her momma's arms. The crew had been welcomed into the Frye home where a big supper had been laid out. All of Kaylee's brothers had stopped by that night to say hi to their little sister and meet the famed crew she talked about so much in her letters and waves.

Kaylee had fallen back into the comfortable, bustling atmosphere of her home, watching all of the action around her. Mal, Jayne, her daddy and all her brothers had started an epic card game which lasted well into the night. Her momma Vivi had fussed over Simon, so glad to finally meet the gorgeous young Core doctor her girl had snagged. Kaylee didn't think her mother had let Simon out of her sight at all since they'd arrived.

Vivi had made a still sickly Inara one of her home cures— a thick, warm broth that had brought colour back to the ex-Companion's cheeks in no time. Her momma had had bucket loads of advice for Zoë on how to handle Hobie's oncoming terrible twos. She'd had a chat with mother-to-be River as well. River had thought Vivi was one of the wisest people she'd met, and said so in her usual candid way.

Kaylee had felt detached from all of the cheer and action though. She couldn't get that man out of her head, couldn't forget how he'd looked just before he fell to his death. She couldn't forget that it was because of her that he was dead. Kaylee sighed heavily and leaned back against the tree she was sitting at. She heard a rustling behind her and glanced around. Her daddy Jefferson was stomping through the bush looking for her.

"There ya are! That fella o' yours has been lookin' all over for ya!" he blustered, sitting down beside her.

"Simon? I'll go find him later."

Her father grunted. "Strange sort, ain't he? With his big manners and words. Ain't no cause for such politeness 'round these parts. We's just plain folk."

"He's just being nice Daddy," Kaylee insisted. "Simon's from the Core. He's born 'n' bred that way. You should be glad I didn't bring home no tattooed crook or nothin'."

"I guess I should," Jefferson nodded. "You been mighty quiet since you got home little Kaylee. Not like yourself. Everythin' all right on that boat?"

"Fine." Kaylee pressed her lips together.

"Your momma does that too. Presses them lips o' hers together when she's spinnin' a falsehood."

"Daddy…"

"Don't you 'Daddy' me Kaywinnet!" Jefferson said sternly. "That captain o' yours told me there was some trouble on the boat yesterday. Some hun dans caused some bother for you. Said you had to do yourself some killin'."

Kaylee was silent.

"Daughter, I want you to tell me if you's troubled about this."

"I just… I killed him Pa. I mean, I ain't no fighter. Not like the Cap'n or Zoë… I do it when I gotta, like that time with the Reavers I told ya about. But I ain't never just killed an ordinary man before," Kaylee said, her voice shaking.

Jefferson put an arm around her shoulders, giving her a stern glare. "You did what you had to do. Times is tough! Can't wait for the law to come runnin' when you need help! When someone is tryin' to hurt you, tryin' to take your life from you… well you just gotta give 'em what for Kaylee!"

"I just don't feel right Pa," Kaylee murmured.

"I know. For someone sweet such as yourself, it don't come easy, do it?" Jefferson sighed. "And I'm tempted as hell to pull you off o' that boat… but I trust that captain. Mal, well he's got a damn brave soul, he does. I know he would've killed that fella hisself if'n he'd have been there."

Kaylee let out a little sob and rested her head on her father's shoulder. 

"Child, you remember that day in town when them hun dans shot your Joe?" Jefferson said softly.

Kaylee's heart panged as he said that. "I was just thinkin' about that."

Jefferson nodded. "Well darlin' you just better recall what you done that day. There was three men with guns pointed at you and you just knocked that fella shootin' at Joe clean over!"

"I had to…"

Jefferson grinned widely. "Well 'course ya did! When it comes to your life and the lives of them that you love the most, all that matters is that you do what you gotta do. And you did. You did it that day, and you did it yesterday. And if all your stories o' bandits and purple bellies and Reavers is truth, well you done it plenty other times too darlin'!"

Kaylee smiled thinly. "I guess."

"You was brave yesterday to face that man, just like you were brave that day down in the General Store little Kaylee. Don't you dare feel guilty," Jefferson told his daughter sternly.

"I couldn't have said it better myself."

Both looked up to see Simon standing before them smiling. Dressed in a loose shirt open at the neck and with his hair pushed back off of his face, he looked radiant and at home in the presence of Kaylee's family. Kaylee's face lit up on seeing him standing there.

"That'd be my cue to pass the torch," Jefferson said, getting up. He leaned down to Kaylee's ear quickly. "That boy's all right. A bit uptight, but a good sort. He'll see ya through, daughter," he whispered.

Kaylee gave her father a watery smile as he stood up straight. Simon took his place by her, pulling her against his chest.

"Kaylee, are you all right?"

"Oh Simon… I just felt so guilty," Kaylee said tiredly. "But my Daddy made sense. He always does. I know I did what I had to."

Simon kissed her forehead. "You did bao bei. I'm only sorry I wasn't there to protect you."

"You protected me more by flyin' off to get the others Simon!" Kaylee insisted. "You did what was right too."

There was a comfortable silence, before Simon spoke again.

"Your family's amazing Kaylee. It's no wonder you are like you are with such people around you."

"They like you too. My momma ain't never gonna let you leave, and my brothers, well they joke and kid around, but they're just proud as anything that I've got such a kind man takin' care o' me."

Simon smiled as one of his blushes crept up his neck. Kaylee laughed and slipped her arms around his neck, kissing him delightedly.

"You're so damn cute Simon Tam," she chuckled. "So full of propriety 'n' honour. What am I gonna do with you?" She looked at him squarely. "I know what… I'm gonna make you take leave of that propriety 'n' honour for a little while."

Simon raised his eyebrows challengingly. "How?"

Kaylee swept a hand out, gesturing to the expansive landscape around them. "We're alone. All alone. Down by a beautiful creek. And I don't think we've ever had the opportunity to make love off of Serenity…"

Simon's face froze in a disbelievingly smile. "Kaylee Frye you're a vixen. Do you take all your conquests down here?"

"Only the ones I truly, truly love," Kaylee whispered.

Her Joe flitted into her mind then. That untouched young love she'd had for him would be eternally connected to this creek. And now so would her love for Simon. Kaylee smiled to herself. Oh, how the circle just went round and round. Here she was, back at the start… with Simon. And damn it if she didn't know in her heart of hearts that she was going to marry this man…

Simon's warm, loving eyes dropped to her lips as he leaned in. "We'd better get started then, hadn't we?"

**-O-**

Two very long hours later, Kaylee and Simon walked hand in walked across the fields to her house. They could hear shouts of laughter echoing through the trees from her back yard. Once they slipped through the undergrowth and back to the Frye's, they saw that Vivi and Inara were laying out supper on tables in the yard, while the crew and Kaylee's brothers kidded around.

Her two eldest brothers, Mitch and Jefferson Junior, or JJ, both of whom had sandy blonde hair and healthy faces turned brown from the sun, were playing a raucous ball game with Mal and Jayne while Hobie ambled about them, looking very put out that he wasn't being tossed the ball. Zoë was perched on a low wall beside River, laughing and watching the game. Kaylee's other two brothers, Kit and Holden, were stringing up lanterns, giving the whole garden a winking, sepia-toned ambiance as daylight faded.

"It's so beautiful," Simon marvelled.

"Well we can't give you the finery of your home back on Osiris, but I think this'll do!" Kaylee quipped.

"No, Kaylee, _this_ is finery," Simon insisted sternly, grabbing her hand. "We had parties and get-togethers, sure… but this, this is just welcome and happiness realised. This place is… it's somewhere I wouldn't mind settling down in. Somewhere I wouldn't mind ending my days. Ending them with you."

Simon had said that with such conviction and clarity that Kaylee was at a complete loss for words. She smiled, feeling shy for the first time in a long time, and looked down. He took her chin and raised her head to meet eyes with him.

"Like your father said Kaylee, when it comes to your life and the lives of the ones you love the most, all that matters is that you do what you have to do. I could have lost you yesterday if you hadn't have done what you had to do… you might never have known how I truly feel about you Kaylee. I don't intend for that to continue," Simon said in a hushed, intense tone. "I _**love**_ you Kaylee. I love your family, your planet. And I don't care if I have no home on Osiris. I don't care if my parents have disowned me. I don't care that I travel around constantly. Because I've found home Kaylee. _**You**_ are my home."

Kaylee burst into tears and started laughing at the same time. She threw her arms around Simon's neck and latched her legs around his waist. The attention of most everyone in the garden was now focused on them.

"What's this?" Vivi asked.

"Methinks our Kaylee done got herself engaged," Mitch teased.

"No," River murmured. "Better than that."

Kaylee pulled away from Simon, and they moved into the middle garden. "No, we didn't get engaged! I'm just happy. So happy. Ya'll in this yard are the most important people in my whole life," she said happily.

"Oh darlin'…" Vivi smiled at Jefferson fondly and then back at her daughter.

"And us on Serenity, we've seen some bad days," Kaylee said, her gaze sweeping over Zoë and River especially. "And there's probably more bad days ahead, but it's good to know we got somewhere we can go at the end o' the day. Somewhere like this." She looked at her parents. "And this crew I got 'round me, they're… they're just shiny. Best in the 'verse."

Mal, clutching the basketball under his arm, brushed away an imaginary tear. "I'm okay! Somethin' in my eye!" he called out in a breaking, shaky voice, and turned away, theatrically suppressing a sob.

Inara rolled her eyes at Mal's display, and smiled widely at Kaylee, her own eyes shining. Kaylee's passel of brothers crowed and jeered as Simon swept Kaylee up in a kiss, and Kaylee's pa followed suit with Vivi.

Jayne, who had Hobie perched on his shoulders, took the opportunity to grab the ball from Mal and hand it up to the toddler. Hobie triumphantly scored a basket with Jayne's added height, and went wild with delight, his cheers rising over even Kaylee's brothers'. Zoë laughed and hopped off of the wall, swinging Hobie down from Jayne's shoulders and congratulating him. Her own emotion had been swelling in her throat, but she swapped her sorrow for joy as she laughed with her son.

Jayne caught River's gaze, those eyes of hers liquid as water and just as easy to drown in.

A slow smile pulled at the side of River's mouth. "Best in the 'verse…"

JJ went around the house when a mule was heard powering down in front of the Frye homestead. Kaylee went to help her mother and Inara finish setting out supper, while Zoë and Hobie fought Mal and Mitch for the ball. The mother and her son seemed to be winning. Jayne walked across the yard to River, who was staring at the lantern Simon was helping Holden to hang.

"Bright. Glowing. Like a firefly," she murmured, staring into the lamp's light.

"Guess it is," Jayne affirmed, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her head.

"You're sweaty," River stated.

"But it's manly, attractive sweat," Jayne said.

"Now that's a contradiction," Simon snorted.

He almost dropped the lantern he was hanging when Kaylee's shrill, excited shriek echoed across the garden. JJ had arrived back from the front drive with a few visitors. Kaylee dashed across the garden and threw herself into one of the newcomer's arms.

"Little Kaylee! Meadow's been missin' its brightest star since the black gained a new one," Joe Mason whispered in her ear.

Kaylee smiled up at Joe, her eyes filling up again with yet more tears of happiness. "Joe, I'm so glad you came."

"How could I not?" the handsome blonde mechanic said teasingly. "Kaylee Frye comes back from the black after years away? I had to come see you!"

"You look damn good William Joseph Mason," Kaylee laughed.

"Why thank you Kaywinnet Lee Frye!" he returned with a snort.

Kaylee looked to their second visitor. "And you! Let me see you Darlene Mason! Momma told me you were expectin'! How you been?" she exclaimed, taking the brunette into her excited embrace.

Darlene laughed as Kaylee squeezed her. "The heat ain't helpin' none, but the midwife says I should be birthin' Joe a son any day now!" she replied.

Kaylee stood back, looking back and forth between the couple, a radiant smile on her face. "Ain't you two a picture?" she said happily.

Joe Mason had not died that day in the General Store when a robber's bullet had shot him in the chest. He had not died because Kaylee had done what she had to do that day. She'd pushed that robber shooting at Joe down, and knocked his aim off. If she hadn't, Joe would've ended up shot right through the head.

Joe had finished learning his trade at her pa's shop, and had been ready to start work there too when the opportunity to buy his own shop a few towns over arose. He and Kaylee had parted amicably after that, but remained the best of friends. Kaylee had been in her first few months on Serenity when Darlene Mitchell had returned from her aunt's off world a much more mature and all round nicer person. This was the first time Kaylee had seen Joe and Darlene together, and she didn't think there was a more pleasing couple. Besides her and Simon of course.

Kaylee smiled contentedly as she introduced Simon and Joe to each other, two of the three great loves of her life finally meeting. And as for her third love, well… she'd introduce Joe to Serenity later. She was sure he'd revel in her warm curves and brilliant construction as much as she had.

River buried her face in Jayne's chest, breathing in his musky scent. Sweaty yes, but still manly and attractive as he'd said. She laughed as she watched Kaylee mesmerise Joe with her talk of the many frays she'd gotten Serenity out of, and mesmerise Simon with… just— _**herself**_. The Kaylee they knew and utterly adored was well and truly back.

"Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down…" River murmured, understanding yet again the truth in those words.

**-O-**

It was midnight when two figures slipped away from the festivities under the cover of darkness. The grass and the trees and the night swallowed them up and they headed for the sound of water lapping against earth. It wasn't long before Jayne and River stood by Brydon's Creek, almost exactly where Kaylee had been earlier in the day.

JJ's wife and their two children had arrived earlier, adding to the growing party in the Frye's back yard. Once Mitch's girlfriend had left work, she too had joined them. The excitement had been in full swing by nine o' clock, with the kids - and Mal - running riot through the grasses and flowers, their laughter punctuating the camaraderie and chatter of the adults sitting around the tables.

Kaylee's dad had gotten drunk on homemade wine and begun singing much to his wife's chagrin. It seemed Kaylee had learned her engine fermentation methods straight from daddy. Most of the girls had set up shop at a table playing cards while the men drank and swapped their manly stories at another.

Mal, tired from all of his skipping about and carousing with the children, had fallen asleep with his head in Inara's lap, drooling ever so slightly on her linen-covered knee. The atmosphere and warmth of Three Hills had done Inara wonders, and she felt so much more invigorated and healthy. And as she had looked down on Mal, smoothing her slender fingers over his hair, she had felt like she'd never loved him more, despite the fact that his saliva was all over her leg.

With everyone so full of cheer and wine, it had been easy for Jayne and River to leave their respective groups and steal down to the creek together.

River decisively planted her two bare feet in the cool water, grinning like a child. "River is in the river…" she murmured.

"Little Kaylee's homestead didn't turn out to be half bad, did it?" Jayne remarked, watching her kick around in the shallows.

"It's wonderful. Full of promise and crickets," River agreed in her usual enigmatic way.

Jayne just looked at her, mirth pulling his mouth into a grim. "You say the best things, you crazy little moon brain."

River beamed at him. Jayne grabbed her wrist and yanked her from the water, her protesting immediately. He picked her up under the arms and deposited her soundly on a soft grassy rise. Her objections were silenced as he pulled her down to sit against him.

"Three moons and a planet sitting in the sky," River whispered, throwing her head back and looking up.

Jayne followed suit. "So there is," he replied, trailing his fingers up and down her chilled arms.

"Kaylee was so sad. She didn't like killing."

"No one likes killin'," Jayne said distractedly, his fingertips running down her collarbone and over her breasts.

"You do!" River laughed.

"That's 'cause I'm a vicious slayer of men! Just like you!" Jayne growled, grabbing her hips and trapping her under him all of a sudden.

River laughed and tried to scramble away, but he wouldn't let her. "Slayer of men?" she snorted.

Jayne kissed her soundly. "Well ya slayed me, didn't ya? Mowed me down in my damn tracks, girl."

"But you got up again," River said, her precocious eyes glinting in the moonlight.

"And better for it," Jayne muttered gruffly, looking down.

River couldn't see his face. She rarely saw his face when he said such things. Jayne wasn't the best with admitting his emotions or feelings. She didn't hold it against him. She already knew what he never said.

"I believe I had me an idea once…" Jayne said, pressing his lips to her neck. "It involved us alone at this creek… and _**didn't**_ involve fishing."

River let out a little sigh of pleasure and happiness. "With only the crickets and the trees to listen…" she murmured.

"Out in the bosom of nature," Jayne agreed, his hand dancing over her chest. "Oh look… bosom."

River let out a snort of laughter that he quickly silenced with his lips. Jayne's hand trailed up her leg, dragging the hem of her soft dress up her thigh. The dress pooled just under the swell of her stomach. He drew his hands slowly up over it, feeling inertly possessive as he looked upon River's pregnant belly.

His lips left a trail of fire down her neck as he pulled the dress down her shoulders, as he opened the buttons at the front. The night air hit her feverish skin, sending shivers across River's body. As his mouth moved lower… lower, River arched her back and gazed at the sky over Jayne's broad shoulders.

"The stars are watching," she murmured.

Jayne laughed against her bare breast. "Then they're gonna get one hell of a show…"

**-O-**


	4. Mal

**Part 4**

_Mal_

Serenity was peaceful. Her pilot's mind was not.

River sat up in bed with a gasp. Her hair and skin were damp and slick, her mind's labours having had their usual harsh effect on her body. Instinctively, her hand shot out behind her to reach for Jayne, but it wasn't met with his familiar, solid form. He wasn't there.

Where was he?

She remembered that he'd had a job that night. He had gone with Mal and Zoë on a late night pickup with some shady folk nervous about being caught with contraband. For that reason, they'd arranged to meet at midnight in a secluded canon east of Amethyst, a town on the planet Lilac. Zoë had sent a wave from the Mule saying they were having some difficulties, no reason to panic, but just that they'd be late coming back. But River felt a jolt of fear and uncertainty shake her. Were they back yet? And if not, had something happened to them?

River untangled herself from the sheets and swung her legs over the side of the bed, pausing to swallow her nervousness. She set her bare feet on the ground, smoothing her short blue nightdress over her thighs. She ran her thumb and index finger over the frilly hem of the nightdress. Kaylee had bought it for her on Persephone, getting herself one in pink the same day.

As River walked to the door in somewhat of a daze, a smile came to her face. She had been wearing this blue nightdress the night her baby had been conceived. Well, she'd been wearing it _**before**_ the conception anyway. River slid her bedroom door open, that memory igniting her mind with pinpricks of passion and pleasure.

Then she frowned all of a sudden. She could hear something. What was that? When she stepped out into the corridor, she could hear it more loudly. She glanced at Simon's room next to hers and slid the door open. The room was empty. River's lips parted in confusion just as she saw something out of the corner of her eye. She swung her head in that direction, but it darted out of sight.

River gently fluttered through the ship, hearing that same achingly familiar sound ringing in her ears. She found herself at the door to the kitchen. She reached out to slide it open, but it opened before she could. She found the source of the noise.

Herself.

"Two by two, hands of blue. Two by two, hands of blue…"

River gaped as she was faced with her fourteen year old self. She felt her already fragmented mind shatter as she stared herself in the face.

"Two by two, hands of blue. Two by two, hands of blue…"

"Stop it!" River cried. "Stop saying that!"

The younger River just smiled serenely.

"How did you get here?" River asked, petrified.

"I was always here."

"How did you escape from them?" she demanded.

Her younger self merely looked at her. "I escaped with you. In you. I _**am**_ you."

"No… Not now. Not again…" River murmured, backing away.

"You can't hide River. You could hide from them, but you can't hide from me."

River shook her head, wringing her hands. "No. _**No**_. I am not the sum of all parts. I'm separate. You're not me. I'm not you. Parts and pieces. Separated from each other. Tiny parts. Tiny pieces. I'm one third of the whole. One third. Better. You're the broken piece. _**You**_."

Younger River frowned sorrowfully. "Don't lock me away. They always lock me away."

River's breathing hitched and she lunged forward, slamming the kitchen door closed. Locking her away. A separate part. One broken. One whole. Her other self peered mournfully at her through the glass. River couldn't stand to look at her. She ran. She ran very far away.

She had to find Simon. Or Jayne. Or Mal. Any of them. One of them would save her, just like they always did. River ran along the corridor to the bridge, frantically calling for someone to help her. She yanked the door to the bridge open…

And she came to a grinding halt.

As if in slow motion, the man standing at the console turned around. He wasn't her brother, or her captain, or her Jayne. And the bridge wasn't the bridge. She wasn't on Serenity. She was trapped. Just like she'd trapped her younger self only moments ago, she'd now trapped herself here.

With him.

"Hello River," Doctor Mathias smiled warmly.

He walked across the cold white room to her, opening his arms like a welcoming uncle.

"Our friends want to see you River. They've missed you very much."

"No. No. I don't want to see them!" River protested, as he took her arm in a gentle but firm grasp.

"River. Don't be afraid. They're so happy you're here," Doctor Mathias insisted softly.

"No! You can't make me!" River screamed, pushing him away from her.

Doctor Mathias looked at her sorrowfully. "Oh River. You're making a mistake. River…" he whispered, his eyes suddenly growing wide with pain.

He looked down. He had a sword protruding from his abdomen. River looked on in terror as Doctor Mathias fell to the ground, his eyes blank and dead. Beyond him, she saw two men standing side by side with pleasant expressions on their faces.

"River. We've been expecting you," one of them said genially.

"Come along River. We have a lot of work to do," the other encouraged her.

He reached a hand out for her. It was blue.

River was by now crying hysterically, clutching her arms around herself, frantically looking for a way out. But the room was all white. And it had no doors. And no windows. And there were no one to save her.

"Leave me alone! Please leave me alone!" River shrieked.

"River. Calm down. You're bleeding all over our clean white floor," the first man said to her with a slight smile.

Icy cold horror washed over River and she looked down. Her hands and arms and stomach and legs were covered in blood. So much blood. River tried and tried to wipe it off, but it was everywhere. All over her. Where was it all coming from? Then River stopped abruptly. Something wasn't right. It was then that she realised she was no longer pregnant. There was a large, jagged incision in her stomach. And her baby was gone.

River clutched at her suddenly flat stomach, blood pouring out between her fingers. Her throat burned with hysterical sobs that echoed sharply off of the stark walls of the room.

"Now, now River. Be quiet. You'll wake the baby," the first man admonished.

River looked up, frozen in anguish. All of a sudden, he was holding a tiny, tiny baby that was covered in blood and gore. The man cradled the impossibly small, impossibly silent infant in his two blue-gloved hands, smiling genially at River.

"You took my baby!" River spat, one hand clutching her bleeding stomach, the other reaching out for her stolen child.

"We _saved_ your baby," the second blue-handed man corrected her.

The one holding the child nodded in agreement. "This is for the best River. All for the best."

River felt herself being dragged away from the blue hands. Immediately, she struggled viciously, utterly focused on getting her baby back. They had her baby. They would hurt it. Ruin it. Make it wrong. Break it so it would no longer be a child. Just like they did to her. The men with the blue hands had taken her apart and put her back together with pieces missing. She couldn't let that happen to her baby.

But she was so far away from the blue-handed men and her baby now. The white room seemed to stretch and their figures receded, moving further and further away before her eyes. She had to stop whoever it was from taking her away. She had to get her child back. She scratched and hissed, and kicked and struggled, unable to concentrate on getting away from her captor long enough to overpower him as easily as she knew she could.

"River! _**River**_"

River just kept struggling and crying, her sobs growing softer and softer as she realised that she had lost. She'd never get her baby back now. A pair of strong hands gripped her slender shoulders and shook her roughly. She closed her eyes, trying to shut it all out, trying to comprehend the loss of her child.

"Not again. Not again. Please not again," River murmured, over and over and over.

"Answer me! River!"

River snapped her eyes open at that. Light seared her retinas and for a moment she was blinded. And then the world came into focus. A pair of bright, comforting eyes appeared before her, searching her face frantically.

"Tell me you're all right girl. Tell me!"

The hands shook her again, and River blinked, hot tears rushing down her face. It was her Captain. It was Mal, and she was on the bridge. Back in Serenity's safe embrace. Unimaginable relief surged through River's veins, bringing warmth and life back to her frozen, horrified body. Mal ushered her wilting body into his arms.

"Ai ya! You done put the fear o' God into a man who's long since givin' up fearin' him. What in the sphincter hell were you doin'?" Mal asked in a stern but compassionate tone.

"They took my baby."

Mal sighed understandingly and stroked her hair. A nightmare. It wasn't exactly unusual for River to go on a walkabout while she was asleep, but she hadn't been doing it much of late. He'd hoped she wouldn't do it again, on account of the chaos it caused. He, Zoë and Jayne had just arrived back from the job a few minutes ago. While they were unloading the goods, he had come up onto the bridge to get them off of this rock and out of atmo. When he'd seen River standing in the middle of the bridge, speaking to people who weren't there, crying over some unknown fear, he'd had cause to wonder how she hadn't woken the others. Maybe it was best that she hadn't. Simon wouldn't take well to his pregnant sister sleepwalking in the ship, fighting with some imaginary adversary.

Mal reached out with one arm, grabbing for the comm. "Jayne. Get to the bridge immediate-like. It's River."

It wasn't but half a minute before Jayne came pounding down the corridor to the bridge.

"Lao tian ye! What's goin' on?" Jayne's voice was ever so slightly panicked. He entered the room with wild eyes.

River pulled away from Mal and flung herself into Jayne's arms in one sweeping motion.

"Wo de ma, you're shakin' like a leaf! What happened?" he asked, but he was really directing the question at Mal.

They looked at one another over River's head and Mal mouthed 'nightmare?' at him, with a bewildered shrug. Jayne squared his jaw and looked down at River.

"Ren ci de Shang di qing dai wo zou," she murmured into his shoulder.

"Don't say that. Don't you ever say that!" Jayne exclaimed, tightening his arms around her. "Now tell me what happened!"

"They came. Blue hands and black eyes. They cut my baby out and took it away," River whispered.

Jayne's expression faltered and broke when he heard that, but he collected himself almost instantly. He took a breath and shook his head. "That didn't happen. Those blue hands are dead. You know that."

River pulled away from Jayne's chest, looking older than Mal had ever seen her. She pressed a hand to her forehead. "I know they are. It was a nightmare. I know. All in my head. But… so real."

Jayne nodded stoically. "Well that's the trick 'o nightmares, ain't it? Wouldn't be half as frightening if they didn't feel real, would they?"

Mal blinked at the sense Jayne had just made. Wonders would never cease.

River gathered her breath, raking the air through her lungs. Her hands were pressed worriedly against her stomach.

Mal noticed and smiled at her reassuringly. "Your baby's just fine darlin'. Still sittin' pretty in your belly," he told her. "I'm gonna hafta start chargin' rent soon!"

That smile of hers made an appearance as she laughed softly at his joke. Mal was glad. Whether the danger was real and actual, or simply in her head, he knew it was all the same to River. She couldn't always see that line that separated fact from fiction. For her it was blurred - and probably always would be.

Zoë ran in breathlessly. "She okay?"

"Just shiny," Mal replied with certainty. "Right?"

"Yeah," River said softly. "Don't tell Simon… please. He'll just worry."

"I see no need to tell the good doctor about this. Do you Jayne?" Mal asked.

"None whatsoever."

Mal nodded curtly. "Then take her back to bed before he notices she's gone."

Jayne took a hold of River's hand and left the bridge with her. Zoë returned to the cargo hold to finish unloading the goods. And Mal just stood there on the bridge, thoughtful. He couldn't blame River for having a nightmare or two about her time in the Academy. It wasn't like he never had nightmares himself.

**-O-**

For the second time in one night, River started awake, gasping and wide-eyed. Her whole body was tense and alert as she struggled to sit up. This time, when she reached around for Jayne, he was there. They hadn't come back from the job until near three in the morning, so he was pretty much dead to the world. He'd barely stirred when River started thrashing around in her sleep. He had no need to stir anyway. She was fine. It hadn't been _**her**_ nightmare that had caused her to wake up so suddenly. It had been Mal's. Just like her mind, Mal's was always racing. Even in sleep.

River slipped out of bed, and walked down to the bridge at the other end of the ship, where someone was talking to Serenity.

"Hello Captain."

Mal jumped and looked around at her. "Scared me half to death! Start wearin' them big stompy boots, will ya? That or put a cow bell about your neck."

"I'll think about the cow bell idea," River returned, smiling tiredly. She tiptoed over to the co-pilot's seat, her bare feet silent.

Mal sighed and gazed into space. "I can't get used to sittin' in this chair. Don't suppose I ever will. I ain't Wash and Serenity knows it."

River nodded. "She does. But she doesn't hold it against you."

Mal cracked a smile. "She's kind like that," he joked. "But she's taken to you just fine, and you to her. You been doin' a fine job with this co-pilotin' River. I don't think I ever did tell you that."

River tilted her head. "Doesn't mean I didn't know it."

Mal grinned. "Guess I'll be flyin' solo for a couple o' months though, once the little one comes," he said. He reached out and grabbed a colourful brontosaur figure from the console. "I'll have Wash's funny little reptile friends to keep me company though."

River shook her head. "Actually, dinosaurs are more closely related to birds than reptiles. It's a common misconception."

Mal replaced the dinosaur with a quizzical frown. "It is at that. I learn somethin' new from you every day Little Albatross. Mighty educational. 'Course not everythin' you say is exactly understandable. But I'd wager it's still educational anyhow."

"Thank you. You didn't always listen to what I had to say. Crazy talk or not," River said good-naturedly.

"Ah well I can be a mean ol' man. You just ask little Kaylee and she won't hesitate to agree."

"I don't think she would."

"She _**should**_."

River laughed and Mal shook his head, a smile playing on his lips.

"So why ain't you sleepin'? Would've thought your walkabout earlier might've tired you out some."

"It did. I didn't have anymore nightmares. None of my own anyway," River said carefully.

Mal looked at her, confused.

River stared out into the black. "I dreamt about being tortured… and so did you."

Mal scratched the back of his left hand absent-mindedly, his fingertips brushing the shiny white scars there. "You see dreams too? Guess you _**are**_ somewhat a witch, huh?"

River shrugged, mesmerised by the stars and distant planets. "No. I just see into the truth of things. You said that to Simon once."

"I did…" Mal agreed.

"Your dream… it was bad, wasn't it?"

Mal clammed up, shifting uncomfortably in Wash's chair. He reached out and fiddled with a few switches. "I'd wager yours was a lot worse'n mine Little Witch. Them blue-handed fellas, baby bein' cut out o' ya… more'n my mind could take, I'll tell ya that."

River smiled indulgently. "Malcolm," she said in an admonishing, incredibly mature tone. "Torture to me, could be no such thing to you, and vice versa. Torture is relative to each person. My torture… well that really was _**my**_ torture. And so was yours. No better, no worse. Just yours."

Mal swallowed hard, and looked out into the black. He laughed nonchalantly. "Wise little thing, aren't ya? All beyond your years and such. Like you're nigh on seventy. Wonder what you'll be like when you really _are_ nigh on seventy."

"You're avoiding talking about it. Makes you uncomfortable."

Mal looked at her suddenly, eyes narrowed. "Well torture'll do that to a man," he snapped.

He instantly regretted it, and looked away once more. He brought his left hand up, rubbing the back of it again. He didn't even realise he was doing it. River did though.

"Tiny pinpricks. One by one. One after another. Over and over…" River whispered into the darkness.

Mal knew exactly what she was talking about. "Almost like you were there, ain't it?" he retorted, his voice tired and embittered.

"I was…" River murmured. "Dreams and memories, all tangled up. But I see into the truth of things. Just like you said. Untangled the dreams and memories… and found the truth…"

**-O-**

Mal was dreaming.

He dreamt of his momma running down the yard to him, her hair and her skirts flying after her. He was twelve years old and he'd forgotten his Bible again. She admonished him with laughing eyes and a bruising kiss to the cheek and sent him on his way to Sunday school. He grinned, and clutched the book to his chest, watching her dash all the way back up to the house, waving and chatting to their ranch hands along the way.

He kicked at the dust and ambled along the track at a relaxed pace. Shepard Drake never minded when he was late to Sunday school because it was always Mal who helped him with repairs in their rundown church. Mal kissed the cross that hung around his neck as he passed his daddy's grave, which lay on the edge of the Reynolds ranch. His momma kissed her own cross most every time she passed it too. And when she was scared or upset, she kissed it to remind herself of his daddy. Mal had taken to doing that himself over the years when he was alone, or in trouble, when he really needed reminding of his father.

He was so caught up in his thoughts, that he never spotted the rock jutting out of the ground. He tripped and fell hard, his Bible tumbling across the road. He tried to reach out for it, but he couldn't get to it. He couldn't get to it. And as he tried to stand up, he was suddenly hit with a hard, searing blow to the head. He closed his eyes to the white hot pain.

And when he opened them again, he was awake.

Gone was his momma's ranch, and his daddy's grave, and the dusty beauty of Shadow.

"Welcome back Sergeant. I was afraid you'd never wake up again."

Through two severely blood-shot eyes, twenty-eight year old Malcolm Reynolds groggily surveyed his captor.

General Ni-Chow stared back at him expectantly. "Are we listening Sergeant? Or does Officer Hirota have to give you another little wake up call?"

"I think the first one did the job just fine," Mal slurred, blood streaming down his temple from the cut Hirota's punch had opened.

He gazed blurrily around the room. So he was still here then. Still in the ten by ten concrete cell with no windows and just two things in it. A stool for General Ni-Chow, and a metal bar that stood in the middle of the room. It was cemented into the floor and the ceiling. Mal's arms were bent back behind him, his hands cuffed to it.

He had been there for thirty-one hours.

"Good." General Ni-Chow nodded. "Now that you've had a little rest, maybe you'll be willing to have a chat with me."

"A chat?" Mal choked out. He coughed, spitting out blood and bile on the concrete floor beside him. "Okay, a chat. Can there be tea? And some tasty little cakes? 'Cause a chinwag ain't a chinwag without tea and cakes."

General Ni-Chow smiled tightly and sat down on the stool in front of Mal's slumped body. "Tea and cakes? Is that what you're willing to bargain for? Because I was thinking you might be more preoccupied with bargaining for your _**life**_ Sergeant."

Mal let out a sharp laugh that sent ripples of pain through his five broken ribs. "I'm thinkin' my life is pretty much forfeit at this particular point in time General," he retorted with a dazed smirk.

"Is that so? What makes you think that?"

Mal smiled at the Chinese man pleasantly. "Well, General, I think that because there's no ruttin' way you're gettin' a _**word**_ out of me. Not a single gorram word. Since the only reason you have me here is to get me to talk, I'm guessing when I don't you'll have me shuffled off as it were."

"As it were," General Ni-Chow agreed. He frowned and balanced his left ankle on his right knee, surveying Mal with a relaxed look. "That doesn't bother you? It bothers me. You're a very fine soldier, and an even finer Sergeant. But you are on the losing side of this war young man. Don't lose your life as well. Not in order to protect a ragtag band of soldiers who are already dead."

Mal laughed again, splitting several dried over cuts in his lower lip. "Ragtag band 'o soldiers? Yeah, it's because they're so _**not**_ a threat that you've got me shackled up in your very fine torture chamber to find out their location!"

Ni-Chow ignored his remark. "Sergeant Reynolds. I hope you understand the gravity of the situation. You are a prisoner of war. You are subject to the Alliance's authority. The sooner you recognise this the sooner the pain will end."

Mal laughed, almost delirious. "Oh the pain's only just beginning I'd wager."

Ni-Chow merely looked at him. "I understand you're from Shadow. My brothers and I used to go there annually. Take a few horses into the outback, trek through the mountains. It was surprisingly pleasant for a Rim planet. I was upset when I heard it'd been hit by proton bombs. That was during the winter campaign in New Kashmir two years ago, wasn't it? While you and your men were spending months in a trench, stuck in a deadlock with Alliance soldiers… your home planet was being condemned as a black rock," the General said to Mal, as light-heartedly as if they were discussing the weather.

Mal just stared at the floor, his vision swimming with blood and tears. His breathing was laboured; he was heaving irregular, rasping breaths. This was not only because of his several broken ribs, but because he was forcing down his choking grief and anguish.

How _**dare**_ this man talk about Shadow? This purple belly who'd only set foot on a Rim planet for a bit of jaunty roughing it. Shadow had been Mal's _**home**_. It had been where four generations of Reynolds men had born and died, on the same plot of land. The Reynolds ranch. The ranch had been famous all across the tiny planet of Shadow. Famous for its beautiful scenery, bountiful land, and for being the place where some of the best horses on the Rim were bred. It had become even more well-known in Mal's lifetime because it had been run by a widow and her only son, with the help of her many ranch hands.

Wade Reynolds had run that ranch all his life, just like his daddy and his granddaddy before him. He'd been nearing forty when he had married a nineteen year old girl by the name of Jessica. She had been a teacher at the local school until she'd given birth to Mal. Wade had been shot to death by cattle rustlers when Mal had been just six. His young widow had had to take on the ranch all by herself, and had done it with zeal, keeping its good reputation unsullied.

And now all that was gone. All those years of hard work by not only his father and mother, but by generations of Reynolds men and their wives. He'd never again watch the sun set over the magnificent vista that made the Reynolds ranch such a prime spot of land. He'd never spend his day, from dawn 'til dusk, laughing and joking with the ranch hands, shoeing horses or breaking them in. He'd never get to show the children he might have one day the place he grew up in. And all because of the Alliance.

"Sergeant Reynolds? I'm assuming you knew Shadow was destroyed."

"I knew," Mal hissed, gritting his teeth.

"And your mother? I know she ran a wonderful ranch out there. I do so hope she wasn't planet side when the Alliance's 2nd Brigade dropped the bomb."

Mal said nothing.

"Oh no, Malcolm," Ni-Chow simpered. "I'm so sorry. Your father killed by rustlers, your mother a casualty of war. And here you are now, all alone. But you can make something or your life. You can do something to unite these scattered worlds Tell me Sergeant Reynolds. Tell me where the Independent's black ops unit is hiding. You know where they are, and you know what they are doing, because you were asked to _**become**_ one them. It's impressive. A man as young as yourself promoted to sergeant _**and**_ asked to join the black ops. And a man who'd only joined the war as a volunteer as well. Very impressive. But you're impressing no one with this display of foolish bravery. We will drop proton bombs anywhere we have to in order to destroy the black ops unit Sergeant Reynolds. Do you want another planet like your own to become a black rock because you refused to co-operate?"

Mal raised his spinning, pounding head, blinking blood out of his eyes. He set the General with a defiant stare. "I am not saying a _**word**_ to you, you _**he chusheng zajiao de zanghuo**_!!! Dong ma?!!" he bellowed at him.

General Ni-Chow sat back and pressed his lips into a thin line. "Very well Sergeant. You shall suffer the consequences." He stood up and motioned sharply to Officer Hirota, who opened the cell door for him. "You know what to do Hirota," he said as he left.

Hirota picked up a metal case and went to kneel by Mal. He opened the case and took out a few items. Then he unlocked Mal's left hand from behind his back and trapped it in another cuff, which he then chained to the bar behind Mal.

"You like workin' for Ni-Chow? Huh? You like doin' his dirty work?" Mal slurred at the young Chinese man. "How many Independents you had locked in this cell? How many of 'em have ya tortured to death?"

"Bi-zui!" Hirota snapped.

"Nah. You ain't gonna quieten me that easily. You're not as intimidatin' as the good General, see? Can't scare me," Mal laughed hazily.

"What _**will**_ scare you Sergeant?" Hirota asked succinctly. "Will this by any chance?"

He held up a thin pointed spike, about ten inches long. The entire case before him was filled with similar spikes in varying sizes, all in neat rows.

"Wow. Are they chopsticks?" Mal asked, feigning amazement. "We poor Rim folk only get the wooden type."

"Amusing."

Mal rested his head back against the bar he was chained to, smiling at the ceiling. "I thought so."

And right at that moment, Hirota plunged the thin spike down into Mal's left hand.

Mal gritted his teeth, his breath hissing through the gaps as he struggled to suppress the shock and pain. He kept his eyes trained on the ceiling, focusing hard on one spot, trying to push the agony to the far corners of his mind. He wanted so badly to just rip his hand away, and knowing that it was chained to the spot was hurting almost as much as the spike.

"Do you still think it's amusing now Sergeant Reynolds?" Hirota asked sharply.

"Qu ni de," Mal spat.

A deep and throaty groan of pain emanated from his chest as Hirota twisted the spike in retaliation.

"Just tell me where they are," Hirota said calmly, slowly forcing another spike down into the back of Mal's hand.

Mal let out an inadvertent cry of pain as the world swam before his eyes. "Ren ci de Shang di…" he murmured, squeezing his eyes shut.

"No Sergeant Reynolds, God can't help you now," Hirota said softly. "Only I can help you. Only I can take the pain away. Just tell me where the black ops unit is based. That's it. One little thing, and all the pain will be over."

"Ta ma de hun dan," Mal muttered to himself, his entire left arm trembling uncontrollably from the pain of the spikes embedded in his hand.

He could feel his mind and body being overtaken by the pain as Hiro stabbed a third and fourth spike into his hand. That last spike had gone all the way through his hand. Mal was slipping away, slipping into the black…

"Sergeant," he heard Hirota say. "Don't pass out now. I'm not finished yet…"

**-O-**

"You know what I dreamt about then? You know what happened?" Mal asked River.

"I do," River replied. "Captured by a special Alliance taskforce. Interrogated and questioned about the black ops unit. Then when you didn't talk, you were tortured. One by one. One after another. Ten little thorns sitting in your skin."

Mal laughed harshly, glaring at the shiny scars on the back of his hand. "Them weren't no little thorns darlin'."

"No. They weren't. Spikes. Cutting through veins and tendons and arteries and muscles. Five of them chipped your metatarsals. Finger bones with pieces missing. Still doesn't work right even after all these years."

Mal nodded his head. "You're not wrong there Little Witch. Used to be—"

"Ambidextrous," River finished. "You could write with both hands. Shoot with both hands."

"And now it takes all I got to pull a trigger with my left hand," Mal muttered darkly. "Good thing my right hand's still in perfect workin' order or I might've had to shove a few spikes into that hun dan's hand myself."

"He's dead."

"Come again?" Mal said, looking at River's distant expression.

"Officer Hirota. You refused to give them the location of the black ops unit, even after he used to spikes. And then the facility you were being held prisoner in was bombed by the Browncoats. Monty dragged you out of the cell. You never even noticed Officer Hirota buried under the rubble," River said in a quiet, far away voice.

"Huh. Guess I didn't," Mal marvelled. "All these years I been cursin' that fella's name, wantin' revenge, never even knowin' he died right after he did that to me."

"It wouldn't have mattered if you had known that he was dead. You still would've cursed his name. Still would've wanted revenge. The blue hands are dead. Saw them with my own two eyes. But I'm still afraid of them coming back to hurt me, still have nightmares about them. Fear is… timeless," River whispered. "Fear doesn't understand death or revenge."

Mal's expression softened and he squared his jaw. "Alliance got to both of us Little Albatross. Got right down inside us, tried to break us. Most likely _**did**_ break us. Took the best of us and altered it to their likin'. But that ain't where I ended. And it sure ain't where you ended, as far as I can see."

River smiled in agreement. "The Alliance's torture… it both brought us here. Gave us Serenity."

Mal looked at the back of his left hand again, at the scars. "And Serenity's worth all the torture in the 'verse," he said whole-heartedly.

"It is."

**-O-**


	5. Zoe

**Author's Note****: I have to apologise profusely. I began this story almost exactly a year ago, and I wrote and posted four chapters over a few weeks, and then I basically stopped writing it altogether. For a solid year, I have not gone near this fic, but in the last few days, I got this driving need to finish it. I love Firefly and its' 'verse, and I didn't want to leave this unfinished, especially since it was well-received and many wanted to know what happened next. I'm so sorry for the obscenely long delay, and I hope that everyone enjoys this chapter, and those to follow. **

**(And yes, this IS the story originally called 'Remember When'. That was a working title I put on it because I hadn't thought of a name yet. It was a pretty weak title, and I'm glad I thought of a more fitting one. It'll make sense to the story eventually, don't worry!)**

**-O-**

**Part**** 5**

_**Zoë**_

Serenity missed Wash, just like her crew did.

Those that flew her now, River, Mal, Kaylee, they didn't have Wash's finesse. As much as each of them fiercely loved Serenity, Wash was the one who knew how to _**handle**_ her, and really make her fly. Now he was gone. Serenity feared she'd never fly right again, not like she had with Wash.

Zoë feared that she too would never fly right without him.

She feared for the long years ahead, without Wash by her side. It had been more than two years since a Reaver had skewered him where he sat in his favourite place in the world – at Serenity's wheel. Two long years, and Zoë had had more than enough to distract herself from the grief. Another heist, another run through the black, another gun fight – and of course, the biggest distraction of all, carrying, birthing and bringing up Hoban Washburne the Second.

All the same, she still didn't feel quite right. There was a piece missing, half of a whole was gone. She had thought that she, of all people, would be strong enough to move on. She'd lost enough people in her life, especially in the War, but this was different. _**Wash**_ had been different. He had been an utter idiot, a stuttering, bad-joke-telling, rough around the edges, handsome-if-you-squint idiot. But he'd been _**her**_ idiot.

How could she possibly convey to Junior as he grew up just how wonderful his father had been? How could she accurately describe to him all of the layers and facets of Wash's eccentric, random, witty personality? Zoë wanted more than anything for Junior to really _**know**_ the man his father had been. She didn't want him just to be some story, she wanted him to come to life as a real man, who'd lived and breathed.

Zoë worried about that a lot. River knew this. As she watched Zoë pack crates onto the back of Mule for the latest drop off, she could hear her wondering what she could do to help Junior know a father who wasn't there. All of the nights she would lie awake, one side of the bed empty, River knew Zoë Washburne pleaded for that answer. She never found it.

As Mal, Zoë and Jayne set off in the Mule, Hobie waved goodbye from where he sat on the steps in River's arms. River cradled Hobie tight, as if he were her own, as if she were Zoë. She imagined herself in her place, imagined how she would cope, if suddenly Jayne was gone. She would be right where Zoë had been, carrying a child with no father.

A tear ran down River's face and she clutched Hobie even closer, pressing her face to his feathery soft hair. She cried for Zoë, and for Hobie, and for Serenity, and for all of them who had a piece of their lives missing because Hoban Washburne was dead.

River and Hobie later lay facing one another on her bed. Hobie was contentedly sucking his thumb, his eyes drooping as he fought sleep. Eventually sleep won the battle. River herself was tired. Neither she nor Jayne had slept much last night…

River sighed and curled into the bed, a little slip of laughter passing her lips. Nothing had changed between them since she'd gotten pregnant. His desire for her hadn't waned despite the slight changes in her anatomy. As River fell into that inviting abyss of sleep, flashes of memory passed across her mind's eye.

Jayne's shoulders moving above her. The low rumble of his voice in her ear. His hands, everywhere, all over, too many places to count. Her dizzying, airless climb to that pinnacle, as they moved in unison…

Memory slowly morphed into dream, and River slept on in peace. Until— something changed. Dream became nightmare. Nightmare… or prophecy? She saw Wash, and Zoë crying for him, and she saw Zoë holding Hobie and feeling alone, and then River herself, on the steps in the cargo hold earlier with Hobie, when she'd imagined what it'd be like to be Zoë. What it would be like… if Jayne were gone.

River started awake then, fear clutching its' clammy hand around her heart. She leapt off of the bed, leaving Hobie sleeping unawares. She stumbled into the corridor. In a daze, she made her way to the bridge, the walls and the ceiling and the floor swimming around her. Voices rang in her heard, and she spoke one aloud as she heard it.

"Two bullets. One. Two. And then you're dead. Well. Guess all I really need is one."

And then the deafening roar of the gun shot exploded inside her head, throwing her off balance. She slammed against a wall, gasping.

Simon was descending the nearby stairs and saw her. Panicked, he dashed over and clutched her shoulders. "River! What is it? The baby?"

"Something's going to go wrong… on the job," she choked out. "Send a wave to the Mule. Do it. Do it now. Someone's going to die… Simon… I think it's Jayne…"

Simon's eyes went wide. He backed off up the stairs he had just come down, looking back and shooting her a glance to make sure she was still okay. On the bridge, he didn't bother to try and explain everything to Kaylee, he just waved the Mule immediately, ignoring her queries.

A crackle came over the comm. "Zoë here."

Simon's eyebrows jumped and he leaned closer to the speaker. "Zoë! Is everyone okay? Has anyone been shot?"

"Doc, that you? No one's been shot. Everything went fine. We're about a mile from Serenity now."

Simon frowned and looked up out of the bridge's window. Sure enough, in the distance over a hill, he could see the Mule. "Okay. Okay… Thanks. I'll see you then…" He turned and leaned back against the console, feeling a rush of energy leave him all of a sudden. Everyone was fine. Why had River thought someone had been hurt?

"Simon?" Kaylee put her hand on his shoulder. "What was that about?"

"River… she said someone had been hurt. Jayne. She said Jayne had been hurt," Simon murmured. He looked at Kaylee, puzzled. "River's never wrong. I don't know what's going on with her."

Kaylee looked at him sympathetically, resting her chin on his shoulder and looking up at his face. "Well she's got a lotta hormones running about in her. She's never been pregnant before, you don't know if it's interfering with her Reading."

Simon nodded noncommittally. "Maybe. I don't know. One can't exactly scientifically examine the properties of a Reader, can they? Reading isn't even accepted by the medical community…"

"They're coming back now, aren't they?"

Kaylee and Simon turned to see River in the doorway. Her expression was calmer now. She knew she had been wrong.

"Yes. Jayne hasn't been shot. They're all fine," Simon told her.

River rubbed her head. "I _**heard**_ it. I know… I just know…"

Kaylee went to River. "Well you should be glad that Jayne ain't been shot honey."

"Yes. I know," River agreed. "I should be glad. I _**am**_ glad."

Dinner that night was loud and jovial. The job had gone well. It hadn't been a particularly high paying job, but it was enough to buy them fuel and supplies for the next month. Enough to keep them sailing.

River however was quiet and subdued, not participating in the conversation and laughter. She couldn't seem to quite find it within herself to be cheerful, even though the job had gone well, even though no one had been hurt, even though Jayne was right opposite her, alive and well.

The incident earlier had jarred her. She felt that familiar madness rising within her again. The temptation to break down and lose control was pulling at her, calling her. Since the Alliance had altered her mind so it couldn't block emotions, River had slipped into fear, into panic, into anger, as quick as the blink of an eye. In recent years, she'd worked at conditioning and training her mind to control her feelings, almost like someone who'd been in an accident learning to walk again. But there were some times that she was just tired of having to work so hard at something other people barely knew they were doing.

How was one person supposed to deal with so much? Even before she'd been an Alliance experiment, she'd been intensely different. They'd turned her into an assassin, but she had been born a psychic. She'd realised at a young age that she wasn't just smart, that she didn't just learn things, she _**knew**_ things. Things she couldn't possibly know. They weren't always good things either. She was filled with the hate and the anger of others. She felt bitterness and resentment that wasn't hers. She had nightmares about horrors she'd never experienced.

And as she stared across the table at Jayne's animated face, she wondered if what she had heard earlier had really been anything to do with her or Jayne, and if it wasn't just bits of somebody else's life, seeping through into her mind.

**-O-**

That night, River couldn't sleep. She turned over and lay on her side, looking at Jayne. He was fast asleep, breathing evenly, one arm thrown up behind him on the pillow. He wasn't dreaming. He was resting, body and mind. She wished she was. She wished she could shut her mind down, shut it down completely. She wished not to hear so much and see so much all the time, and for once, just to _**rest**_. She felt like she'd been tired for five years, and she was tired of _**being**_ tired.

In the last year or so, when Simon did his usual psychological check ups on her, he'd been saying how wonderful she'd come along. How brilliantly she was doing, how amazing it was that she was managing to keep herself so normal when the parts of her brain that usually kept one normal were missing. What a feat that was, a triumph, he enthused, how proud she should be of achieving such well-being, when by all rights, she should still be a babbling mess, like she had been when she'd first escaped the Academy.

So why didn't she feel triumphant, or proud? Why did she still feel so helpless sometimes? Why did she feel so out-of-control – like someone else was flying the good ship River?

River closed her eyes, several tears tracking down her face.

She was five months pregnant. How was she supposed to handle a baby? Another person that she was supposed to nurture, and teach, and show how to act like a well-rounded human being? She didn't _**know**_ how to be well-rounded. She didn't know how to be anything that was normal. Everything that had happened to her in the last few years had been totally out of her hands, by chance, including getting pregnant. She felt like she had no control over anything, like she was spiralling.

Having a child was only now becoming real, as the birth date drew closer. How could she ever have thought she could do this?

On top of it all, visions were trampling through her brain, leaving her even more upset and confused than she already felt. When she finally drifted off to sleep, she had more strange dreams. Everything swirled before her, insubstantial and chaotic. Children's faint laughter drifted back to her. She felt an intense sense of loneliness. Loud voices. Fear. Shock. And then the gunshot echoing through her head, over and over. Someone was saying her name. Over and over… over and over…

"River! River! Mother-humping hell, would you wake up?"

River groaned and blinked. Jayne swam before her, his expression exasperated. "What—What is it? What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? What's wrong?" Jayne exclaimed. "You were thrashing around, that's what's wrong. Nearly knocked me from here to Londinium. Shoutin' my name too - like I wasn't right beside you with extremely sensitive eardrums." He sat back and rubbed his ear with a wince.

River's head felt heavy, liked she been doped. "Bad dream…"

Jayne arched an eyebrow sarcastically. "Oh ya don't say."

River pulled her arms up over her head, trying to block out the sound of that gunshot, but it wouldn't go away, because it was inside her own mind. Again and again she heard it, but she could do nothing to stop. Who was shooting? Who was getting shot?

Jayne's irate expression softened just a little as he watched her try to burrow her way into the bed. He tilted his head questioningly and pulled at her arm in his usual abrupt fashion. It seemed affectionate to him at least. River tried to shake him off, but Jayne was stubborn like that and wouldn't let go.

"What's wrong?" he demanded.

His large hand splayed across her back and shook her, trying to get her to look at him.

"Bad day. It's going to be a bad day," River said into the pillow.

Jayne exhaled loudly and cast his eyes upward. "Another one, huh? Well, you'll deal, y'always do."

"I'm glad you think so," she said distantly.

"Go back to sleep. It's still early," Jayne yawned.

River shook her head and lithely slipped out of the bed over him. "Can't."

Jayne sleepily held out a hand after her, just brushing the back of her bare leg as she walked away. "Hey. What's this? Goin' walkabout again?"

River pulled on a cardigan over her skimpy nightdress. "No more sleep for me. No more. Time for waking hours. Rise and shine. Shine like the sun. I'll be all right. Always all right. Close your eyes now."

Jayne raised his eyebrows at her disjointed, utterly nonsensical talk. "This really _**is**_ gonna be a bad day," he commented acerbically.

River turned and left the room, her face mournful. "One of many."

River wandered the ship in a thick daze, almost like she was sleepwalking, but she was quite awake. Quite awake and quite troubled. She heard someone pottering about in the kitchen and she went in. There was Zoë, looking suitably disgruntled, making warm milk for Hobie. He was draped over her shoulder, tears on his face. He looked like he'd just calmed down from a nice fit of temper.

"He's having a bad day too?" River asked.

Zoë raised an eyebrow and walked around the counter. "Surely is. Woke up in all of a tizzy. Probably had a nightmare."

"I can relate."

Zoë sat down at the table and with a yawn, started to give Hobie his bottle.

River stared with glazed eyes. "It's hard, isn't it? Doing this all the time. When you do the job, you've got Mal and Jayne backing you up. But when you come home, you have to do another job, no one to back you up."

Zoë remained stoic. "I've been to war. I've had tough times. But this is the hardest thing I've had to do yet."

River stared at Hobie. "I don't think I can do it. I know so many things. But I don't know this."

"No one does. There ain't no guide book. Every baby's different. You just gotta learn about your child, learn their ways. And I had help. I had Mal and Kaylee and Inara all stealin' this boy from me when it took their fancy." Zoë smiled.

"But you'd rather it was Wash helping you."

Zoë paused and then nodded. "I'd rather it was Wash."

**-O-**

Zoë stood in the doorway of the bridge, her arms crossed and a confounded look on her face. She stared at Serenity's pilot as he brought them into atmo. He glanced around and saw her standing there, and his whole countenance changed. His back got straighter, the muscles in his arms tensed, his chin tilted up higher.

He looked around again and smirked at her. "Well hello there," he exclaimed. "Nice day for it, huh?"

"You should probably just keep your eyes on the planet coming up on you," she intoned sharply.

She didn't know why, but Hoban Washburne was one of the most annoying people she'd ever met. If he made another attempt at a charming smile again, she was going to break his nose with the butt of her rifle. Every time she was in his presence she felt uncomfortable and jittery, and Zoë Alleyne was _**not**_ a person prone to uncomfortable jitters.

Wash leaned back, just one hand on the controls. With his free hand he was stroking his moustache and looking Zoë up and down. She fought the urge to shudder. "I could do this with my eyes closed. I was top of my class in flight school. Ever heard of a Crazy Ivan? I patented that manoeuvre. Named it after my Dad. His name was Ivan."

Zoë merely arched an eyebrow. "Never would have guessed."

"Yup. There's not a pilot for a dozen planets that can fly like me."

"Modest fellow, aren't you?" Zoë said sarcastically.

Wash just smiled and cocked one eyebrow self-importantly. He seemed not to have heard what she'd said. "Might even go so far as to call me a genius. A genius of the air. A lord of the clouds. A master of the sky."

Zoë smiled endearingly. "Well Your Highness, you better hang onto your butt 'cause you're about to hit that mountain there."

Wash just nodded and smirked, then he froze, blinked, and did a double take. Serenity was indeed bearing down on the huge peak of a mountain. He gripped the controls with both hands and pulled up with all of his might. The ship's underbelly just barely glanced off of the rock, and a jarring shake went through Serenity as it gained a few new scrapes and dents.

Wash grinned nervously, frowning at the same time. It was a bit of a paradoxical expression, but Wash was a highly paradoxical man, and Zoë was as perplexed as hell by him.

When they'd eventually landed on solid ground, Wash sat back in his chair and spun it around. "Something you want to say Zoë?" he asked suavely, obviously expecting praise for his quick save.

Zoë made a face. "You bother me."

"I'm sorry? My ears get blocked sometimes. It's these high altitudes. Did you say I bother you?"

"That's exactly what I said."

Wash's debonair expression faltered a little, before returning full force – along with his moustache stroking. "May I ask why?"

Zoë shrugged. "You just bother me. I had to say it. I'm sorry."

Wash shook his head. "No, no, best to be honest. If ya keep things bottled up like that, y'know, it's bad for your digestion. Your circulation. Your brain patterns. I knew a guy, got so fussed over our flight exams, he spontaneously combusted!" he exclaimed. "Well, that's not entirely true. He actually blew himself up when he was working on his ship's busted core containment." He paused for a moment, biting his lip. "Kind of a sad story really. What was his name? Oh, that's gonna annoy me all day."

He looked up, only to find he was talking to himself. Zoë was nowhere to be seen. He sighed melancholically. Yep, she was terse, that woman. Definitely not the wordy sort – which he _**was**_. That could be troublesome.

He stroke his moustache and pondered on it some more.

For several months, he and Zoë had nothing more than a working relationship. She just didn't warm to him, and he was totally baffled as to what this mysterious quality of his was that bothered her so much. He tried to be terse, like her, but it just wasn't in him. He ended up babbling himself into a shameful mess and ruining everything. She'd just saunter on out of the room with those legs of hers… and that back… and those hips, swaying as she went. Taunting him.

The first time Wash went along to a bar with Mal, Zoë and Kaylee, was also the first time he saw Zoë punch a man's lights out. And that was it. He knew there and then that he had fallen for her.

He was head over heels in love with this Amazon beauty. He was in love with her fiery glare and her bee-stung lips, with the fact that she had more muscles than he'd ever have, with her two states of being: calm and really calm, and with those shapely hips of hers that he wanted nothing more than to grab in a manly fashion.

But Zoë? She wasn't impressed with what she saw. He was an over-confident fly boy. He had way too many nauseatingly colourful shirts. He talked so much her ears were tired after five minutes in a room with him. He was a grown man and yet he whiled away hours among his plastic dinosaurs, constructing elaborate plots and character development for them. And that goddamn moustache. She wanted to rip it from his face, stamp on it, shoot it, slice it into tiny pieces, and even then, she'd need to burn it just to make sure it was completely dead.

And yet for all that, there was _**something**_ about him that intrigued her. He still bothered the hell out of her… but he wasn't a lost cause entirely…

"This'll run like a dream once we get this carbon catalyser in," Kaylee said excitedly to Wash, one day down in the engine room.

They were working on Serenity together, as they were wont to do when Zoë and Mal disappeared off on a job. Kaylee lay flat on her back and slid under Serenity's engine. Wash knelt by her and handed her the parts as she needed them.

He snorted. "Yeah, no more of that scary stalling when I'm trying to bring us down. It's really not good for my heart to worry if I'm gonna fry everyone when I break atmo."

"Ah Serenity usually comes through in the end," Kaylee replied. "Just gotta work with her."

"Hey, Kaylee? Do you think I'm a nice guy?" Wash asked suddenly, sitting down and leaning back against the engine cover.

"Of course I do! I think you're one of the sweetest fellas I ever met!" Kaylee enthused. "Y'know, you got the feel of my daddy about you. He's got such a way with machines, just like you got a way with Serenity."

"It's always lovely to hear a girl telling me I remind her of her father," Wash remarked, disillusioned.

"Oh, don't take it that way!" Kaylee slid out, covered in oil. She smiled and rubbed his shoulder, leaving a black handprint on him.

Wash frowned. "It's just, I wanna be dashing, y'know? Like Mal. Look at him, he just waltzes into a den full of thieves, shoots 'em all, and waltzes back out with all of their riches – and he always has a smart parting word. That's dashing. That's the epitome of dashing."

"Well sure hon, but you got a different kind of dashing in you," Kaylee replied brightly.

Wash huffed. "Yeah, only if my kind of dashing involves me dashing _**away**_ from the den of thieves."

Kaylee pursed her lips and scooched closer to him. "Is this about what I think it's about? Are you still sweet on Zoë?"

Wash's eyes jumped. "Still? As in, you had previous knowledge of this? As in… oh my frilly God, everyone knows, don't they?"

Kaylee patted his knee wistfully. "Everyone knows."

Wash shot up and began pacing, running his hands through his hair. "Everyone being Zoë. Zoë knows. This is like a nightmare, only without the fun waking up part!"

"Aw Wash. It ain't so bad. Zoë likes you!"

Wash stopped and glared at her. "By 'likes' you mean 'tolerates', don't you?"

"Pretty much," Kaylee answered, without missing a beat. "But look, I'm sure I can help you. With one thing at least."

Wash just looked at her questioningly.

Later, Zoë and Mal arrived back from the job. Patience had shot him and he was limping, his foot gushing with blood. Zoë was helping him across the cargo hold when Wash and Kaylee entered to meet them. When Zoë saw Wash, she released Mal in shock and he lost his balance and keeled over on the floor. Kaylee rushed to him, but Zoë just continued to stare at Wash.

"I knew it!" Wash enthused. "Only I didn't know it – but now I do! It was the moustache! That's what bothered you!" He ran a hand over his cleanly shaven face, now totally devoid of any disturbing moustaches.

Zoë just gaped.

"Hello!" Mal screamed, his voice ragged. "My foot's gonna have to be amputated if you don't get your ass in gear and help me to the infirmary!"

Zoë blinked and came back to herself. She helped Kaylee get Mal up and bring him to the infirmary. As they passed by Wash to get through the doorway, Zoë smiled at him.

"This is the first thing you've done that hasn't made me wanna hit you," she said cheerfully.

Wash stared after her, a dazed grin on his face. "So I done good?"

"You done good!" she called after her.

Over the next few weeks, Zoë became increasingly disturbed by Wash's antics. He was acting like they were betrothed or some such: opening doors for her, pulling out chairs, refilling her drinks. Not that it wasn't really, really fun not to have to lift a finger to do anything, but every time Wash got that look in his eye, she wondered just what she was going to do about him.

One particular night, all four of Serenity's crew were headed out. They'd done a job, gotten good pay, and Mal felt the need to celebrate.

Wash stood on the bridge, fidgeting in his brand new, hideously bright shirt, and smoothing his hair back. Tonight he and Zoë would be out in a social situation. That kind of situation afforded some relaxation, some enjoyment – or so he'd heard. He could broach the subject of her maybe talking to him a little more, making eye contact even. Maybe he'd even get to tell a joke she'd actually laugh at.

Times like these, he'd usually calm himself by stroking his moustache, but of course that was gone. Shaved off in Zoë's honour. Not that she'd paid him much more attention after he'd gotten rid of it, but at least she wasn't so bothered by him anymore. Damn, he missed that moustache. It had taken him the better part of a year to grow it, cultivate it, care for it.

"She better appreciate the sacrifices I've made for her," Wash muttered. He exhaled slowly, and decided to practise what he was going to say to Zoë on Serenity. He held his arms out grandly. "Ahem. Zoë. You have the finest way with weapons I've ever seen. Ugh… you're such a stupid hun dan Washburne. Right, Zoë… Zoë… you are a warrior. Legendary one might say. You may not have been top of your class in flight school and thought up the Crazy Ivan but you certainly— Nope. Okay. Less about me, less about me." He sighed mournfully and collapsed in his chair. "Zoë. I think you're magnificent. You're a goddess among us mere mortals…"

"Thank you."

Wash nearly fell out of his chair. He stumbled to his feet and looked around. Zoë stood there in a slinky, figure-hugging black dress. She'd never forget the mixture of abject terror and utter delight on his face when he saw her standing there. She walked over to him slowly. Despite looking absolutely drop dead gorgeous, it wasn't her body Wash was looking at. No, he was riveted to her eyes – because _**hers**_ were riveted to _**his**_.

Zoë stopped before him and lightly put her hands on his chest. He almost passed out – she'd never touched him before, not once.

"I… uh, I'm… I think I'm hallucinating. Or… or at least having a very good dream," Wash stuttered.

"Wash. If we're going to get to know one another better, you're going to have to learn to do one thing for me," Zoë said in a deep, calm voice.

"Anything," Wash breathed. "I'd do anything for you."

"Good. Now I want you to _**shut up**_."

He saluted. "Right you are. Done. It's done. Shutting up now."

Zoë just smiled. Her fingers snaked down his arm and she took his hand. "Let's go then."

That night, she, Wash, Mal and Kaylee caroused about Persephone, enjoying having such friends, freedom and fun about them. They found a lively restaurant and bar called Red's to set up camp in for the night. Mal was cheerily swinging Kaylee around on the dance floor, more than a few cocktails fuelling his merriment, while Zoë and Wash were huddled up in a corner booth. The ice had finally broken between them.

He was as much of an immature, silly, fast-talking ass as she'd thought he was the first day she met him. But she realised now – that's why she liked him. He wasn't some plucky criminal, or a smooth businessman, or a gallant war hero. He was just a fly boy… he was just what she needed.

Mal got a little too merry that night, and drank much too much. He ended up starting a fight with a very large man, when said large man accidentally bumped into him – and apologised for it too. But the drunken Mal obviously misconstrued the man's courteous apology and polite smile for an insult upon him, and he punched him in the eye.

Zoë and Wash were oblivious to the ensuing fight, despite the fact that several glasses – and chairs – were being hurled across the room. Zoë had reached out and put her hand on Wash's face. He placed his hand over hers, thinking how lucky he was that a woman like this was simply looking at him the way Zoë was looking at him.

Mal's shouts, the sounds of bones crunching and furniture breaking, they'd become markers of their relationship, not only their first date. But that night, as Zoë Alleyne slipped into Hoban Wasburne's lap and gave him the most passionate and the most important kiss of his life, nothing else mattered.

However, Zoë was a dedicated second-in-command. When she noticed Mal being throttled over by the pool table, she sighed and extracted herself from Wash's arms. Mal's assailant sniggered when he saw a beautiful woman approaching, wearing in a tight black dress with a slit up the side. He stopped sniggering pretty quickly when one of her high heels became lodged in his crotch.

Wash came up behind Zoë and Kaylee and sighed. "I guess that's one question I had about the Captain answered."

Kaylee looked at him. "What's that?"

"Is he a funny drunk or an angry drunk?"

All three of them looked down on Mal, who was lying on the floor, moaning and clutching his heavily bleeding nose.

"A funny drunk," they said in unison, laughing.

As Zoë and Wash supported Mal between them and helped him stumble back to the ship, Wash glanced at Zoë over the Captain's head.

"I guess the night's over," he lamented. "It was fun while it lasted."

They arrived at Serenity and Zoë opened up the doors, and walked inside. "What do you mean the night's over?" she said with a smirk.

Dumbfounded and more than a little elated, Wash followed her. From that night on, he'd always been following her, right up until the day he died.

**-O-**

River looked in the mirror, smoothing her green dress down over her rounded stomach. It was such a beautiful dress – Inara had made it for her, even embroidering the beading around the neckline herself.

Even though she was somewhat bigger around the middle now, it still fit. She wasn't so big either that one noticed that she was pregnant immediately, which certainly had been a help to her when she went out on jobs. The kind of unscrupulous folk they came up against would immediately target the pregnant girl when caught in a sticky situation.

Following the job the day before, Mal was in a generous mood, and the whole crew were going out for the night. They were on Persephone, and River had an inkling that they were going to end up in that very same place that Zoë and Wash had had their first kiss in – Red's. Hobie had been spirited away to a trusted Companion friend of Inara's for the night, Zoë reluctantly parting with him. She knew she needed a night off, but that didn't make handing him over to someone else's care any easier.

River had certainly had the bad day she'd been expecting. She'd hardly left her room and Jayne had kept his distance, knowing how easy they got into arguments when she was like this. Kaylee had had to cajole her for hours to get her to agree to come out with them. So here she was, donning a pretty dress on her tired body, brushing her tangled hair, putting makeup on her haggard face. All in all, she'd tidied up quite well.

But when Simon walked past and knocked on the door, telling her they were leaving in a few minutes, River felt no compulsion to go. As tidy and pretty as she looked, she didn't feel it. She felt like a hurricane was sweeping through her and all she wanted to do was lay down and let it wreak its' havoc.

But she was River Tam; she'd faced the Alliance, she'd faced Reavers – she wasn't about to let a muddled brainpan defeat her.

As it turned out, Red's was just what she needed. It was lively, cheerful and crowded with all kinds of folk, none of whom gave a damn that she was a genius, or a Reader, or an assassin, or a fugitive. She was simply another girl out with her friends. Anonymity was just _**wonderful**_.

The crew knew plenty of the patrons packing into Red's, so there was so shortage of conversation, or entertainment, or frivolity. Zoë and Mal were engaging in a raucous card game with some trader pals of theirs. Their table was a huge circular one, right in the middle of the restaurant, and Mal was, for once, relishing being the centre of attention without any Feds about to spoil the fun. Red's was a decidedly Fed-free zone.

Displaying absolutely no restraint whatsoever, Simon and Kaylee were all over each other. Their dancing earlier had almost been obscene, though River suspected Kaylee was at fault for that particular public display of indecency more than the ever virtuous Simon.

River had been talking to Inara when Simon broke away from Kaylee's possessive embrace and came over.

"There's a huge dance floor and very loud music, and you, River Tam, haven't danced once. I must protest," Simon said laughingly. He held out a hand. "Care to join your very uncoordinated big brother for a turn around the floor?"

River smiled slowly and accepted his hand, putting her shawl aside. Simon had been right – he _**was**_ very uncoordinated, so River, a trained ballerina with greatest precision her teacher on Osiris had ever seen, had taken the man's place in leading the dance. Simon wasn't bothered though as she pulled him this way and that with effortless grace. Seeing her in such high spirits after her bad day was enough.

Kaylee took River's place beside Inara, and they both watched brother and sister spin about the dance floor.

Kaylee sighed happily. "Ain't he a marvel?"

Inara agreed. "He certainly is. I've never seen two siblings with such a strong bond as theirs. It's beautiful, the way he takes care of her. The way _**she**_ takes care of _**him**_ as well."

Taking a break from his card game, and spotting Inara and Kaylee getting all doe-eyed over Simon, Mal sauntered over. Not to be outdone by the good doctor, Mal brought Inara onto the dance floor. However, much like Simon, his timing was lacking, and Inara ended up leading. Soon enough, River returned Simon to Kaylee, and took herself outside for some air. Jayne had been dealt into Mal and Zoë's card game, so he wouldn't miss her.

Persephone was one of River's favourite planets. It wasn't quite Rim, it wasn't quite Core. It was a delightful anomaly, somewhere in between. It had beautiful buildings, expensive triplexes, rich culture – all stuff of the Core, but it also had a heaving populace of colourful Rim folk. River loved the diversity. She saw none of the Core's grandeur and pomp in Persephone, but all of the Rim's rustic charm.

She went to the sidewalk and took in a deep breath. The scents of alcohol, sugar and seafood filled her up. Smiling, she wrapped her shawl around her tighter against the chill of Persephone's oncoming winter.

It turned out that Red's wasn't called after a man with red hair, like River had thought, but after the large, rare tree that grew right outside, its leaves and blossoms a bright, vibrant red. River found herself standing under it. All of its foliage hadn't been shed yet and as she stood below, leaves and petals kept showering down upon her. She closed her eyes and allowed them to sweep over her, caressing her face and getting caught in her hair.

"Ain't you a sight for sore eyes?"

River flinched and opened her eyes, looking around. A man was leaning in the doorway of Red's watching her.

He was tall, with dark hair that was growing long and had been slicked back. He had gorgeous, perceptive eyes and tan skin. He was probably forty or so, though he hardly showed his age, but for the crow's feet that wrinkled in the corners of his eyes as he smiled. He could've been mistaken for a Core man, if not for the knife scar slicing across his jaw, and the rose thorn tattoo snaking up from his collar and around the back of his neck.

He stepped forward, smiling charmingly. "I saw you inside, dancin' with that wholesome lookin' young man. He your fella?"

River shook her head, an amused look on her face. "He's my brother."

The man ducked his head in embarrassment at the correction. "Well I did see him necking with that pretty little thing in pink, so I guess he couldn't be yours. What kind of man would even dare look at another woman when he's got you?"

His dark eyes raked her over, in an almost predatory way, but he managed to make it seem endearing, sexy. He was bearing down on her now, like a lion that had spotted a deer wandering in the wild. He took her hand and kissed it by way of greeting.

"I'm Willem Barstow."

River merely looked back at him, curious as to what his intentions were. He hadn't let go of her hand yet, his calloused fingers stroking her knuckles.

He tilted his head. "Aren't you gonna tell me your name?"

She smiled enigmatically. "Maybe."

Willem bit his lip. "A woman of mystery."

River took her hand from his and went to sit on the bench under the red tree. He followed, his long black overcoat streaming behind him in the breeze.

"I ain't seen you round Red's before. You ship in from the docks?"

"Why? Did you?"

"You don't give nothin' away, do ya?" Willem intoned, leaning toward her.

River fought back a smile and looked away. Was she flirting? She didn't quite know. She hadn't done it much lately. When she had though, it hadn't been _**this**_ kind of flirting. This felt… dangerous, thrilling. This wasn't only because Willem Barstow was an incredibly magnetic man… but because she wasn't exactly available. She was thoroughly _**un**_available, and she knew she shouldn't be indulging this stranger's charms.

With that thought in mind, she stood up. "It was nice meeting you, but I should get back to my friends."

Willem stood up quickly and grabbed her wrist. "What's the hurry darlin'? Spare a little time for a lonely man." He moved around her, setting his hands on her shoulders from behind. He pulled her hair back, almost reverently. "Oh the fun we could have…" he said in her ear.

"You really ought to be steppin' away from her now… if you wanna kept your family jewels intact, that is."

River looked up to see Jayne glaring at Willem. Willem looked up at him too and Jayne's face changed drastically, first to shock, and then to… what was that? Fear? Willem reacted too, a slow grin coming to his face.

"Jayne Cobb? Ruttin' hell, where you been?" he exclaimed.

Jayne coughed and shuffled. "Damn, Buzz, it's been a long time. A mighty long time."

Willem, or Buzz as Jayne had called him, went to Jayne and they embraced like old comrades. Jayne seemed decidedly uncomfortable but soon played the part of the nostalgic old friend as Buzz started rambling on. It turned out that Buzz and Jayne had run together, partners in crime they'd been, as far back as some nine years ago. They'd parted ways after a successful heist and hadn't seen each other since.

Jayne brought Buzz inside to reluctantly introduce him to the group, explaining their past together to them all. Buzz was welcomed into the fold, and he bought a round of drinks for everyone at Mal's card game. His countenance had changed from that of the person River had met outside. He was now acting as loud and cheerful as those around him, but River didn't think it was his real face he was putting forward.

Jayne was edgy as he watched Buzz joke with Zoë.

River frowned. "You're not happy to see him." It wasn't a question.

Jayne looked down at her distractedly. "Huh? Uh… no, it's just, y'know, it's been a long while. Things have happened since we last… It's fine. I'm fine. Shiny. Yeah."

His features were tense though. She wasn't fooled for a moment.

"Hey, what was goin' down between you two when I came out? Seemed like he was fixin' to charm you."

River smiled mischievously. "We were just… getting acquainted."

Jayne raised a stern eyebrow, but mirth danced in his eyes. "Huh. Well don't you be getting acquainted with no one but me anymore. Got that?"

"I can't promise anything. I'm a fickle, fickle girl…" River teased.

Jayne growled and grabbed her around the waist. "Fickle, huh? I think I can keep you entertained enough so ya won't stray," he murmured in her ear.

His lips met that sensitive patch of skin just behind her ear, where her neck met her skull. The world blurred a little around the edges, and River forgot where she was momentarily. Her hands snaked up his broad back and she laughed unrestrainedly. A bad day had become a good day.

Zoë looked up, catching Jayne and River embracing in the middle of the crowd. She smiled nostalgically. It had been but a few years ago when she and Wash had been here on that first night of their courtship. They'd had their first kiss here, entangled in one another's warmth in the same booth that Simon and Kaylee were now sitting in.

Someone else besides Zoë was watching Jayne and River – Buzz. He carefully noted his old friend's hand low on the girl's hip, her fingers curling into the hair at the back of his neck, the heady air of desire they both had about them. So Jayne Cobb had himself a woman… a girl, at that. Buzz smiled to himself and looked away.

It was the early hours of the morning when the crew of Serenity, plus Buzz, trekked back to the ship.

"It's a kindness you're doin' me, lettin' me hitch a ride, Captain," Buzz spoke up.

Mal was stumbling slightly, but was by no means as drunk as he was that night of Wash and Zoë's first date. He'd made sure he didn't walk away with any broken nose this time around.

He looked blearily at Buzz. "Well, couldn't see a reason to turn ya down! Any friend of Jayne's is… well, not really a friend of mine… But you're welcome aboard 'til we get to Jianying anyhow. You can earn your keep by helpin' us shift cargo and the like. Won't be but a couple days' journey."

"Do you have family on Jianying?" Inara asked, frowning as Mal leaned into her a little.

Buzz nodded. "Yes ma'am. Been livin' on Persephone a while now, but I always had plans to skip on over to Jianying and settle with my kin."

Jayne cast Buzz a dark look but kept his mouth shut. That night, Buzz was settled in a free room, the one above River's in point of fact. Jayne said an abrupt goodnight to River and went to sleep in his own bunk. River didn't mind. She was exhausted from two straight nights with no sleep. She could sense Jayne's discontent though… and she knew it was because of Buzz.

**-O-**

Buzz proved to be a hit with Serenity's family over the next few days. He was as charismatic with the women as he'd been when River met him outside Red's, and he was cheerful and friendly with the men. It was difficult not to take a shine to him, what with his effortless good looks and equally effortless charm. He lent a hand at everything, whether it was loading cargo, cooking meals or taking care of Hobie.

River was torn. A part of her had warmed to him just as the others had, but another part told her that much of it was a façade that hid a very different Willem Barstow.

On his second night on Serenity, Kaylee posed Buzz a question over dinner.

"How come they call ya Buzz?" she asked.

Buzz smirked and sat back. He deftly unbuttoned his shirt, baring his chest. Kaylee's glass slipped from her hand as she stared in shock. Everyone else around the table had much the same reaction, except for Jayne, who knew all about it already. Starting at Buzz's collarbone and reaching down to his navel was a thick, jagged scar, a deep indent in his chest really.

"Holy cow," Mal breathed.

Buzz just grinned. "Had a run in with a buzz saw when I was a young 'un. Never rightly healed. That's where my nickname came from anyhow."

"That's quite an impressive scar Mr. Barstow," Inara laughed.

Buzz smiled at her. "I like to think so."

Mal watched the exchange between them and jumped in quickly. "I got scars too," he said pointlessly. "Remember when I got stabbed defending your honour? I got ran right through with a sword too – that was interesting. And then there was that time when I got tortured, had an ear cut off and _**died!**_"

"There, there Mal. Don't be jealous," Zoë simpered.

Mal feigned offence. "Well credit where credit's due! I've taken a lot on behalf of this crew. Maybe I should let ya'll get all tortured 'n' stabbed 'n' dead yourselves, see how it feels!"

"Not good, I'd wager," Kaylee remarked.

"There ya have – not good," Mal agreed.

The dinner table was filled with more lively conversation, Mal feeling quite the need to impress upon everyone the seriousness of the injuries he'd received, _**and**_ the manly scars he'd gotten on account of them all. Following dinner, the Captain's continuing cheeriness compelled him to suggest a basketball game down in the hold. River was on dish duty, and was still cleaning up when Buzz came in, sweaty and thirsty, looking for a drink.

He brushed behind her as she stood at the counter, moving closer than she thought he needed to. As he gulped down his water, he watched her.

"So you've thrown your lot in with Jayne then, huh? Guess I was wrong-headed to set my cap at you back at Red's. Don't regret it though."

River didn't reply. Buzz moved closer. She could feel his breath on her neck.

"Surprised at how young you are though. Still a teenager. But then again, Jayne always did like 'em young." He laughed; it was a sharp and crude laugh, laced with innuendo. He put his hand on the small of her back and ran it up her spine. "A lot to be had from a girl your age though, a lot."

River just smiled calmly at him. "You'd know all about that, wouldn't you? That girl you bedded on Greenleaf when you were twenty-six? _**She**_ was fourteen."

Buzz blinked at her, his mouth slightly open. He snatched his hand away from her. "I never told Jayne about that."

"I know you didn't."

"Then how'd _**you**_ know about it?" he pressed, his voice silky smooth.

"Sometimes you can just tell things about a person.

Buzz's eyes flared and he pressed against her back, leaning down to her ear. "You know what _**I**_ can tell about _**you**_? That this innocent little girl act ain't the real you. Jayne wouldn't have nothin' to do with ya if that were true. He needs a girl willing to do things most whores wouldn't. I think you're that kinda girl. Underneath the pretty smiles and the big eyes, I bet there's some real darkness in you."

River's face was set in a hard expression. "Oh there's darkness in me. Just not the kind _**you**_ mean."

She turned around abruptly, eager to get away from this man. He made her skin crawl. He was right behind her when she spun around though, and with their bodies pressed together, he realised something. He looked down and smoothed a hand over her abdomen, and found that under the loose layers of the dress was a very rounded stomach.

"You're pregnant." Buzz seemed dazed, shaken, regretful even. "You've gotta be kidding me…" he murmured.

River's entire body repelled against his hand pressed to her stomach. It felt invasive and wrong. She looked him in the eyes and was horrified at what she found there. The real Willem Barstow. Underneath _**his**_ pretty smiles and big eyes, he had some darkness of his own. She wrenched herself away from him and fled the kitchen.

She worried over what she'd seen in Buzz and what to do about it. Eventually, she came to a decision. She just hoped it was the right one.

**-O-**

It was late that night when Jayne went to River's room. She was already asleep, so he just slipped in beside her. He fell in and out of sleep, feeling unsettled, and during one such bout of unsettlement he opened his eyes. He thought he was dreaming at first, but no, it was real. Buzz really _**was**_ sitting in the chair in the corner, a loaded gun in his lap.

"Finally. Thought I was gonna hafta wait until daybreak."

Jayne squinted in the dim light. "What is this Buzz?"

Buzz switched on a lamp and looked at Jayne, his eyes hard. "It's funny how things turn out, ain't it? How people's lives turn about and change in the blink of an eye? My life changed the day we pulled that heist, nine years since. And your life's gonna changed this very night."

"You couldn't wait until tomorrow to get all wistful at me?"

Buzz squared his jaw. "You know what I had nine years ago Jayne? I had a wife and child, waitin' back home for me while I went out 'n' tried to earn our fortune. So we could live, so we could survive. I thought that heist of ours was gonna be my dream come true. Turns out after we went our separate ways though, you got pinched by the Feds."

Jayne exhaled and rolled his eyes. So he knew. Buzz knew what he'd done. "Damn it all to hell – this is a vendetta? A ruttin' vendetta? Why didn't you just shoot me at Red's when you saw me and be done with it?"

"Because this is more poetic," Buzz whispered. "You see, I had three outstanding warrants on me back then – and you had none. So when the law said they'd let you go if you told 'em how to find me… you did it. You sold me out. And while I was rotting in jail for five years, my woman, my child, they were dying of a brain fever halfway across the 'verse. Course, by time I'd gotten out, they were dead and buried. Then I heard tell about you, gallivanting about Persephone, not a care in the world. I find you at Red's, and you're all wrapped up in this girl. And I see you got a weakness now that you didn't have before. And this is where the poetic part comes in – she's pregnant. So now I get to take from you what you took from me."

Jayne's face darkened. "You think I'm gonna let you do that?"

"I think you got no way to stop me. I don't see no weapons about you." He shrugged. "Don't you understand Jayne? This is for the best. You'd have just betrayed her in the end, like you betray everyone. I heard about Stitch. Heard what you did to him. Heard about the sticky end he came to on Higgin's Moon. You just can't keep but one friend, can ya?"

Buzz stood up. "You're gonna die now Jayne. Two bullets. One. Two. And then you're dead. Well. Guess all I really need is one," he sniggered. "I ain't rightly sure what I'll do with the girl. Maybe I'll shoot her, maybe not. Maybe I'll take her for myself, bring that child up as my own. Seein' as how it were your fault mine got taken, maybe I should take yours."

Jayne was standing now as well, glaring at Buzz. "You won't be takin' anythin' from me. You wouldn't know what to do with her even if River were yours. She ain't just a harmless little girl y'know. She could kill you right now if she wanted."

"It won't matter. You'll already be dead."

Buzz aimed the gun at Jayne's head and fired right at the very moment that a quite awake River sat up and pulled a gun from under her pillow, and fired it at him. Both Buzz and Jayne went down, but River didn't waste time bothering with Buzz. She went right to Jayne.

"Jayne? Jayne? No… I had a plan. I knew!" she cried. "I knew… and I planned… and you can't be dead. Because I knew I had to save you." Blood gushed from the wound in Jayne's head and River shook his limp body. "Wake up! Tell me I saved you! Tell me I saved you!"

And then River knew the exact way Zoë felt, she didn't need to imagine anymore. Zoë Washburne had been left to bring up a fatherless child, and now, River Tam feared that so would she.

**-O-**

"Hi. Me again. Can't seem to stay away, can I? I've just got so much to tell you, so much to say. Your baby here is growing more and more, every day. I wish you could be here. See it all happen. A hole in the ground is no place for someone like you. No place at all. Every day, I wish something had gone differently… No point wishing though. No point. I think I'm just going to stop wishing, and start _**doing**_. Here's life, staring me in the face, so I'm just going to live it. I have to…"

River sighed, fighting back tears. Kaylee came up beside her and took her hand, feeling a little teary herself.

Mal was stoic. Seemed he had a way with death now, he'd seen so much of it. He just didn't let it in anymore. Well, he tried not to. Sometimes it clawed through though, leaving a great, gaping hole right over his heart. He surmised that that was what heartbreak was. And it hurt every time.

"How long do you think she'll be?" Kaylee asked softly.

Mal exhaled and shifted his gait slightly. "I conjure she's got a bit to tell him. She can take all the time she wants."

River gazed out over the dusty plane from where she stood with Kaylee and Mal on Serenity's ramp. Zoë was crouched by Wash's grave with Hobie, talking aloud – to herself, to her son, to Wash. To any and all gods that might have been listening in.

"No. She won't need long," River told them. She smiled through her tears. "She knows she's got all the time in the world now, to grieve, to love. None of it ever goes away. I think she's getting that now. Grieving and loving, they go hand in hand."

"How's that for profound?" Mal asked, turning around and smiling. "You missed your calling as a preacher."

River ducked her head, smiling faintly.

"Now you two, I don't want no more weeping," Mal said sternly. "Times is good. Don't hurt to remember what's lost, but times is good all the same. You, Kaylee, set about bein' cheerful-like, and River, start babbling some amusing crazy talk. I don't want Zoë comin' back to a ship like a funeral home. Shiny?"

Kaylee and River both nodded, finding it difficult not to smile. Mal kissed each of them on the forehead, and walked back up the ramp and into the ship.

"How's Jayne been?" Kaylee asked River as they slowly followed Mal back in.

"Complaining a lot."

Kaylee chuckled. "Ain't much of a surprise. Guess he's got the right to complain some. Was a close shave he had. That Buzz was definitely one underhanded piece of go se, duping us like that."

"I think he was duping himself more than us," River said distantly. "Waiting, waiting all that time. Waiting for revenge, waiting for fulfilment. He was just like Zoë, just like what I could have been, sitting by a grave, wondering where his life had gone."

Kaylee smiled brightly. "Only Zoë's better than that."

"She is."

"And luckily, Jayne's a stubborn son of a gun and didn't let no pesky coma keep him down."

River was wry. "Luckily."

Jayne had been shot in a lot of different places, but he'd never been shot in the head. As it turns out, pulling a bullet out of someone's skull wasn't as simple as pulling it out of an arm or a leg, what with all of that delicate brain tissue inconveniently situated there. He'd slipped into a coma for a few very nervous days, and Simon had admitted that he was out of his depth, and that they needed better equipment to assess the damage.

A trip to the nearest planet with adequate medical facilities had found them on Boros. As it happened, they hadn't needed such a hurried dash to the hospital, as Jayne woke up after one night there, and started harassing doctors almost immediately. They had been glad indeed to release him back into Simon's care.

He was on the mend now, up and about, shouting and swearing, the usual Jayne antics. Buzz's bullet had just barely penetrated the side of his skull, on account of River's bullet hitting him first and throwing him off. As for Buzz himself, Simon had patched up the wound in his shoulder and they dumped him out on Jianying. Jayne had wanted to go back and engage in some killing, but everyone had vetoed him in hasty succession.

It wasn't long before Zoë was ready to return to the ship. Everyone had gathered in the hold to greet her, on River and Kaylee's request. They had something up their sleeve.

"Shouldn't you be resting?" Kaylee asked Jayne.

"Everyone's supposed to be here, so I'm here. Been shot before, ain't no big deal."

"Sure, 'cause getting shot in the brain, that's just a walk in the park," Kaylee snarked. "You almost _**died**_."

"She's right," River chimed in. "Don't almost die on me again, okay? Or I'll kill you."

Jayne made a face at her and crossed his arms. "Next time, let me in on your cunning plan. Maybe then I could _**not**_ get almost dead."

"Ah, y'know I find getting almost dead really ingratiates ya with the ladies," Mal spoke up, grinning smartly at Inara. "Makes 'em come over all affectionate and guiltful."

"I think _**I'm**_ coming over all nauseous," Inara shot back.

"The gathering on account of me?" Zoë asked, coming up the ramp hand-in-hand with Hobie.

"Yes, actually, River and Kaylee have some secret surprise for you," Simon said, giving the two girls a confused look.

Kaylee grinned delightedly, like she couldn't wait to get it out in the open. "We don't have much footage of Wash, 'cept a few captures of you and him on your wedding day, and some of us messin' around in the hold here… And we know you want Hobie to know his dad, not just hear about him, but _**know**_ him…"

Mal crossed his arms. "This is goin' somewhere sometime soon I hope?"

"We did something illegal," River said cheerfully.

"We hacked the Cortex mainframe of Wash's old flight school," Kaylee continued. "They record all of their training sessions 'n' it turns out that he was recorded in class, we even got some o' him goofin' off with Mr. Universe. Bein' one of their best pilots, he was on a lot of the training videos too. He even taught for a while himself. So we got it all. Every last second they had of Wash. And it's not just like a capture. It's all big and 3-D."

River grinned and set up the holo-capture on the floor. Moments later, Wash appeared before them, large as life, semi-muscular and all. The group let out varying degrees of surprise and joy, some walking around Wash's image, looking at it from the back, the sides. Inara pressed both hands to her mouth, her eyes filling with tears, while Kaylee looked as happy as could be.

Zoë's reaction was unreadable until Hobie walked up to the hologram and pointed at it, turning back to Zoë proudly as if he'd found it himself. "It's Daddy."

Zoë's face broke into a smile and she scooped Hobie up, tears running down her face. "Yes! Yes, Junior, it's Daddy. That's your daddy, baby. Right there."

River pressed play on the remote and Wash's frozen image sprung to life. Behind him was a huge plane hangar, several ships sitting inside.

"Ahem. Hello. Hi there. I am Hoban Washburne," he announced grandly, his speech and countenance a little stiff. "I am a pilot. You too could be a pilot. Like me. Because that is what I do. I pilot things. Spaceships mostly. The odd unicycle maybe…" He glanced off screen, where it seemed like someone was chastising him and telling him to stick to the point. "Ahem. Moving swiftly on. This is called a hangar. It's where the ships go to get all pretty."

Not looking where he was going, he stumbled over a toolbox and then jumped back up. "Things like that often happen in a place like this. Danger is everywhere. That's what the life of a pilot is like – it's dangerous, it's sexy, it's exciting," he intoned, with a comical raised eyebrow.

Zoë laughed, shaking her head. She was riveted to him.

"Damn fine thing you two did," Mal said to Kaylee and River. "Damn fine thing."

That night, Wash returned to Serenity for the first time in much too long. His voice filled the cargo hold, and filled up his friends with the joy of just _**hearing**_ it once again. Everyone watched all of the recordings right through, and even when they had resumed their work, or gone to bed, Zoë was still there, cradling the sleeping Hobie, and watching them all over again. Watching her husband be his inescapably wonderful self.

An audience with Hoban Washburne. Zoë couldn't think of anything much better.

**-O-**


	6. Jayne

**Part 6  
**_Jayne_

Serenity didn't much like being planet-side, and neither did her captain.

Mal squinted into the blinding sky of North Mountain, on the planet of Athens. It felt like all they did these days was make visits to someone's homestead. This time around it was Jayne's. His mother had sent a series of irate waves demanding that he bring that girl he'd gotten in the family way home to meet them once and for all. Mal and Zoë had been teasing Jayne at just about every free moment about how he'd land planet-side only to have a shotgun wedding greet him.

Mal noted with amusement that Jayne did indeed look a little skittish as he disembarked.

"Where in the hell's River?" Jayne snapped at Simon.

Simon jumped at being turned on so unexpectedly. He backed away under the burn of Jayne's glare. "The terrain here looks a little rocky. She went to put some shoes on!" he exclaimed. "She _**can**_ put shoes on, can't she? It's not against the law?"

Simon gave Mal a questioning look, silently asking why Jayne was so on edge.

Mal merely shrugged laughingly and turned to Jayne. "Nervous about River meetin' the folks Jayne?" he asked with unbridled amusement, slapping him on the shoulder.

"I'm nervous about a preacher meetin' me with at the door with two shiny gold rings," Jayne hissed.

"And pray tell, just what is so wrong with marrying my sister?" Simon asked archly, though his eyes twinkled mischievously.

"We're happy as we is, that's all," Jayne retorted, kicking at the dirt.

Zoë came down Serenity's ramp, Hobie perched on her hip. "Fear of commitment is a terrible thing Jayne," she sighed regretfully.

Inara came down the ramp, dressed casually, for Inara anyway, in a green bustier, black slacks and knee-high boots with pointed heels. She looked at them all admonishingly as Mal came up behind her and wrapped her in a cheerful embrace. "Leave him alone. I think it's sweet that he's bringing River to meet his family."

"Yeah!" Jayne said forcefully. "And besides, I ain't afraid of anythin'."

River came clomping down the ramp in her combat boots. "Except for Reavers. And me. And very large scorpions."

"Scorpions, huh?" Mal raised an eyebrow.

River nodded cheerfully. "When he was six one stung him on the—"

Jayne grabbed her arm and yanked her away. "Thank you for that _**darlin'**_. How's about you stop taking them walkabouts in my head?"

River just smiled up at him as he pushed her along. "You're all testy, like you need to shoot something."

"Ain't you happy to be home?" Kaylee asked.

Jayne fidgeted, shrugging noncommittally. "Just prefer it in the black is all. Less expected of ya," he said enigmatically.

"C'mon people. If we're makin' a house call let's be getting on with it," Mal said, shutting up Serenity. "Sun's baking me up out here."

Kaylee bounded up beside Jayne merrily asking him about his family as he growled back in reply. The skirt of her red dress fluttered around her thighs as she went, and Simon was a few feet behind her, trying in vain not to stare as the breeze whipped the hem of the skirt precariously high.

Zoë walked past him with a smirk. "Put your eyes back in your head Doc," she intoned.

Simon jumped and coughed, straightening his shoulders and averting his eyes – for a few seconds at least.

"Is that your house Jayne?" Kaylee asked, pointing.

Jayne gave her a terse nod and heaved a sigh, leading the way. The sprawling farmhouse appeared before them over the hill, a murky heat shimmer making it waver and sparkle in the distance. So they were about to meet the elusive Cobb family. Mal had begun to think they weren't even real, Jayne talked about them so little. Even at that, he hadn't realised there were so goddamn many of them – two parents and six children, including Jayne.

Jayne's mother Alexa was there at the end of the winding dirt road up to the farmhouse, hands on her hips. She was a small woman with blonde hair pulled back in a long braid. Mal guessed her to be in her mid fifties, but she still had that soft look of youth about her pretty face. Beside her was his father Eli. He was a huge, hulking man with dark, greying hair and he was balancing on a sturdy walking stick. He had a quizzical frown, seemingly permanently etched into his lined and scarred face. Down his arms were several more scars and tattoos as well.

Alexa smiled bracingly at Jayne. "About damn time kid," she exclaimed, embracing him tightly. A few stray tears made their way down her face and when Jayne tried to pull away she yanked him back.

"Geez Ma, no need for hysterics," Jayne said gruffly as they finally pulled apart.

"Son," Eli stated. Apparently, that was to be the entire length and breadth of his greeting.

"Pa." Jayne's was just as brief. Immediately, he turned from his father. "Well, this is the whole crew then."

"A shining introduction. Thank you Jayne," Mal said smoothly. "I'm Captain Malcolm Reynolds. My second-in-command Zoë Washburne. Her son Junior. My mechanic Kaylee Frye. My… uh… Inara. Yeah, Inara Serra. And our doctor, Simon Tam and his sister River."

"Ah, _this_ is River! We finally meet!" Alexa said warmly.

Despite her warm welcome, she was concealing sharp surprise at the sight of Jayne's girlfriend. She looked River over, this little slip of a girl in a yellow dress, standing in the arms of the doctor with the fancy threads on. A part of her couldn't believe that she was to be the mother of Jayne's child. She hardly looked more than a child herself. Alexa couldn't even tell she was pregnant, though apparently she was more than five months gone.

River looked at Alexa, merely smiling in greeting. She didn't attempt any hugs or any further conversation. She supposed she just felt nervous. This is where Jayne had come from, these were the people he'd come from. For so long Jayne had just been… well, _**Jayne**_. Big, loud, violent Jayne. Quiet, tentative, unexpectedly affection Jayne. Now he was Jayne Cobb, son of Eli and Alexa, brother to five siblings. It was just strange, seeing Jayne's roots, seeing his past.

"Jesus H. Christ. Gone and gotten yourself a child bride or somethin' Jayne?" Eli snorted. His eyes raked River over and he dismissed her with a scowl.

Simon bristled, holding his arm tighter around River's shoulders. Jayne shot his father a look that could kill. It seemed that both were united in something for once – indignation on River's behalf.

Mal felt the compulsion to step in then, and he clapped his hands. "All righty. Let's move on up to the house, huh?"

"Good idea," Inara agreed, sensing the tension as he had.

She and Kaylee linked arms cheerfully, while Simon still kept his own arm closely around River. Alexa motioned for Jayne to walk with her. When he idled a few feet from her, she gripped his coat and wrenched him over to her. Meanwhile, Eli tapped his stick on the ground and gestured for Mal to join him.

Eli's eyes crinkled into tiny beads as he smiled. "You're the famous Captain Reynolds! Heard you're a Browncoat."

Mal was wry. "Yes sir. For what that's worth these days, anyhow."

"Very good, very good. And where's this boat of yours boy?"

Mal nodded over his shoulder. "Just out behind us sir."

Eli gazed over the hill at Serenity. He let out a hoarse cackle. "Dear God. That thing looks like it could fall outta the damn sky."

Mal smiled tightly. "I can see where Jayne got his charm from," he muttered, before walking off behind the group.

The Cobb homestead was utterly chaotic, yet inviting. It was a large, ramshackle house, its white wood blinding in the sun. The porch's roof was drooping precariously low and there was a well-used swing bolted under it. A barn lay to the right, some long past their time combines and tractors inside. Chickens were scattered across the front yard, and what there was of grass was overrun with fluffy white rabbits. There were a few ragged horses whinnying and neighing in a fenced paddock to the left as well.

Over by the barn were a series of fresh-tilled fields rolling across the hills, and apple trees in neat rows. Out back behind the house was a thicket of gnarled trees, the Cobbs' very own wood, in which a never-ending passel of fearsome creatures had resided during their childhood, according to their father anyway – perfect canon fodder for some frightening bedtime stories.

Inside, the house smelled like engine oil, earth and fresh baking. The decor was comprised of faded curtains, worn rugs, embroidered cushions and scuffed wood. The place was a cluttered assortment of ancient and brand new furniture, hundreds of ornaments, knick-knacks and photographs. In short, to River, and indeed to Kaylee too, it was charming, rustic, well-lived in. It was a home.

All of the Cobb children still lived there, but for the oldest, Asa, who lived in town with his fiancée, and Jayne obviously. The middle children were twins Casey and Careen, with Matthew and Darcy being the youngest. The crew of Serenity had arrived just in time for supper, and the Cobb children had been putting the finishing touches to the spread in the little-used dining room while Eli and Alexa had been greeting them.

When they saw Jayne, Matthew and Darcy immediately pounced on him. River knew suddenly as she watched them that they were his favourites, and that they too thought of Jayne in especially high regard. He'd gotten off of Athens when they'd been just children of ten and four respectively, so he was this near hero in their eyes, this mysterious missing sibling that they rarely saw but heard much about.

Matthew was as tall as Jayne and Eli, but not nearly as broad and strong. He'd been a premature baby, prone to sickness all his life. Darcy was a small and darkly beautiful girl of nineteen. She was demanding and spoiled, cheery and loving.

Jayne swung Darcy around delightedly, his coveted, protected little sister, the youngest of the entire bunch. River knew Careen wished Jayne treated her like he treated Darcy. She stood in the furthest corner, her blank and sunken eyes gazing at Jayne, waiting for the acknowledgment that would never come.

It was Careen's twin Casey that Jayne greeted next. Casey was the only Cobb man who wasn't towering over six feet. He was a slender, lean and lithe man in his late twenties, with an energetic countenance and a smile-prone face. Jayne gave him a hug that nearly crushed the life out of his diminutive frame, but Casey just laughed good-naturedly.

As the Serenity crew were introduced to the Cobb clan, River took it upon herself to approach Careen, who was idling unnoticed in the corner. Careen looked up as she came over, shaking a curtain of thick black curls out of her face.

"I'm River."

"I'm Careen."

River smiled. "Caroline Maureen. Careen. It's pretty."

Careen smiled. River had the notion that she did that very little. "Thank you."

River scooched closer to her. "I heard you're crazy."

Careen blinked at River's bluntness. "I heard the same about you."

"Well I don't believe everything I hear," River said decisively.

Careen laughed tentatively. "Neither do I."

Jayne looked over and caught the two of them deep in conversation. That wasn't exactly a surprise – the two crazies bonding. But damn it if he hadn't wanted River to stay as far as possible away from Careen. Something about the two of them getting to know one another just made him irksome.

It was supper for fourteen, what with Serenity's crew being there, so another table was dragged in and pushed against the long dining room table. Supper wasn't a quiet affair. Eli's voice was loud and raspy, rising over everyone's as he traded war stories with Mal.

Jayne had been forced into a chair by his mother, who kept smoothing his hair down and examining scuffs on his clothes. Eventually Jayne gave up protesting and just turned to converse with a quietly amused Casey on his other side. At the other end of the room, at the extra table, River, Careen, Kaylee and Darcy made a noisy party of their own, their conversation changing pace and direction every thirty seconds.

In the middle of the meal, the eldest Cobb, Asa, turned up. He was as tall and imperious as the other Cobb men, bar Casey of course. He looked a lot like Jayne, with the same long nose and sharp eyes, but he hadn't Jayne's sly, smirking mouth or the colourful language that went with it. Despite the physical similarities, his personality was the opposite of Jayne's. He was a serious man with a resonant voice, who only spoke when he had something in particular to say.

He took the saved place at the top of the table beside Eli and opposite Mal. Jayne cast the three of them a guarded look when they began talking. The war veterans had all gravitated toward one another. How convenient. He felt that same old bitterness rise in him again, and he looked away.

River sensed the change in Jayne's feelings. She could feel the resentment emanating from him in red hot spikes. Talk of war, talk of the military, talk of the soldier's life, he hated it all. As she watched Jayne thoughtfully, someone was watching _**her**_. Eli had pointed River out to Asa, and he was now staring down the table at her, judging her with the same eyes Eli had so swiftly judged her with earlier.

As evening closed in, the noise and chatter didn't die down, and Mal wondered if it had ever even _**once**_ been quiet in the Cobb house. Alexa was handing out sustenance in the form of pie, while Eli was handing out his own kind of sustenance – whiskey. When Mal tasted the pungent drink, he decided it must have been some kind of engine oil in a past life.

Later, he stumbled out of Eli's den, needing to get away from the smoke and whiskey for a little bit. There weren't many empty rooms to be had in the rest of the house – his crew and the Cobb kids were scattered all over the place. Through the window, he even spotted Simon and Kaylee making out on the porch swing.

He wandered aimlessly, unable to shake that enclosed feeling he always got when he was inside a house. Serenity was his house, his home, but it wasn't bound by walls or floors or earth. It was bound by the black.

Sighing, he looked to the wall behind him which was virtually covered from top to bottom in photos. It seemed the only damn purpose of the wall was so there was somewhere for all the photos to hang.

"All the Cobbs that ever did live, huh?" Mal mused to himself with a little laugh.

He looked over the photographs before him. Some of them were ancient, almost looking like they'd come off of Earth-That-Was, and others were more recent. His eyes fell on one photo, passed it by, and then snapped right back to it. He recognised something. There was a middle-aged man, tall and rough-around-the-edges-handsome – Eli Cobb. He was standing with two young men who were wearing the same thing. The brown military uniform of the Independents.

Mal hastily looked at the title at the bottom of the photo: 'General Eli Cobb of the 33rd Brigade and his sons Asa and Jayne, also of the 33rd'.

Mal's mouth dropped open and he stared uncouthly at the photograph. "_**Jayne**_ was in the _**military**_?" he spluttered, unable to even get that thought straight in his own mind.

"That he was."

Mal wheeled around to see Alexa smiling fondly at the photo. "All four o' my fine boys were part o' the 33rd Independent Brigade at one time."

Now Mal really did feel like he was having himself a hallucination. "Jayne. Jayne Cobb. Jayne Cobb, your son, was an Independent?"

Alexa smiled gently up at Mal. "I'm guessing Jayne ain't never talked of his past much."

"Much? Try _**ever**_?" Mal snorted. "This is a shockin' piece o' truth Mrs. Cobb. I was part o' the 57th myself, so was Zoë. Couldn't stand to see them purple bellies spreadin' 'cross the 'verse. Weren't exactly my best day ever when we lost the war," he mused. "But all Jayne's ever done is give us grief about bein' ex-military, 'n' all along he was one of us."

Alexa raised her eyebrows warningly and tilted her head. "Wouldn't go that far Captain Reynolds. Jayne may have been in the Independent army, but he weren't never a true Independent. He's got an equal dislike for both sides. Don't care much for the Alliance or the Independents either way. Broke his daddy's heart when he left the army and lit on outta here," the woman sighed. "Don't take what he says to you to heart. It ain't really you he's got issue with. Jayne hates the military 'n' all it stands for Captain. You won't _**ever**_ find a Browncoat in him."

Mal merely shrugged his eyebrows and looked back at the photo. Jayne Cobb was the black sheep in a family of military men. Wonders would never cease. Shaking his head, he went into the living room.

He found Inara immediately, her opulent deep green bustier and matching shawl standing out among everyone else's muted clothing. He collapsed beside her on the sofa and she turned away from her conversation with Darcy and River as he dropped his head onto her shoulder.

"Tired?" she asked laughingly.

Mal let out a long stream of breath. "Those men can drink! I mean, I can drink, but they can _**drink**_. Ya know?"

Inara laughed. "I think so."

"Should be headin' back to Serenity for the night soon," Mal murmured. "Your bed's lookin' mighty invitin'."

"_**My**_ bed?"

Mal pouted childishly. "Yeah well, it's got them soft sheets I like. You know how sensitive my skin is. And plus y'know, my bed, it's all messy. Didn't bother makin' it this morning. It's best all round if I just bunk with you."

Inara just arched an amused eyebrow. "Oh?" She took his face in both of her hands and kissed him chastely. "I think I can spare room for you this once."

Mal smiled contentedly, snuggling his face into her perfumed neck. "Well that's good. Thought I'd hafta ask Mrs. Cobb for a room. She's a fearsome woman. You see the way she slapped Jayne for cussin'? Wouldn't wanna cross her, no way, no how. No siree, no."

Inara stroked her hand down his face and neck, smiling wryly as he continued to ramble. Hobie wandered across the room dragging his blanket, looking a bit lost and bereft. Zoë was back in the den with the Cobb boys, so Mal held out a hand to Hobie.

"Wanna sit with us?"

Hobie nodded forlornly.

"C'mere then boy."

Mal bundled the toddler into his arms and then settled back down into Inara's embrace. Inara looked down on the both of them, and smiled to herself.

**-O-**

After Alexa had left Mal looking at the photos in the hall, she contemplated what she'd told him about Jayne.

Little did Mal know, that photo he'd seen showed both of the reasons why Jayne had left Athens – his father and the military.

Eli had been career military. Ex-Independent. Ex-sniper. Ex-mercenary. All of Eli Cobb's sons had joined the Independent army, just like their father had. Asa, his eldest, had remained in the military, becoming a pilot and fighting for the Independents during the Unification War. He'd been one of those shot down during the Battle of Firestrand, though he'd miraculously survived. He still had a bad limp from shrapnel caught in his leg that day.

Matthew had been discharged from the army because of his health. He had loved life in the military, but had always been much too sickly for it. Casey had also remained in the army for a time, but found he wasn't suited to it. He was an intensely clever young man, fascinated by his twin sister Careen's mental illness. They would never have had enough money to send Casey to a proper MedAcad like he deserved, so he studied to be a medic at the humble college three towns away. He didn't learn anything fancy, just the basics, enough to be a local doctor. He'd never be out of work though because there were so few of them around.

But it was Jayne that Eli he'd been most proud of. He had watched Jayne excel in every area during his military training. He'd never seen anyone shoot so fast with such precision, or take a man down with one punch, or learn how to handle hundreds of weapons from hundreds of eras. It had devastated him when Jayne left the army after the minimum amount of service.

He hadn't been able to understand Jayne's plain indifference to the Independent's cause. Jayne had cared nothing for them. Cared nothing for the Alliance. Cared nothing for politics and war. He'd cared nothing for the freedom of the 'verse, so long as _**he**_ was free. And free he was.

He'd been away from Athens for almost fifteen years now. He'd come back for visits of course. Now and again his mother had convinced him to stay on and take a job nearby, but soon enough he lit on out of there all over again, breaking his father's heart all over again as well.

With a sigh Alexa returned to preparing yet more food. It seemed all of her helpers had deserted her, so she was arranging sandwiches and desserts by herself. A long shadow appeared across the floor and she looked behind her to see Jayne in the doorway. It was a foreign sight to her, after all these years. Having Jayne wandering about the house was like turning the clock back fifteen years, when she'd still had lots of little children to look after, and a few less wrinkles to fuss over.

Jayne had that look about him though, like he had something to say. Alexa cast him a cautious glance, wary of trouble brewing. He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms.

"What's this go se I hear about Careen gettin' married?"

Alexa sighed. He was bound to find out. He'd always been simultaneously resentful and protective of Careen, two things which mixed dangerously. "Don't fret now Jayne. He's a nice fine fella what she's engaged to. Got his own store in town. Old Man Jameson's boy, Arthur."

Jayne snorted. "Art? Art Jameson? He's Asa's age. He's way too old for Careen. And besides, that isn't even the point Ma. Careen's ruttin' crazy in case ya'll forgot. How much are you payin' Art to take her off your hands?"

Alexa turned on Jayne, her expression uncompromising and severe. "We ain't seen you in three long years Jayne," she said in a carefully controlled voice. "We been missin' you and then some, so I'm not gonna start no ruckus over this… But if you _**ever**_ talk about my Careen like that again, you won't be welcome back in this house again. You got that boy?"

Jayne lowered his head and muttered something.

Alexa glared at him. "What's that?" she said sharply.

Jayne looked at her with that same attitude he'd had since he was a teenager. "Yes ma'am," he stated with difficulty.

"Good." Alexa broke eye contact with him when she saw someone entering. "Well there you are River. Have you tried my apple and pear pie yet? You look like you could use some meat on your bones."

River was about to say something when Jayne grabbed her arm.

"Jayne, where are you draggin' the poor child off to? Me and her ain't gotten to have a little heart-to-heart yet!" Alexa protested.

"Good," was Jayne's short reply as he pulled River out the back door.

Alexa rolled her eyes and pursed her lips resignedly. Well that was Jayne for you. It was Eli he'd gotten this surliness from. Asa had the same kind of dark silence about him, only it was just in his nature, and not because he was perpetually angry, like Jayne seemed to be.

How was she ever supposed to get to know this girl if Jayne kept spiriting her away? She had six children and not one of them was yet married, or had kids. If someone had told her Jayne would be the one to give her her first grandchild she would have laughed in their face. Jayne was the very last of her children that came to mind when she'd thought about them having kids of their own. She'd seen him run from any woman he might have married, and then he'd run to the black, and God only knows what kind of dalliances he'd had up there.

Alexa had no idea what the attraction between Jayne and this teenaged girl was, but she wanted to find out. River Tam was one of the strangest little things she'd ever met, stranger than Careen even. And given Jayne's attitude toward _**her**_, Alexa couldn't quite fathom what he'd see in a girl just _**like**_ her.

Maybe she didn't need Jayne's reasons for being with River to be explained to her though. As Alexa caught sight of them through the window, everything seemed as clear as day.

Jayne was leaning against a porch pole, River standing between his legs. In the warm summer twilight, River's yellow dress was illuminated, the material tight over her rounded stomach, which was now clearly outlined in profile. She said something to Jayne and Jayne chuckled, reaching out to cup her cheek. River ducked her head and tilted forward into his embrace, Jayne's arms swallowing her up.

Alexa raised her eyebrows. There it was. The answer to her question. It was just plain old love. Nothing any more complicated than that. With a laugh, she turned away and resumed her work.

**-O-**

It was an hour or so later, after she'd gone about the house handing out the food she'd prepared, that Alexa looked out the kitchen window to see if Jayne and River were still on the porch. She saw that Jayne was staring out into the backyard where River and Careen were swaying back and forth on a swing, each with a little bunny cradled in their arms.

Alexa went out, coming to stand by Jayne. He looked around at her, an ill-tempered expression on his face.

"Not lookin' for no argument son. Hardly seen you in three years, so I'm gonna forget about what you said earlier," she said "Come 'n' have a chat with me. C'mon."

Jayne, despite his misgivings over what this chat might entail, followed her over to the porch swing. Both watched River and Careen in rapt silence for a while.

"She's young," Alexa commented evenly.

Jayne didn't disagree, he merely shrugged. "But she's smarter than anyone I ever met."

Alexa pursed her lips. "Smart maybe, but still just a girl."

Jayne snapped his head in her direction, that impatient, irritated look he'd gotten from his father etched on his face. "You gonna be happy for me or not?"

His mother laughed. "Sure. I'll be happy for you. Long as I know you're not kiddin' yourself. Or her. You're in it deep Jayne. She's carryin' your child. You can't just up 'n' leave her like you left us."

There was an uncomfortable silence then, and Jayne shuffled away from his mother somewhat, wary of the past being dragged up. "Wouldn't do that."

"You sure about that son?"

Jayne wheeled around on hearing his father's stern voice on the porch. His father limped across, his walking stick pounding on the wooden floor.

"Eli…" his mother said in a warning tone.

Eli shot her an innocent look that she didn't believe for one second. "Lexa, how's about you give me 'n' my son some time to reminisce?"

Alexa stood between them, giving each of them admonishing looks. She knew what they were like when left together. She'd spent too many years refereeing shouting matches between them to forget. "Long as that's _**all**_ you'll be doin'," she said sternly.

Eli watched his wife go to the door, the merriment and laughter inside escaping for a moment before she shut it behind her again. Jayne turned away from his father, staring obstinately out across the yard, where Careen and River were now giggling and chasing the rabbits as they hopped away across the lawn. Eli kept his distance, going to sit on the porch swing, merely watching his son's tense back from where he was.

"Ain't ya gonna say nothin' Jayne? Nothin' for your ol' pa after all this time?"

Jayne scowled obstinately. "It's not like you haven't seen me for twenty years or somethin'. I've hardly been gone but a few seasons. I've been back to visit plenty."

"That you have, that you have," Eli nodded, stamping his walking stick on the floor. "But you ain't never been here with this crew. Mighty interestin' bunch. 'Specially that Mal. War vet, ain't he? I could tell a mile off he was a Browncoat."

Jayne blinked repeatedly, a sarcastic look coming to his face. "Maybe that's on account of him _**wearin'**_ a brown coat."

Eli pointed his walking stick at Jayne. "Don't get smart-mouthed with me kid. I was just makin' a observation."

Jayne turned around, glaring at his father. "I _**know**_ what you were doin'! Tryin' to make me feel guilty and all apologetic for not bein' the big damn war hero you wanted me to be. You've spent more time with Mal since I been back that you have with me. I guess you wish I was more like him, dashing off to fight the good fight like a proper little soldier."

Eli raised his eyebrows and scratched his stubbly chin. "I guess if that's how ya wanna see it…"

Jayne's narrowed his eyes. "That's how it _**is**_, not how I _**see**_ it," he snapped.

"It could've been a great life for you Jayne," Eli remarked.

Jayne shook his head incredulously. His eyes wandered over to River. She was picking daisies. A smile flickered across his face. Then he remembered his father, sitting there, glaring at him, and he sobered up. He turned to him. "I _**got**_ a life," he stated, nodding to River. "But you just don't see that, 'cause it's _**off**_ this rock."

"And what exactly _**is**_ that life?" Eli asked pointedly.

Jayne rolled his eyes. "I _**work**_ Pa. May not be leadin' a damn brigade of soldiers like you'd have me doin'…"

"No. Instead of killing people for a cause, for a belief, for freedom… you kill them for _**money**_," Eli simpered, coughing gruffly.

Jayne nearly flinched at his dad's acidic tone, but refused to give him the satisfaction. He simply shrugged nonchalantly. "That's how it is. Life of a mercenary. But then you'd know that, wouldn't you? Bein' as you were one your own ruttin' self," he said in a dangerously low tone.

The muscles in Eli's tightly clenched jaw twitched. "Long time ago."

Jayne crossed his arms. "For you maybe, but it's what I do in the here and now, and I'm damn good at it. I've pulled heists with this crew you wouldn't even believe. Done jobs all 'cross the Rim, in the Core too. Gotten outta some mighty tight spots. And I've _**never**_ regretted a second of it."

"How proud you must be," Eli sneered. "I know I am. Oh yeah, I'm _**real**_ proud of my outlaw son! Wanted by the gorram Feds on a dozen planets!"

"Ain't wanted no more."

"It don't take back what you done Jayne!"

Jayne shrugged. "Times are tough. I got a job to do and that job is on Serenity. I can't help if it ain't always honest work, and I can't help it if it takes me away from home!" he spat, his voice rising.

Eli made a face and snorted. "There was always _**somethin'**_ to take you away from home even 'fore you got on that boat."

"Itchy feet I guess," Jayne muttered.

"Ain't that the truth," Eli returned.

Jayne signed heavily and shook his head. This was a no win situation. He was known for his stubborn nature, but this man right here is where he'd gotten it all from. It was like fighting with himself.

The edgy silence was broken by Eli's softened, quieter tone. "Was watchin' that new woman o' yours. Mighty odd little thing, ain't she?" he said, pointing with his stick at River out in the garden.

"No odder than anyone else," Jayne said defensively.

"How'd you meet her? Man like you don't just stumble across a child like that out on the Rim. Her brother's a _**trauma surgeon**_, Jayne. I ain't even sure what that rightly means. Both of 'em talk like they's readin' from a encyclopaedia. And _**she**_ talks like she knows everythin' 'bout everythin' besides that."

"She does. She's a Reader."

Eli guffawed with laughter. "She's a _**what**_? Ai ya, there ain't no such thing as Readers boy. They's about as much of a lie as _**Reavers**_ are."

"Reavers _**and**_ Readers exist," Jayne said stubbornly. "River's smarts most ain't even heard of. Regular school was too easy for her so she got sent off to some Alliance place. 'Cause she was genius and a Reader to boot, they did stuff to her. Cut her head open, changed things, trained her to their likin'."

"Why would a school do that to a child, even one that's as smart as you say she is?"

"'Cause they were makin' an assassin! All of us have seen what she can do. Ain't no one I know that's faced two hundred Reavers alone and lived to tell the tale. No one 'cept her."

"Ruttin' hell Jayne! First it's talk of your genius, psychic woman, then it's Alliance schools makin' child assassins 'n' now it's Reavers? Just what _**have**_ you been doin' out there son? What have you gotten mixed up in? What has _**this**_ _**girl**_ gotten you mixed up in?

Jayne made a face. His eyes were fierce. His father hated that look of his. There was no mercy in it, no affection. He didn't know how or when Jayne had gotten so hard-hearted, but it was it was mighty awful thing to behold in a son.

"This ends now. I ain't talkin' about her to you no more. And I don't wanna hear you nor none o' the damn family takin' her down. You say one word against her 'n' I'm outta here for good. You won't see me nor your grandchild for dust," he spat.

With that, Jayne stomped inside. His mother, who'd been at the window listening, sighed heavily as the argument came to an end. She knew they'd end up battling it out. They always did. Jayne was just going to fly off-planet again, and barely speak to them for another three years. It took him that long to cool down, and it took Eli that long to acknowledge Jayne's existence again.

It was always the same with them…

**-O-**

"Why you gotta be so stubborn Jayne?" Eli raged.

"I am what I am. Can't help that you don't like it," Jayne shouted back.

Jayne was twenty-three years old, and he'd just finished his service in the military. He'd hung up his brown coat for good – he'd rather he'd burned it in a fiery blaze though. He was out of the military for good, and he wasn't looking back for a second. His father was devastated and furious, and he wasn't afraid to make it known.

Asa sat in the corner, his hands laced before him contemplatively. He'd just completed his first tour of three war-torn planets on the far reaches of the Outer Rim, and gotten a medal of bravery for his troubles. He was the marker that Eli kept comparing Jayne to. Both Asa and Jayne were tired of it. Asa didn't want his younger brother to hate him because of their father.

"Dad. I think you should leave it be. Jayne's made his decision," Asa said in his quiet, deep voice.

"He ain't made _**no**_ decision!" Eli spat.

"You're dreamin', old man," Jayne said viciously. "I ain't goin' back to the military. Maybe _**you**_ want death 'n' glory on some battlefield, but _**I**_ don't. I want a damn life. And I'm not gonna get it with you lookin' over my shoulder all the time! You just steer clear o' me from now on, you got it? 'Cause I don't wanna hear none of what you gotta say!"

He stormed out of the room, slamming the door so hard it fell off the hinges again. Asa sighed, and rolled his eyes. His mom wasn't going to be happy.

"The more you try 'n' control him, the further he moves away," Asa said softly, getting up to go and fetch some tools to fix the door.

"Yeah well, good riddance then," Eli blustered. "Glad to see the back o' that no good waster."

"You don't mean that," Matthew said softly, appearing in the doorway looking sickly as ever.

"I mean every word boy," Eli snapped.

Outside, Jayne stalked across the yard, kicking squawking chickens out of his way as he went. Careen sat on top of the fence, looking at him with those huge, empty eyes of hers. Her face was pale in the sunlight, her skin almost translucent. The girl had never looked healthy a day in her life. She hopped off the fence and silently followed him as he walked away.

Jayne held up a warning hand. "Don't even start Careen. Don't wanna hear none of your moon brain talk!"

Careen frowned mournfully. "But I saw a prairie demon!" she insisted. "It tried to chase me. They want your eyelashes, y'know. They try 'n' pull 'em all out in your sleep! They won't get mine though. I'll stay awake forever if I have to!"

"Shut your crazy little mouth!" Jayne exclaimed, hopping into a battered old land racer.

"Where are you going? It'll be dark soon. I don't want the prairie demons to get you!" Careen hollered.

"Just go 'n' take your meds Careen!" he growled.

He sped off down the road, leaving her standing in a cloud of dust. He drove to town, cutting through the streets, and hardly stopping even when he almost battered a herd of cattle Ezra Vincent was moving across the road. Arriving at a violent stop outside a house on the other side of town, he pressed his hand down on the horn, and didn't let up.

A woman came to the door of the house with an irritated look on her face. When she saw Jayne, she narrowed her eyes and stalked back inside. It was Marla-Ann Mason, the mother of his… well, he supposed she was his girlfriend, but Jayne didn't like to put such names on things. He didn't like constraints, or titles, or protocol. That was probably why Mrs. Mason despised him so very much.

"You comin' or not Delilah?! I'm leavin' in ten ruttin' seconds!" he yelled.

At that moment, Delilah came spilling out of the house with an eager smile on her face and her red hair flying behind her. She hopped into the land racer beside him and Jayne bolted off into the sunset without saying a word to her. When they arrived at Blue Canyon, Jayne jumped out of the racer and headed straight for the edge of the bluff.

"You're angry," Delilah commented.

"How could you tell?" he replied sarcastically.

"You 'n' your daddy have a tussle again?"

Jayne picked up some rocks and tossed them out into the canyon. "It's gone on long enough Lilah. I can't stay here no more. My father's drivin' me crazy. This place just ain't big enough for the both of us."

Delilah's face crumpled. "Don't you talk like that! What would I do with myself if you were to run off to some other planet?"

Jayne stared at the horizon, his expression set as hard as the planes of the mountainside. Delilah sighed and wrapped her arms around him from behind, resting her face against his broad back. She hated when he got like this. She'd known Jayne since she'd moved there and started high school a few years below him. He'd always kept everything bottled up until it came out in one big explosion of rage.

It wasn't until the sun had set and the world was dark that he finally calmed down. They lay out under the stars. Delilah rested against his chest, listening to his heart beat erratically. Jayne hardly paid attention to the shapely redhead pressed against him. Any other night, and they would have thrown caution to the wind – along with their clothes. He was much too preoccupied for such things just then though.

"Jayne are you really sure you're gonna leave Athens?" she asked tentatively.

"As sure as the day is long. The next time a cargo ship stops here lookin' for crew, I'm on it. I'm outta atmo," he said stubbornly.

Delilah looked away. "So you're just gonna up and leave me, that it?"

"I gotta do what I gotta do," was all he said.

"I thought we had something…" Delilah fought back tears. She knew he hated it when she cried, he never did or said the right thing to make her feel better, and just ended up blaming her for getting upset. "Everyone told me you'd never settle, that you were too wild. I never did believe 'em. Thought they was all wrong-headed 'bout you. Turns out they were right though."

Jayne sighed and pulled her closer to him in a half-hearted effort to comfort her, all the while still staring unwaveringly at the black sky. "Don't start actin' like everyone else Delilah. I just weren't made to stay put! I ain't gonna be a military man, I ain't gonna be a Fed, I ain't gonna be a farmer. I don't know what I'm gonna be, but I know it won't be here on Athens. There ain't nothin' on this rock but dust and critters, babe. You should get yourself outta here too."

Delilah didn't care what he said anymore. She'd hung onto him for so long, even as he'd pulled away from her, always distracted by something else. Something better. Something _**away**_. Nothing could still the wild grief raging inside her. She knew now that Jayne didn't love her. Had he ever?

"Y'know… I had my heart set on marryin' you Jayne Cobb," she said softly. "Guess it weren't never gonna be."

That shook Jayne from his reverie and he looked down on her head, her fiery hair only dulled now by the darkness. She had been wrong in thinking he didn't love her. He did, though he'd never actually realised it himself. He'd been with her for so long now, more than two years; she'd almost become a part of him. But this was something Delilah couldn't be a part of and they both knew it. Jayne's need to escape and to finally be himself overpowered his feelings for her.

"Marry me? You gotta be kiddin' Delilah. I ain't the marryin' type. And you don't wanna marry me anyhow. What am I gonna give ya? Huh?" He snorted, shaking his head at the sky. "Nah. Go find yourself some fancy landowner. Some good 'n' holy preacher. An upstanding member of the community. I ain't ever gonna be nothin' like that. Don't wanna be neither."

Delilah shook her head, sitting up. His arms felt empty without her. "Then what _**do**_ you want Jayne?" she demanded angrily.

Jayne looked away from up and up at the sky. "I want the black."

For the next couple of months, that's all he could think about. The black. Space. All the planets he'd heard about but never seen. This world was stifling him. He wanted out.

He and Delilah finally drifted apart for good. It was for the best. He wasn't one for tearful goodbyes. He let her slip away from him, hating it, but knowing that's what had to happen.

He hung around the docks most days, watching the cargo ships come and go, combing the notice holoboards for job openings. And then he found one. An Azura Bolt, Mark IV, Dock 9, looking to fill an unspecified crew vacancy.

Jayne immediately went to Dock 9, and found the huge Azura Bolt, named The Merry Maiden. An Asian man named Carson Rye captained the ship, and when Jayne asked what job he would need him to do, Captain Rye's answer was simple.

"I need you to shoot people while I steal their money," he said, deadpan.

Jayne raised his eyebrows and then grinned slowly. "I can do that."

So the deal was done. The Merry Maiden would depart Athens in a week, and Jayne would be on it. He was home that day by sunset. When he told his family that he'd gotten a job and was leaving, there was uproar at the dinner table. Most of them were protesting because they would miss him, but his father's shouts rose over the din, angrily condemning him.

"Shut your mouth Eli!" Alexa exclaimed. "Jayne's leavin' us for who knows how long, and I won't have you sayin' such awful things to him."

"Ain't nothin' he don't deserve," Eli said bitterly.

Eli left the dinner table and spent the evening brooding upstairs. Meanwhile, all of the kids were running on sugar and excitement, rallying around Jayne, asking him where he was going, when he'd be back, telling him they'd better bring them back presents.

It was eight o' clock that evening when Jayne sat on the back porch with Matthew. Darcy was on the floor, clinging to his leg, saying she wasn't going to let go so he'd have to bring her with him. Mattie was sick again, so he was bundled up in a thick blanket, coughing sharply. By rights, he shouldn't have been up out of bed, but he was fiercely attached to Jayne, and he was so upset over his leaving that it made Jayne want to stay just on account of the mournful look on his face.

"Anyone see where Careen ran off to?" Casey asked worriedly, coming out onto the porch.

"She's probably hidin' under the crawl space again," Jayne snorted. "She says there's demons out in the bush."

"Don't mock her Jayne," Casey said sharply. He was protective of Careen, she was his twin, and he hated people making fun of her eccentricities. If she didn't have them, she probably wouldn't be able to cope, so he was glad she had her own way of doing things.

"Boys, take your sister in."

They looked up and saw Eli standing there. Mattie got up with a wheeze, casting a worried look back at Jayne as he went in. Casey took Darcy up in his arms and followed his little brother inside. Jayne rolled his eyes in the darkness, bracing himself for a shouting match.

"So you're really goin'. You're really leavin' us."

"I really am."

"What did we do to ya Jayne? You hate us so much you gotta go half way across the 'verse to get away?"

Jayne growled. "It ain't about anyone else. It's about me! I went into the military like you wanted me to, I did it! Now I done my time, I'm goin' off to do somethin' _**I**_ wanna do."

Eli huffed and crossed his arms. "You know war's brewin', right? The Alliance don't like us folk so far away out here on the Rim, not havin' no control over us. They gonna take measures to tame us, to keep us down. It's comin'. Don't you wanna be here? Don't wanna fight for your people?"

"You're always talkin' about a war comin' Dad! Ain't no war, none except the one you been imagining fighting in your head your whole life," Jayne said derisively.

"So ya wouldn't even support us? Help us fight our cause?"

"Independents… Alliance… it's all the same. It's just one jailer or t'other, in the end." Jayne shrugged.

Eli pressed his lips together, beyond frustrated and tired with Jayne. "You go off out there, and you won't never come back Jayne. That's what happens. You just get caught up in the vagabond life. You got family here, what about us? And how are you ever supposed to have a family of your own, if you's always on the move?"

"I guess I won't have a family then," Jayne stated indifferently.

Just then, they heard far away howls and barks. Nearer, there was rustling in the bushes. Frowning, Jayne stood up. Careen emerged from the trees, a panicked look on her face.

"I told you! Prairie demons is comin'!"

"Prairie demons?" Eli exclaimed. "Daughter, what are you talkin' about?"

"Listen," Jayne said sharply. The howls and barks filled the air, getting louder by the seconds. "Ain't no prairie demons… them's prairie dogs!"

Before anyone could react, the prairie dogs came tumbling out of the bushes, right behind Careen. Eli was shouting for his rifle, Jayne was shouting for Careen to get into the house, everyone was shouting at once. Asa and Casey had come outside with their shotguns, and threw Jayne's to him. Eli had run down the back steps to get Careen.

A dog lunged at Careen but Eli grabbed her just in time. The dog turned its' jaw on him then, clamping onto his leg. Eli fell, pushing Careen away. Casey yanked her into the house, while Jayne and Asa shot at the dogs. Everything was moving so fast, the dogs were so loud. The blood was rushing in Jayne's ears. All he could see was his father getting mauled.

Suddenly, nothing else mattered but Jayne, Eli and the dog. Jayne inhaled a calming breath, took aim and fired. The dog went down immediately, blood spurting everywhere. Eli was collapsed on the grass, several chunks taken out of his left leg. His leg was irreparably damaged. The dog attack would be the reason why he always walked with a limp and used a walking stick after that.

Jayne came up upon Eli, who was breathing shallowly and bleeding copiously. Asa, Casey, Matthew and Alexa were now crowded around him, but Eli's eyes went right to Jayne standing beyond them.

"Don't you see now how much we need you?" he wheezed. "You can't up 'n' leave us now."

Jayne shook his head. "I'm still goin' Pa. I gotta."

Eli looked near to tears, and it wasn't because of the pain in his leg. "Then you're no son of mine," he spat.

Jayne just stared at him, his gaze dark and steely. "That's fine by me."

**-O-**

Eli was still sitting on the porch swing later when Asa came out and joined him.

Asa gave his father a crooked look. "Jayne's stormin' around in there like a bull in a china shop. What'd you say to him Dad?"

"Everyone just assumes it's me that's gone 'n' pissed him off," Eli griped.

Asa just gave him a pointed look and Eli relented.

"We had ourselves a disagreement. Mostly over that child there," Eli told him, pointing with his walking stick at River, who was now pottering around the yard alone, Careen having gone inside.

"His choices are his choices. You can't change that none. You couldn't fifteen years since, and ya can't now," Asa said plainly.

"Don't you think I know that boy?" Eli snapped. "Jayne's a stubborn hun dan, always has been. He'd argue anythin' just so's it meant goin' against me. Maybe I ain't been right about everythin' over the years, but _**that**_ won't last," he said, nodding at River. "He got her knocked up and now he's gotta stick by her just 'cause she's on the crew. If it weren't for that he woulda left her in the dust."

"You don't know that," Asa remarked.

Eli snorted. "Oh I know it all right. I know _**Jayne**_," he said darkly. "He don't like bein' tied to nobody nor nothin'."

"He's been gone for fifteen years. That's nigh on half his life. We don't know how much he's changed," Asa said firmly. "And these stories, it ain't just hogwash he's spinnin'. All of the crew are sayin' the same thing. Reavers are real, and the Alliance created 'em. And if Reavers really are the monsters we fear they are, then it's no wonder Jayne's changed. Seein' brutality like that, it does somethin' to a man."

Eli could tell by the tone in Asa's voice that he was thinking of his experiences in the War. "It was a whole 'nother story with you son. You were doin' your duty. Fightin' a cause. Maybe you seen brutality, maybe you done it yourself, but it weren't no campfire story, it were real, it were wartime."

Asa snorted, showing some of his little seen emotions, and a bit of that bad attitude that seemed to be a Cobb family trait. "Dad, when are you gonna get it through to your head? We _**lost**_. And harpin' on about how honourable we were in fighting won't fix that. I'm glad Jayne didn't go to war, I'm glad he got to live the life he wanted. At least he's usin' what he learned in the military for somethin', he's makin' a living out of it. Me? What did I get for all my skills? A pound of shrapnel in my leg and an early retirement."

Eli blinked at Asa's outburst, but seemed not to have really heard what he'd said. "But you were brave! And your medals show that! You're a hero, Asa. An honest to goodness hero! Jayne's a con. Nothin' but a no-good con."

Asa shook his head and pursed his lips. "You just don't get it, do you? A man can show his bravery in places other than the battlefield. Maybe Jayne's done that already and we just ain't seen it."

With that, Asa limped off, slamming the back door as he went in. Eli was left sitting there bewildered as to why all of his sons seemed to be storming out on him today.

"They don't understand."

Eli flinched and looked up on hearing the small, girlish voice. It was River. She was standing right in front of him. Girl moved like a cat. He hadn't even realised she was on the porch. He looked down and noticed she was barefoot. She was as peculiar as Careen was, and that was saying something.

"What's that?"

"They don't understand why you love the military so much. Even Asa. He loved the military, but he doesn't love it like you did. He went to war because it was required of him, but when you went it was because you wanted to."

Eli arched an eyebrow. "This some kind of Reader trick? Huh? Or did Jayne just tell you all about how much he hates his daddy?"

River sat on the swing with him, her weight barely making it rock at all. "No. He never talks about his family. None of us knew your names, or anything about you, or about his past. Well, I did. I know without him having to say it, but the others didn't."

Eli just looked at her. He was utterly confounded by her. She seemed so detached, but when she spoke it was with complete clarity. She was an enigma.

"Don't."

"Don't what?"

River smiled. "Don't try to figure me out. You'll just give yourself a headache."

Eli paused and then laughed loudly. "Girl-child, you are a mighty strange little thing."

River shrugged. "It's not so bad being strange."

"Well that's always what them that are strange _**always**_ say," he retorted.

River tilted her head. "You sound like Jayne."

"Dunno whether that's an insult or a compliment."

"It's both," she said decisively. There was a lull in the conversation while he chuckled to himself, but then River turned to him seriously. "Jayne was right, wasn't he? When he said you wanted him to be more like Mal?"

Eli groused and shifted where he sat. "He told you about that huh?"

River blinked. "No." She paused. "But I just wanted to tell you that he can't be. Jayne can't be like Mal. Not wired that way. Just like I'm not wired to be _**not**_ strange. I am what I am. I understand Eli. Why you can't accept that Jayne's different? I _**understand**_. Simon couldn't accept that I was different at first. But then after a while, he learned to. And then he didn't waste so much time worrying about me."

River stood up, smoothing her dress down. He squinted up at her, the very last of the sun's blood red rays illuminating her from behind. He saw then, not so much a girl, but the hint of a woman, looking back at him through that sheet of long hair. She had knowing eyes, and a smirking mouth, and an uncommon beauty. She had that air about her that told him she'd been to war. Maybe not the kind of war he was used to, but war all the same.

She reached out and put her hand to his face, his thick beard scratching her palm. "Don't need to worry so much about Jayne anymore. He's got Serenity. And when he goes to battle, he's got me looking over his shoulder… and _**nobody**_ gets past me."

With a final look, she turned and went inside, leaving Eli Cobb stunned to silence for the first time in all his sixty-one years.

**-O-**

For over a week, the crew of Serenity invaded the Cobb household.

It wasn't like they were just idling there though, everyone was busy at something. Kaylee and Mal shopped around the scrap yards that were dotted all across Athens, buying and bartering for perfectly good used parts for Serenity. Kaylee then whiled away her days replacing some of Serenity's just-about-to-break innards.

Simon discovered that even if Jayne wasn't exactly the most educated and articulate of people, his brother Casey certainly was. He was shocked and intrigued when he found out that Casey was a medic-in-training. Casey was eager for Simon's wisdom, both from working as a trauma surgeon in the ER in Core hospitals and from treating serious wounds out on the Rim. Casey was interning with the local doctor, and Simon accompanied him on his rounds for several days, also giving Casey access to drugs and books he never would have had otherwise.

It was time for the harvest, so Jayne was roped into helping with that on the Cobb farm. He was dragged out of bed and down to the fields at the crack of dawn and there wasn't rest in sight until at least seven in the evening, but the work had been known to go on until eleven sometimes. Zoë, who'd been born and bred aboard a ship, loved learning about life on the land, and being a quick study, she picked up on everything within no time, and helped out the Cobb boys and their father.

While Jayne was working in the fields, River found herself very at home in the Cobb homestead. Darcy was a lot like Kaylee, a tiny ball of energy spinning about leaving cheerfulness in her wake. Once they'd broken the ice, she and Alexa warmed to one another as well. They weren't the best of friends by any means, and hadn't exactly grown close, but with Jayne out of the way, they at least got to speak to one another.

It was Careen though that River really enjoyed spending time with. River had had to deal with psychological problems for a couple of years, but Careen had had them for her whole life, and that garnered the highest respect for her in River. Careen talked at length about the long trek it had been to try and find some semblance of normalcy and calm. She'd felt ostracized and alone for a long time, Jayne being no help with that of course.

River had never felt Jayne's disgust about this so strongly as she had in the last few days he'd been around Careen. She brought it out in him full force. When River found herself acting a little eccentric now and again, he'd snapped at her all the quicker for it, quicker than he usually would have. He hardly looked at Careen, let alone engaged in a proper conversation with her. It didn't help that every evening when he came home, he found her and River thick as thieves.

That evening though, she was nowhere to be seen when he and the boys trudged in, weary and hungry. Casey informed him that the heat, combined with a natural predisposition to faint during pregnancy, had made River feel a little light-headed, and he and Simon had both recommended she rest up.

Jayne and River had been staying in the Cobb house, in his and Asa's old room, which had been empty since Asa had moved in with his fiancée. Jayne traipsed upstairs to the room, finding River curled on the bed, looking back at him expectantly.

"Knew I was comin', huh?"

"Don't need to be a Reader to hear you coming Jayne," she replied, that child-like precociousness present as ever. "You're kind of loud."

He sat on the edge of the bed, exhaustion weighing him down. Nothing like a day in the fields to take it out of someone. No matter what kind of work he'd done out in the black, none of it had ever tired him out as much as his daddy's slave driving on the farm did.

River reached out and ran her hand over his chest. "You're covered in dirt."

"That's on account of the fields bein' covered in dirt," he said sarcastically, pulling the shirt over his head and throwing it over a chair. He poked her arm teasingly. "Come on now, no need to be a hog. You ain't gotten so big yet you gotta take up the whole bed, have ya?"

River gave him an arch look and moved back to the middle of the bed. Jayne collapsed exhaustedly where she had been.

"Heard tell you went all weak at the knees."

"Don't worry about me."

"Weren't worried."

"Was too."

"Just a little."

"Or a lot."

"You gotta be so smart-mouthed all the time? Don't your brain ever get tired?" he snorted.

At her amused look, Jayne just pressed his lips together. He threw an arm over her and pulled her to him, scowling at her like she should have been there already. River felt a warm wash of sleepiness come over her, like she'd been doped.

She ran her finger over the thin scar on his chest, the one that she'd given him with the slash of a knife, oh so long ago. A life time ago. She'd been much crazier then. He'd been much meaner. How could they ever have imagined the horrors to come? How could they have imagined the joys to come?

She was such a ranting little moon brain; he never thought he'd share a sane conversation with her, let alone a bed. It had been easy enough to respect her for what she could do – how fast she could shoot, the precision with which she threw knives, how smooth and deadly her hand-to-hand fighting was. Once he'd accepted her as a real person, an actual girl, wanting her and desiring her, that had been pretty easy too.

But being alone with River, when they weren't fighting others, or one another, or having sex, it was a whole different challenge. This casual comfort, bodies close, silence blanketing them – that had taken a while. He wasn't certain he'd gotten used to it yet. It was strange and foreign, but so were most things when one hadn't felt them in a long time, or indeed, ever.

Jayne had never been the sentimental type, wasn't sure he even was now, but he felt some kind of something being with River. Just lying there with her. Maybe it was peace, or contentment, or any number of girly feelings he shouldn't acknowledge. But it felt right.

With that thought in mind, Jayne lowered his head and kissed her. It was the kind of kiss _**she**_ usually gave _**him**_ – sweet and chaste. His arm dwarfed her as he held her close to him, the new curves of her usually lean body moulding into him.

As night drew in, moonlight seeped into the darkened room. In the glow, his eyes moved across her body. Her bare leg curled across him. The long length of her arm. The curve of her neck down to her breasts. She was falling asleep now. The straps of her dress were slipping down, forgotten. The skirt was wrinkling across her thighs. She was warm and firm against him.

"Jayne?" she murmured into his chest.

"That's me."

River's fingers danced down his arm. He shivered.

"Jayne. You should be nicer to Careen. She loves you."

Jayne frowned up at the ceiling as River drifted off.

Hours later, when the night had blanketed the world like a dusty curtain, Jayne blinked awake. He'd found that he'd slept right through the evening. As he tried to get his bearings, a noise permeated his consciousness, and he realised what it was that had woken him. A repetitive, even squeaking. The swing.

Through bleary eyes he looked out the window. A lone figure were swinging back and forth, barely visible in the coal black night. He looked back at River, curled down deep in his childhood bed. He didn't know what possessed him, but he grabbed his shirt and boots, and went downstairs. Feeling annoyed about missing supper, and even more annoyed that no one had woken him for it, he took a fresh red apple from the bowl on the table, and then stood at the back door, his hand hovering over the handle.

He could see her out the window, still languidly swaying on the swing. Careen. He'd risen from bed, gotten dressed and forgone raiding his mother's larder all because of this compulsion to go outside to her. Why? Jayne rolled his eyes and gave up pondering wherefores and art thous and just went outside.

His grabbed a flickering lantern from the porch, and moved across the grass to the swing set. Careen saw the light creeping across the grass and whirled around, twisting the swing chains.

"Aren't you afraid the prairie demons are gonna getcha?" Jayne said evenly.

Careen's expression didn't change. She wasn't sure how to react to his suddenly talking to her in something other than a yell or an order. "Not really. A very long time ago someone kill all them prairie demons. I ain't seen none since."

"Damn right," Jayne agreed. He sat on the swing River had been on earlier. He felt like a child, but he supposed that was the point of an adult sitting on a swing – to feel like a child again.

He became very quiet and then he carefully looked at Careen over the lantern light. "Hi," he said simply.

She smiled slowly, and then reached over and stole the apple from him. "Hi," she replied.

High up, from the bedroom window, River watched them in contented silence.

**-O-**


	7. Inara

**Part 7  
**_Inara_

Serenity had been made for the black, and so had her crew.

All that travelled within her were born for life in the black, no matter how many winding paths they had to take to get them there.

Mal, he had found the Eden that the good book he'd clung to for so long had preached about. Yes, he'd found it and it wasn't through the way of the Lord… it was through Serenity. If he could, he'd never go planet-side, he'd just sail through the black, free of the constraints of land and man. _**That**_ was heaven. And it was like he had himself a guardian angel too. Inara Serra had swept into his life, saving him when he hadn't even realised he'd needed saving. But that was the way of it, wasn't it?

He'd never know just how much Serenity and her Captain had saved Inara though. River did. River knew more about the crew of Serenity and than even they knew about themselves. As she wandered into the galley and saw Inara making tea in the kitchen, River smiled, comfortable in the knowledge that Inara's heart was a much a deep well of secrets as hers was.

"Stop that," River muttered suddenly. She looked down sternly. "I said stop it!"

Inara looked up. "Are you okay sweetie?"

"My baby is kicking me. I told it to stop but its refusing to listen. How am I supposed to ever discipline this child?"

"Mei mei, you'll discipline him or her just fine," Inara laughed, her scarlet lips shining. "I think right now the little one's just following in its father's footsteps and deciding not to take orders from anyone!"

"Jayne is a bad influence," River said decisively.

Inara gave her a tender, motherly smile that River had long ago decided was one of the best things in the 'verse. "I agree," she laughed as she sipped her tea. "Would you like to spend a few hours with me on my shuttle while the others are gone?"

"I'd like to later! I can't now – I'm going with them."

Inara's face fell. It was more than disappointment etched on her features, it was abject fear and anxiety. It was only then that she realised that River had black combat boots on and a long black coat. She planted a leg on chair, and slid a knife into the side of one of her boots. Inara quavered at the sight. A young pregnant girl, so slender and vulnerable-looking: what a frightening lie River was. Inara felt sick at the thought of River's potential victims, laughing to themselves at the sight of this girl coming to fight them – they would die so fast at her hand that their smiles would probably still be on their faces.

"River, do you think that wise? You're five months pregnant!" she exclaimed, her voice wavering. Her hands shook so much that she sloshed hot tea on them and had to put the cup down.

River didn't bat an eyelid at her odd behaviour. She knew where it was all coming from. "I'll be fine. I _**know**_ I'll be fine. Usually, I'm right about these things."

"Yes, of course… but the unexpected can happen. Just a few months ago, it _**did**_! River, I really think you should stay," Inara said stiffly.

River put her foot back on the floor, her boot pounding loudly. Her expression was unreadable, her eyes darkening with the images she saw in Inara's mind. She knew her friends still sometimes feared the killer slumbering inside of her. It didn't bother her so much anymore. When she knew there was a battle coming, when she knew she would take lives, those same old automatic reflexes took her over, it all became natural. It was a part of her that she'd despised for a long time, until she'd realised that she wasn't killing needlessly anymore. She wasn't killing for the Alliance anymore, she was killing for her own, for those she loved, so they could survive, live another day.

"Inara. I'll be fine," River said in a sharp voice. "Maybe you should look to yourself though. Simon can help you."

River's suggestion was innocent enough, but Inara felt like she'd been slapped across the face. Her breath caught as River sauntered from the room. She knew what River meant, just as River knew exactly what was going on inside of Inara. Inara stared down into her teacup, suppressing a sob.

_**Simon can help you. **_

No, she didn't think he could. She didn't think anyone could fix what was wrong with her, not just in body, but in mind.

**-O-**

Jayne looked up as River descended the steps into the cargo hold, her stark white dress and jet black coat contrasting sharply just as her pale skin and dark hair did. Jagged sparks of desire went through him as he watched her. It still felt wrong, illicit, punishable-by-Mal's-gun to look at her this way, to think about her this way. He often forgot that his claim on her had long ago been staked, and a part of that claim was growing steadily within her.

He was abruptly shaken from his reverie by Mal's loud voice.

"Albatross. Talk to your brute. Kindly inform him we don't need three and a half thousand guns on a routine drop."

River looked up at Mal, laughter dancing in her eyes. "Xavier's going to double crosses you. You're going to need _**lots**_ of guns."

Jayne's head shot up from inside the Mule. "Girl's right Mal. That man 'n' his posse are the most trigger happy hun dans in the 'verse, sides us of course. Ya won't be complainin' when one o' these ladies right here saves ya from gettin' shot," he exclaimed. Then an amused, teasing looked crossed his face. "But then again, it's kinda like a mathematical certainty that you _**will**_ get shot, so I don't suppose they'll do _**you**_ any good."

Mal gave Jayne a wry look and pointed at River as he crossed the cargo hold. "I blame _**you**_!"

"And you're allowed to, because I am a bothersome and burdenful nuisance who's caused you more trouble than anyone else in the 'verse," River recited sweetly, suggesting he'd said this to her many times before and made her repeat it back to him just as many times.

Mal turned around and walked backwards briefly, shooting her a winning smile. "You're learnin' sweetheart."

Jayne sidled up to River, pulling her flush against him. "Well she _**is**_ a fast learner, ain't ya?"

Mal placed his hands over his ears as he trudged up the steps to the second level. "I am pretending that there was absolutely _**no**_ sexual innuendo in that statement whatsoever!" he called over his shoulder.

Jayne, wrapped one arm around River's waist, the other weighed down by a very large gun. He gave River a shark-toothed grin. "I can't have my eyes on you the whole time today. You better take good care of yourself," he told her.

River arched an eyebrow, giving him a pointed look.

He rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "Yeah, yeah, I know… warrior woman, can kill with your brain." He bent his head and pressed a crushing kiss to her mouth, abruptly cutting off what she was about to say.

Mal returned with Zoë and let out a retching sound. "Just what I like to see. Innocent little girls being corrupted by lecherous old men in my cargo bay. Zoë, I think my eyeballs may be bleeding."

Zoë tilted her head at the sight of Jayne and River, wrinkling her nose. "I'm inclined to agree sir."

River and Jayne pulled apart, unperturbed by Mal and Zoë's teasing.

Jayne grinned over at Mal. "Dead man walking!" he cat-called.

"Shut up, or you'll be the only dead man 'round these parts and ya sure as hell won't be doin' no walkin'!" Mal retorted a little limply.

He was worried, and his weak comeback showed it. He seemed to be taking Jayne's usual mocking to heart this time – Xavier really did like to shoot things. Mostly people's faces.

"I'm inclined to agree sir…" Zoë repeated, smiling slightly.

Mal perked up and smiled self-righteously. "Thank you Zoë."

"… With Jayne."

Mal looked scandalised and utterly betrayed. "I _**knew**_ you'd turn on me! This 'to the end' stuff you've been feedin' me… it's all been a disturbingly convincing ruse!"

"Yes sir, it surely is. It is a highly ingenious plan that I've been formulating these last ten years, so that I could take command of your boat and claim it as my own. I have been found out. Oh the humanity," Zoë said deadpan, her expression unchanging though mirth danced in her eyes.

Mal narrowed his eyes. "You know, I put up with your husband's sarcasm for many a year Zoë 'cause I knew you were fond of him. But right now I am really _**not**_ fond of the fact that that sarcasm has rubbed off on you like nobody's business."

Zoë smiled melancholically at the mention of Wash, and shrugged at Mal. "I guess Junior wasn't the only thing he left behind with me," she said in a teasing tone.

"Damn right." Mal sighed. "C'mon, time's money folks. Get a move on!"

Zoë climbed into the driver's seat of the Mule, while Jayne lifted River in effortlessly. He tossed her up a final few guns and she deposited them in the storage boxes behind her. As they powered up, Mal hopped in beside Zoë, his coat fanning out as he did so.

Inara came out on the walk above them, and held up a hand in silent farewell. Mal grinned winningly at her, while she and River shared a meaningful look. River could hear Inara's fragmented thoughts.

_**Don't let it happen again… Not like last time… Don't get hurt… Don't let it happen… Not like it did to me… Like me… **_

River knew the 'last time' she was thinking of. 'The last time' had given her enough bad dreams to remember it quite well. But she feared it haunted Inara now, more than it did her.

**-O-**

It had been just over four months ago. They had been on Greenleaf. Another heist. Another heist that would go _**wrong**_. River had had a bad feeling bubbling in her stomach as the Mule whizzed over the land, but she hadn't set much store by it. She always had a bad feeling when they went on heists – that was the very nature of a heist.

Sitting with her in the back of the Mule, Jayne was surreptitiously running a hand over her leg. Mal and Zoë were busy arguing over coordinates and times or some such to notice. No one knew about them yet, despite the fact that they'd been indulging in some slightly more extra-curricular activities for nearly five months.

It came and went – sometimes they could go for weeks without being with one another. They'd just go on jobs and squabble like usual. Other times, the squabbling became arguing, arguing became fighting, fighting became guns drawn at ten paces… which then became River straddling Jayne on the cargo hold floor at one in the morning. Their passion waxed and waned, like the moon, River often thought. This passion had been maintained steadily for the last few months, which had never happened before.

As Jayne's hand moved further up her leg and then finally, actually under her skirt, River shoot Jayne a wide-eyed glare, gesturing pointedly to Mal and Zoë sitting just a few inches away. Jayne almost got the fright of his life when Mal turned around suddenly, and he yanked his hand off of River's leg, whacking Mal in the face as he did so. Jayne just stared at Mal, who was clutching his cheek, bewildered and pissed.

"What in the shiny red ass of Satan is wrong with you?" he demanded.

Jayne was shifty. "Just twitchy boss. Ready to do some killin' is all."

"Uh huh," Mal snapped. He looked to River. "Are you Reading anything out of the ordinary?"

"We're not there yet. I don't see anything."

Mal seemed just as anxious as River felt. "Somethin' just don't feel right," he said contemplatively.

And something _**wasn't**_ right. As they arrived in Apollo, Kaylee sent them a wave from the bridge of Serenity. There had _**already**_ been a robbery at the bank they had been planning to hit. They guessed as much when they saw that Alliance soldiers were absolutely swarming the place, demanding identification from everyone who crossed the border into the town. When they got caught in a line of vehicles being stopped by the soldiers outside the town, Zoë and Mal realised that this was really not where they wanted to be.

It had been two years since the Operative had allowed them to slip out of the Alliance's grasp. No longer were their faces broadcast in waves across every planet demanding their capture, but Mal still had an inkling that the Alliance was keeping tabs on them. Maybe not all the time, maybe not with their own eyes, but he knew that there were spies, probably posing as Rim folk, taking stock of their movements.

River Tam was one of the most valuable possessions the Alliance could have, and they desperately wanted her back. Mal didn't think much could stop them from trying, even if their attempts were slower and more covert than they had been before.

They all knew that if River was identified officially that the Alliance would obviously try to apprehend her. Zoë did a sharp U-turn and sped away from Apollo. Mal got Kaylee over the comm and told her to power up and get ready to bring them out of atmo as soon as they arrived back.

Unfortunately for them, their quick getaway had not gone unnoticed. The squadron checking IDs outside the town notified their ship, The Eagle Eye, stationed a few miles above in the sky, of a suspicious vehicle moving west at high speed. The Eagle Eye tracked the Mule with their high visibility surveillance equipment.

Their land cruiser was much faster than the Mule and they were on their tail in minutes.

River turned and stared behind them at the Alliance vehicle. "Seven," she murmured. "Seven men aboard. All armed. Four veterans. Three rookies. They know who we are."

Mal, listening to her soft running commentary, swore loudly in Chinese, and then even louder in English, at this news. Zoë, not panicked, simply put her foot down on the accelerator.

"What are we gonna do?" Jayne said urgently to Mal. "Kaylee don't know how to pull the crazy flyin' Wash could. Serenity can't save us."

"I know," Mal stated. "_**We're**_ gonna hafta save us. We've had worse odds than this. Two hundred Reavers, remember that one?"

"Killing a purple belly is punishable by death Cap'n."

Mal rounded on his second-in-command viciously. "Since when have you given a damn about the Alliance, Zoë! The Alliance killed the Shepherd. The Alliance created the Reavers – who killed Wash. They woulda made corpses of all of us too. So if they want us, if they want River, then we're ending them. Dong-ma?!"

"Understood sir," Zoë stated. "Just don't wanna add anythin' else to our rap sheet if we don't need to."

"Oh, we need to," Mal said darkly. And that was the end of the conversation.

By time the Mule reached Serenity, the Alliance land cruiser was already signalling them to pull over. Zoë rounded the Mule and turned it to face the cruiser as it halted to a stop. A young man of about twenty exited the cruiser, training a rifle on them.

"Throw down any and all weapons immediately!"

"Now you know that ain't happenin' boy!" Mal called back cheerfully. He jumped down from the Mule.

"Captain Reynolds. I've heard so much about you!" an older man said, coming up behind the younger one. He had grey and white hair, and a full beard. His face was lined and ancient, but despite his obvious age, his body was large and strong. "I'm Lieutenant-Commander Rawley. This is Officer Kray. I believe we'll be arresting you now."

"On what charges?" Zoë snapped darkly.

Rawley laughed. "Mrs. Washburne. You know _**exactly**_ what charges. That young girl there isn't yours."

Jayne looked at River quickly, a powerful shock of rage hitting him. "She ain't yours neither!" he spat.

"You're the mercenary, aren't you? Well sir, I'm sure you feel just as fiercely about keeping River Tam from us as your two comrades here. But she will always be hunted, and as long as you're with her – so will you."

River swallowed hard, but her expression remained unchanged. "Nobody ever lets me speak for myself," she said in a light, almost cheerful voice.

She hopped down from the Mule, coming to stand beside Mal. Young Officer Kray, obviously well-versed in what River could do, shifted and lifted his rifle quickly.

"No, I don't suppose they do," Rawley said in his deep and craggy voice. "But that may be because you left most of your wits behind you when you left your Academy," he simpered.

River's face changed dramatically, a cloud of darkness descending on her features. She tilted her head. "No. It's because the Alliance _**took**_ my wits, you son of a bitch."

Jayne and Mal snorted laughingly at River's well-timed display of clarity, while Zoë arched a triumphant eyebrow. Rawley's mouth fell open a little and he moved slightly where he stood, obviously surprised by this lucidity from an apparently disturbed and insane girl.

River stepped closer to Rawley with every word she spoke, her hair and coat flying behind her in the wind. "I'm eighteen. I'm not a child anymore. The Alliance has no power over me. I belong to _**no one**_," she said in a dangerously low voice.

It was then that Rawley got to see, up close and personal, the danger deep down inside of the little girl that the Alliance had been looking for for so long.

"And why is it that you're stationed out here on such a back-water planet?" she asked in a gentle, girlish tone. "Hmm? They found out, didn't they? About your… _**past indiscretions**_? Then you got shunted to the Rim, doomed to spend the rest of your career hopping from one barren planet to the next, policing lonesome towns and lonesome people."

Rawley's calm expression snapped, and he pulled his gun suddenly, making even Officer Kray flinch with fright. "All right! This is over now! Drop your weapons, you Browncoat scum," he shouted in River's face.

River didn't move a muscle. Mal had whipped out his gun, training it on Rawley. Zoë's was on Kray. Jayne had _**two**_ guns on both Rawley _**and**_ Kray. Everyone froze.

"You can't win this. I've got five more men inside the land cruiser," Rawley laughed.

"Yeah? Well, I've got more of a yearning in me to kill you than you'll ever know," Mal shot back in a voice laced with utter venom. "That's all I need."

With that, he shot Rawley in the leg.

Immediately, all hell broke loose. The five men inside the Alliance land cruiser spilled out, guns brandished. Bullets were whizzing everywhere, but River moved with grace dodging every one of them. The first man to attack her got a shattered collarbone for his troubles, and the ones that followed didn't fare much better.

The rookie, Officer Kray, scrambled across the dusty ground, bleeding from the nose where Zoë had hit him with the heel of her hand. Above him River had just downed a senior officer with a kick to the head. As she turned around, Kray stood up sharply, his heart pounding. He'd never known such unbelievable terror. Without even thinking about it, he copied the move he'd just seen her perform – a roundhouse kick – obviously with a lot less precision than she though. He still managed to hit her squarely in the stomach.

Amazingly, River faltered and stumbled back, seeming shocked and dazed. Kray didn't waste time. He kicked her again in the same place, and again, as she stumbled backwards, and did nothing to stop him. She fell to the ground. There was a deafening roar in her ears, and she felt a disorienting ache within her. It was more than physical; she could feel it in her mind, in every fibre of her being. Something was screaming in pain, and it wasn't her.

Mal was the first to notice that River was down. By the way she lay there, so silent and still, he thought she'd been shot, or worse, she was dead. Shrill panic rose in him and he slid across the dust on his knees. She opened her eyes, hardly seeming to see him. He didn't know where she'd been hurt, but she was alive and that was enough.

"Grenade, Jayne! End this!" Mal shouted. He scooped River up in his arms and walked toward Serenity, hardly flinching as he heard a huge explosion behind him.

Zoë was quick on her feet as the Alliance men went down, jumping in the Mule and revving it up, while Jayne hurried to catch up with Mal.

"What's wrong with her?"

"No idea. But I ain't seen nothin' take River down, aside from the Doc's safe word," Mal said gravely.

As he walked up the ramp, the doors opened and there was Simon. From the smoke of the explosion emerged a stumbling Rawley, but Simon was quick off the mark. With the hand gun he held close to his chest, he shot Rawley in the shoulder and he went down again. Simon quickly tossed his gun to Jayne and looked to River.

"What happened to her?" he demanded.

"No idea. I can't find no gunshot wound, nothin'. She ain't got a scratch on her," Mal said breathlessly as they made their way to the infirmary. "Zoë! You 'n' Kaylee get us outta atmo 'fore they land-lock us. _**NOW**_!"

Inara joined Simon and Mal as they rushed to the infirmary. Jayne followed slowly, his heart in his throat. Simon had Mal and Jayne stay outside while Inara assisted him. Both he and Inara quickly noticed a blood stain seeping through the material of River's dress.

"She's haemorrhaging," Simon murmured, confused.

"So find out why," Inara said urgently.

She could tell that Simon was reacting differently to this patient than any other. This was River, his own sister. He'd been her doctor for a long time, yes, but he'd never had to see to an actual physical injury. It had all been psychological wounds with River. Now that there was blood, _**blood**_ coming from his little sister, he feared his brain was going to shut down, and he'd just crumble. Thank God for Inara. She spurred him into action.

River was awake, that much was good, but she was extremely dazed. "He kicked me. In the stomach. It hurts," was all she said.

She seemed very affected by this, considering all that happened was she'd been kicked in the stomach. Tears pooled in her eyes, and she was fighting back panic. Simon couldn't understand how such a minor injury could make her haemorrhage. Surely one man's kick couldn't cause internal injuries _**that**_ bad? He didn't know what was happening to her, but he was going to find out.

As he worked on her, doing scans, taking x-rays, River kept losing blood. A grey pallor came over her face, and the grip she'd had on Inara's hand went limp.

"She's unconscious Simon," Inara said quickly.

Simon began breathing heavily, a cold sweat pricking on his brow. He saw on the nearby monitor that River's heart rate had slowed dramatically. On another monitor that was hooked to her stomach he noticed something odd. Another heart rate was registering, and while the first monitor showed a slow heart rate, this showed a fast one.

"What?" he murmured.

By now, Serenity was far from Persephone and The Eagle Eye, having shot out across the nearby planet, bouncing a signal that said they'd gone in the other direction. Hopefully, if the Alliance had pursued them, they'd followed the fake signal. Kaylee and Zoë had joined Mal and Jayne outside the infirmary, all bewildered over what had happened to River. They could see Simon and Inara through the glass, their expressions were tight and distressed, and that didn't make their audience outside feel any better.

"Did you either of you see what happened to her?" Mal asked Zoë and Jayne.

"Kray just kicked her in the stomach. That's it," Zoë answered, puzzled. "She went down like she'd been shot. It was bizarre."

"Somethin' else musta happened that nobody saw. River ain't never been hurt. Not like this," Kaylee murmured fearfully.

"It could be some Alliance thing. Some silent trigger," Zoë remarked.

Jayne shot up out of his seat at that, pacing across the room. "Don't talk like that," he said gruffly.

"What's it to you, Jayne?" Mal said quietly.

"Me 'n' her been partners on near every job since Miranda. You think I wanna see her like this?" Jayne snapped.

Mal closed his mouth. It had never occurred to him that Jayne's feelings toward Simon and River had softened over the last few years. It was true he hadn't protested their presence much in recent times, and Mal had noticed that he and River certainly worked well together on jobs. They were totally in unison, but he'd put that down to the fact that River could foresee Jayne's next move – and not because her and Jayne had bonded. Maybe he'd been wrong.

They waited outside for quite a long time. Simon and Inara didn't seem to be doing much now but talking, and Mal went and opened the infirmary door, poking his head in.

"Everything shiny now?" he enquired.

Simon and Inara shared a look. Both had pale faces while River appeared to be unconscious. Mal knew then that something was seriously wrong.

"All right, I'm gonna pull rank. I'm the captain and she's one of my crew. So you're gonna tell me what's wrong with her – _**now**_," Mal said sternly.

"Maybe we should wait until River wakes up…" Inara suggested tentatively.

Simon looked like he might pass out himself, but he swallowed hard and glared at the floor. "No," he said firmly. "I need to find out what— I just… I'm going to tell them all. River…" He pressed his hand to his eyes.

Inara's brows came together mournfully. "Mal, give him a moment," she said, ushering him out.

Outside, their fellow crew members looked at Inara expectantly.

"Is she all right?" Kaylee asked immediately.

Inara smiled tightly. "I think so, yes. She fell unconscious, so we don't know how much pain she might be in, but she's stopped haemorrhaging."

"Haemorrhaging?" Zoë repeated. "That boy only kicked her a few times."

Inara looked uncomfortable. "Simon can explain… better. I think we should—"

"Inara." Simon stood in the infirmary doorway, looking incredibly tired and much older than his twenty-four years. "It's all right."

"Simon, we're all just about worryin' ourselves to death out here," Kaylee said. "Tell us if she's okay. This is River. Not a soul in the 'verse can take her down! What's wrong with her?"

Simon gazed at the floor. "Well it's quite simple really Kaylee. She was kicked in the stomach. _**She**_ wasn't injured. The child growing inside her _**was**_."

There was a shocked silence. Jayne stared at Simon unblinkingly, unable to breathe.

Inara placed a comforting hand on Simon's back. "River's pregnant," he choked out. He finally looked up at them all, his eyes red and glassy. He glared at Mal and Jayne. "Now do I need to demand DNA from both of you and test it myself… or is someone going to tell me who did this to her?" he spat viciously.

Inara removed her hand from his back, her face shocked. "Surely you're not suggesting that Mal could have—"

Mal stepped forward to Simon threateningly. "No Inara. He couldn't possibly be suggesting that I forced myself on a girl nigh on half my own age. He couldn't be suggesting that I _**raped**_ his little sister," he said in a dangerously low voice. "Could you Simon?"

Simon met eyes with him unflinchingly. "You tell me," he said simply.

Zoë stepped between them. "Don't _**even**_ start this," she said sternly to Mal. She looked to Simon. "The Captain hasn't done _**anything**_ to River. You don't even know if it's anyone on this ship Simon."

"River's hardly more than a month pregnant! We've hardly been planet-side at all in the last _**two**_ months," Simon shot back fiercely. "You do the math."

Mal squared his jaw and slowly turned his gaze to Jayne. "Now I don't wanna sully your good name, but I sure know I ain't fathered no child, 'specially not with River… so start talkin' Jayne," he said in a controlled voice.

Simon followed Mal's gaze, a sharp look of realisation coming over him. There was silence, and then a split second later the room erupted. Simon lunged for Jayne, and had to be restrained by both Mal and Zoë. He managed to shake Zoë off, and she stumbled back into Kaylee. He almost got out of Mal's grasp too.

As Mal struggled with him, he glared at Jayne. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't let him at you!" he exclaimed.

Jayne shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. "Here's one – I ain't done nothin' wrong," he said simply, his voice thick with shock. It was clear that he was as stunned as Simon. Overcome with it all, he stomped out of the room.

"Come back here you son of a bitch rapist!" Simon screamed after him.

Kaylee stared after Jayne, tearful. At Simon's words, she turned back, scowling. "_**Don't**_ go throwin' words like that around," she said softly but sharply.

"Simon you're forgetting the most important thing here," Inara said. "Did you save River's baby?"

Simon relaxed in Mal's iron grip, breathing heavily. "I don't know."

Inara's eyes flashed angrily. "So get in there and help your sister then!" she exclaimed.

"What if she doesn't want it to be saved? What if she's as horrified about it as we are?" Simon asked. "She's been through enough. This is the last thing she needs."

Inara looked like she was very close to slapping Simon. "Don't you _**dare**_ talk like that. It's not up to you to decide if her baby lives or dies!" she said hysterically. "You are a doctor, first and foremost! You do not let innocent children die!"

Simon's expression was unreadable. He merely wrested himself from Mal's grip and stalked back into the infirmary.

Mal stood there, blinking repeatedly. "I am just confounded. I don't know what to do," he said honestly.

"Talk to Jayne. Find out if he's bein' as truthful as he says he is," Zoë advised.

"Right," Mal breathed. "Right…"

He wandered off, bewildered. Inara and Kaylee stood looking into the infirmary.

"Do you really think Jayne's the father of River's baby?" Kaylee asked.

"I don't know. I just hope when this is all over, River still _**has**_ a baby," Inara said faintly.

Inara had feared for River that night but Simon had come through, as always. Everything within him had fought against saving this child, this _**thing**_ that could very well have been forced upon River. But his doctor's ethics won out, and he struggled to bring this almost human inside his sister back to health.

When River woke up, Simon's stony gaze met her bleary one. She shifted, feeling a sharp pain in her abdomen. She reached out for Simon, but he moved away.

"What happened?"

"You've been unconscious for a few hours. You passed out while I was working on you," Simon said tightly.

River noticed Inara beside her. Her presence felt warm and comforting and it was Inara's hand that finally filled her outstretched one. Mal stood over by the door, arms folded, face grave.

"Am I dying?" River joked. "Why are you looking at me like this?"

Inara looked at Simon, but he was leaning against the counter, as far from River as possible. He was obviously totally unable to get the words out of his mouth and tell River what was going on. "Mei mei, did you know that you're pregnant?" she asked softly.

River just gaped at her. "Pregnant. No. I didn't know," she said distantly, her reply almost mechanical.

"How could you not know?" Simon burst out. "You're psychic River!"

"Lately, I could feel a presence. I couldn't tell who it was. But sometimes I can't. That's nothing new. I had no idea that it could be my own… my own baby," River stated. Her voice was devoid of emotion and Inara didn't think the news had really sunk in.

"It's Jayne, isn't it? He's the father?" Mal asked. "I talked to him, but he ain't lettin' anything on. All he's sayin' is he didn't force himself on you, no way, no how."

"Force?" Colour rushed to River's face. "Force? Why would he do that? Even if he tried, I could kill him in five seconds!" she exclaimed. "How could you think he'd… done something to me? Simon – do you honestly think I'd let him if I didn't want to?"

Simon's expression twitched dangerously. "So you _**did**_ let him?"

River clenched a fist, closing her eyes. Her secret, their secret, hers and Jayne's, it was out, for all of them to know about, to judge. No more clandestine meetings, no more sneaking looks across the table, no more hurried clenches in the corridors while the others' backs were turned…

"Jayne and I—"

Simon cut her off. "'Jayne and I?' There shouldn't even _**be**_ any such thing!" he raged. "He is twice your age, not to mention he's tried to sell us out more times than I can count! He's hated us since we stepped foot on this ship and now you're… _**sleeping**_ with him?" he said, almost choking on the words.

"Things have been different since Miranda," River said, unable to bear the disgust on Simon's face. "We got closer. We just… we got closer."

"How long have you been hiding it?" Mal asked calmly.

"Five months," River replied plainly.

"Five months?!" Simon spluttered.

"River's been through enough! We shouldn't judge her on what's already past!" Inara spoke up, glaring. "She's got enough to deal with now!"

River looked to Inara suddenly. "Is my baby all right?"

Inara smiled warmly. "Yes. Your baby is just fine."

River nodded distantly. Her brain did the calculations in a split second – conceiving was approximately a 1 in 3.2 million chance. Then there was the splitting of the cells, division, again and again, until a clump of them were gathered, ready to morph into one whole being. These clinical computations quickly faded away through, and she felt something else take hold. Happiness. She was happy – she'd had no knowledge of this child's existence until a few moments ago… but somewhere in that back of her mind, it registered that it was hers. Her creation. A part of her. Her blood and her body.

Simon seemed empty and dazed. He shook his head, holding his hand up as if to block River from his sight. "I can't believe you kept this from me… All this time you kept this from me. I don't how you could do this."

"She's not some sort of delinquent Simon," Inara said sharply. "She's still River, she's still your sister."

"I'm not so sure," Simon said distantly, looking on the verge of tears.

"As much as I'd love to buck against the Doc's upright pomposity… I gotta agree," Mal said grimly. "This is just all kinds of wrong and indecent… and usually, I'm all for the wrong and indecent."

"Yes. Motherhood is just appalling," Inara said coldly.

"Now, you know that's not what I meant," Mal said dismissively. "What I meant, is River is havin' herself a child with a hired gun twenty years older than her. And this is the same River, the previously and mostly insane trained assassin River, who was just as like to spear us and roast us over an open fire, as she was to pick daisies and call us all Bob. _**That's**_ why this is wrong."

River looked at Mal with a crooked and mocking smile. "I'll have to get that account of me in writing and have it as a glowing reference if I ever go for another job."

"Glad to see you haven't lost your sense of humour while you were busy gettin' all knocked up," Mal returned.

"The Captain – however horrendous what he just said was – is right," Simon said stiffly. "I'm disappointed in you River."

"There's nothing to be disappointed about," River said simply.

Simon hated her easy confidence and comfort at this appalling turn of events. A baby was the last thing she needed to contend with – Jayne's baby no less. He had by no means said his last that night about River and Jayne. He didn't think he'd _**ever**_ say his last about it. He would never quite settle it rightly within his own mind. That night, his rage had run on utter adrenaline and he'd been forcibly removed from the infirmary so Jayne could talk to River. He virtually spat venom at Jayne when he saw him, but Jayne had nothing to say to him and headed straight to River.

Jayne stood uncomfortably at the door, River looking at him blearily.

"I guess I got you in the family way."

"So they tell me."

"What do we do now?"

"You think I know?"

"You're the genius."

"That doesn't help much when you're having a baby," River said witheringly. She reached out for him. "Don't stay so far away. I couldn't stand it if you hated me too. Simon's been bad enough…"

"Yeah well he's an ass," Jayne muttered, moving closer. "I just woulda liked if this came out a different way. I had to face all of them accusin' me of the worst. Like I could ever force you into anythin'. You'd kill me dead in five seconds."

"That's what _**I**_ said too!" River exclaimed.

With that, they shared a hearty laugh, and the ice was broken. He sat beside her, and took the hand that had been dangling off the bed. He didn't think about this news he'd gotten, this huge, life-changing news. He couldn't think about that right now. It was too much.

He just thought about River, lying there, needing him and that was enough. River had hardly ever needed him, but she did now, and he knew it was now or never. Step forward or step back. And so he stepped forward, because this was River, and in the five months he'd been with her, there wasn't a second he'd contemplated being with_**out**_ her.

Inara stood outside the infirmary, watching the mismatched couple talk inside. She felt strange as she watched Jayne kiss River's hand. The affection on his face was like nothing she'd seen him express before. She couldn't believe they'd kept this a secret for five months.

Mal came up behind her, tentatively wrapping his arms around her waist. "You all right?"

"I am now," she said, smiling fondly.

"Ain't it wonderful?" Mal snorted.

Looking at his Reader and his mercenary, being all couple-like, it just felt wrong. It _**looked**_ wrong. But he was being an adult about it. He hadn't threatened Jayne with the airlock or with a loaded gun or even with a severe beating. He was fairly proud of himself. He wasn't quite sure how he was going to handle this, or even if he was going to handle this. Strangely, it felt like one of those times when being captain didn't matter much – like when Zoë had said she was marrying Wash and there was nothing he could do to stop her. Kind like that.

"Mal," Inara said gently. "I have to tell you something."

"I'm all ears," he said, resting his chin on her head.

"This happened to me once."

"This?"

"What almost happened to River. But it wasn't 'almost' with me. It _**did**_ happen. I was pregnant and I had a miscarriage," Inara whispered, revealing something she'd told no one in ten years.

Mal was silent with shock. "Why didn't you ever tell me?" he finally said.

Inara fought to remain composed. "I didn't know how. It hurt for a long time. It's part of the reason why I distanced myself from the Guild. When I met you, it was after I'd just reached my wit's end. I'd spent seven years trying to escape the pain, but it never went away. So I ran to the black… and found you."

"I'm glad you did," he said distantly, trying to comprehend this news.

"So am I."

**-O-**

The first of only two people she'd told, until Mal, hadn't been so understanding. Her mother stood before her, her eyes blazing with untold fury.

"How could you be so utterly stupid Inara?" Lenora Serra raged, red spots of anger marring her beautiful face.

Eighteen year old Inara looked away, her swollen eyes staring at the floor.

She'd only been a registered Companion for six months. Everything was so new. She'd gotten caught up in the elegance, in the extravagance, in the excitement. Everywhere she went, men and women alike envied and desired her. She was a tantalising, unattainable enigma, and people were mesmerised. It was all so much to comprehend, something was bound to slip, _**she**_ was bound to slip. And she had.

Oscar Oseman, High Senator of Sihnon, had unknowingly fathered a child with the exotic, gorgeous Companion he'd employed for a month-long diplomatic trip across the Core worlds. But where was this gorgeous Companion to find solace now? She wasn't the composed woman she appeared to her clients, all seven that she'd had in her short career. In reality, she was a child, a girl, and she hadn't been ready for the life of a Companion, not yet.

And now both she and her mother were to face shame and embarrassment. Her mother of course, had gotten pregnant with Inara while working as a Companion as well, in her mid-twenties. She'd never revealed the father's name to Inara, and probably to no one else either. She'd become revered and respected because of her strength and persistence. She'd raised an illegitimate child and still managed to continue a high-flying career as a Companion.

"I'm sorry Mother. I didn't mean to disappoint you," Inara said softly.

"Well you have," Lenora said sharply.

She wasn't the kind, serene woman she often appeared to be. Lerona Serra had a fiery temper and an iron will. She hadn't managed to raise a child and continue a busy career without sacrifice. Something had had to suffer, and usually, it had been Inara. She wasn't close to her daughter, and didn't even pretend to be. Inara confided in others, rather than her own mother, but she couldn't possibly have told anyone else this news. She was too ashamed.

Lenora surveyed her coldly. "You have two options Inara. You rid yourself of this child immediately, and continue with an illustrious career, saying no more of it. Or you have this child, and you condemn yourself forever."

"But you had a child _**and**_ a career. You weren't condemned, why should I be?" Inara said desperately.

"Because you are no Lerona Serra. You have none of my finesse, I am sad to say. You couldn't possibly pull off the glorious phoenix from the ashes performance I did," she replied disdainfully. "It was only through my power and my popularity that I prevented myself from enduring life-long shame. You have been a Companion for just six months. You have no contacts, no friends in high places to fall back on. You are alone Inara. If you have this child, you must retreat into seclusion and remove yourself from public life. Could you do that?"

Inara went to the window, gazing out on the beauty of Sihnon. "Why should I have to? Having a child without a husband is no shame."

"No, of course it isn't – not for ordinary women. But it _**is**_ for a Companion. We are of a different class to everyone else. We are a law unto ourselves. We have our own customs and rules. Having a child by a client is unacceptable. If wealthy men think we are trying to trap them into fatherhood none will want to employ us!"

"I don't want to have to choose between my child and my career," Inara said quietly.

"But you _**do**_ have to choose," Lenora stated. "You are not ready for a child, Inara."

"I wasn't ready to be a Companion either," Inara said emptily.

"You should have thought of that before you slipped into High Senator Oseman's bed," Lenora spat archly.

With that she stalked out of the room, slamming the door. Inara flinched. What was she supposed to do? How could she make this decision? For some days she stayed alone, battling with herself over this. She was still undecided when a news report came over the Cortex, saying that High Senator Oseman had returned from a conference on Persephone.

A thrill of fear ran through Inara. Could she do it? Could she tell him? Maybe he was her answer! Maybe if Oscar Oseman acknowledged that he'd fathered this child, and didn't accuse her of trying to trap him or something, maybe then she could have this baby _**and**_ continue her career. Maybe her mother was wrong! Inara waved Oseman's office on a spur of the moment whim, and requested a private meeting with him the following day.

Her nerves troubled her all night. She hardly slept at all. She went back on her decision to tell the High Senator a thousand times. By time she was scheduled to meet him, she was totally unsure of herself, and totally unsure of what his reaction would be. But she put on a brave face and her most gorgeous dress. The red and golden gown accentuated her shapely hips and chest, and brought colour to her pale face. It gave her confidence and she piloted her shuttle to Oseman's private residence with a clear head.

He came out to meet her on the landing pad with an energetic smile. As she disembarked, a terrified flutter ran through her at the sight of him. He was incredibly handsome, his jet black hair falling endearingly in his eyes now and then. He was nearly twenty years older than her, but his face was smooth and unlined, his green eyes friendly and wide. He was tall, 6"3', and had large, broad shoulders, which Inara had always loved, but today, she was just intimidated by his stature.

"High Senator Oseman," she greeted him.

He embraced her, kissing her cheek. "None of that. It's Oscar to you."

"Oscar."

He gazed at her affectionately. "Come. I have lunch laid out for us."

He took her hand in an achingly familiar way, and led her through his exquisite house and out onto a grand balcony, where a sumptuous meal was set out. Sitting across the table from her, he stared at her fondly, giving her big smiles as they began the meal.

"I can't tell you how wonderful it is to see you again. You look superb," he enthused.

"Thank you."

"I said to myself, when I return from Persephone, I'm calling Miss Serra again, and I'm taking her to the opera," Oscar laughed. "How you loved the opera the last time we went."

"I did," Inara replied, without any enthusiasm whatsoever. "I always have."

Oscar frowned. "Is there something the matter?"

Inara swallowed hard. She supposed there was no point prolonging this. "Oscar… I'm ashamed to admit this, but I have made a mistake. I've failed you, as a Companion and as a friend."

Oscar put down his glass and leaned forward. "My Lord, is it as bad as all that?"

"Oscar, during our time together, I became pregnant. I'm carrying your child," Inara said quickly, pointedly avoiding his eyes.

When there was utter silence, she dared to look up at him. He was staring at her, stunned.

"I… I'm…" Oscar stood up, going to the balcony wall. "Inara, I am at a loss."

"I'm not here to demand anything of you. I just wanted to tell you Oscar, because I value your friendship so much," she said softly. "As a Companion, I have committed the worst sin there is – becoming pregnant by a client."

Oscar turned to look at her. "Then as a client, I too have committed the worst sin there is – I fell in love with a woman I couldn't have."

Inara was beyond stunned. "What?"

"As you know, I was married. My ex-wife was unable to have children, and it tore us apart. I'm thirty-five Inara. I have longed for a child, I have longed to be able to share this house, this wealth with my offspring. I never imagined I would get the opportunity to do so this soon, let alone with a woman so very young…" Oscar went to her, kneeling and taking her hands. "But I cannot pretend I am unhappy about this Inara. You are a beauty, a wonder, and I have longed for you every moment we've been apart. The thought of you bearing my child is an absolute delight to me."

Inara couldn't form words. She merely stared at Oscar. She hadn't expected such a reaction, not by a long shot. Acceptance is all she'd wanted. This – this was so astonishing.

"Inara, if you would have me, I'm yours. I don't expect my love to be returned, I don't expect anything, but for you to allow me to be a father to this child."

"Allow? Allow?" She was incredulous. "Oscar, I would be utterly _**thrilled**_ if you were to be a part of this child's life," she breathed.

The next few hours passed in a blur of delight and elation for Inara. Oscar was excited and ecstatic. He swept Inara up in his happiness, and she was finally able to enjoy the prospect of having a child. His child. She was having High Senator Oscar Oseman's child – and he wanted it! He wanted her! Her mother had been wrong. She would not be cast out, at least not by the person that mattered.

She didn't know what was going to happen between her and Oscar. She didn't know if she was ready to live with him. She didn't know if she felt enough for him yet to commit to him. But she knew that she was supported in this, she knew she wasn't alone. That was enough.

She departed Oscar's mansion that evening in a haze of joy, but it was quickly dulled by her mother's reaction.

"You _**told**_ him? Are you quite insane?" Lenora shouted.

But there were no tears from Inara this time. She merely smiled. "Yes Mother, I told him. And he was _**wonderful**_."

Lenora sneered, laughing mockingly. "Oh I'm sure. The High Senator of Sihnon has accepted an eighteen year old Companion, an undistinguished and unrefined Companion at that, as the mother of his child?"

Inara, as always, was taken aback by her mother's blunt disdain. She was sure she should've been used to such insults by now, but she didn't think she'd ever be used to it. She took a deep breath. She wouldn't let her mother ruin this.

"Yes Mother. He's accepted me. More than that, he wants me. Not just the baby, but me. He said he's fallen for me since our time together. He's ecstatic."

"This is utterly ridiculous!" Lenora said shrilly. "Unheard of."

"Maybe it's simply unheard of to _**you**_," Inara stated coolly. She realised something then, something she should've thought of long ago. "You told him, didn't you? My father. And he didn't want to know. He didn't want _**you**_. That's why you can't stand to see Oscar want me and this baby. Well, I'm sorry Mother, but Oscar is an honourable man, a brilliant man. And even if he hadn't supported me in this, I know I never would have become like you – twisted and bitter. That would have been worse than any shame or condemnation."

Lenora's face contorted into a mask of fury and she slapped Inara across the face. "Do not speak to me like this. You are a disgrace to the Serra name."

Inara gripped her stinging face. "No Mother. I'm a credit to the Serra name," she said shortly. "_**You**_ are the disgrace."

The rift between Lenora Serra and her daughter became well-known in the years following that night, and the public embarrassment that Lenora had so desperately wanted to avoid became, in the end, utterly _**un**_avoidable.

Inara retreated into Oscar's safe embrace, vowing to see out her pregnancy in comfort and contentment. But it was not to be. The day before Oscar was about to announce the news about his and Inara's baby to all of Sihnon, everything fell apart. Inara had been feeling strange all day, and finally a horrible pain shot down her arm and across her chest, and she collapsed at the foot of the grand staircase in his mansion. She woke up the following day in a lavish room in a private hospital.

Oscar's grave and tearful face was the first thing she saw. He reached out and gripped her hand, forcing a smile.

"My Inara, my sweet Inara."

"It's gone. The baby's gone," she said in an empty voice.

"Yes, my darling. I'm so very sorry," Oscar murmured.

Inara listened to the doctors over the next few days, blandly taking in everything they said. An ectopic pregnancy. It had been an ectopic pregnancy. There was nothing anyone could have done. Nothing at all. Her baby had never had a chance. She was informed that she had internal injuries that may require her to have a hysterectomy in later years. Her uterus was damaged; one of her fallopian tubes severely so. She may never be able to conceive naturally, and if she did, she probably wouldn't ever carry a child to term. They couldn't help her, only her own body could heal the damage now.

Oscar was wonderful of course; he tried to be her rock, even though he was clearly devastated himself. Inara found herself keeping him at arm's length though. She had to grapple with this herself and she couldn't do it seeing his grief as well. It was too much. Despite the fact that Oscar Oseman clearly loved her dearly, Inara didn't stay with him. She didn't marry him, like he begged her to. She took a sabbatical from work, and she travelled.

When she returned, five months after her miscarriage, she reunited with Oscar, but she couldn't bear to become close to him again. Every few months, he would take her off on holiday, opera trips included, but she never succumbed to loving him. She couldn't.

When she decided to join Serenity, and become a travelling Companion, Oscar had probably been the one to miss her the most, even out of all of her Guild friends. But they'd been one another's shoulder to lean on for six years. They'd become mired in their grief over their lost baby, and neither had ever truly moved on.

Oscar was still without a wife, without any children. He was still waiting for Inara Serra to return from the black and give him the life he'd wanted with her. Inara couldn't bear to contact him and tell him she'd already met the man she was going to give that life to. Someday, she knew he'd find out and be devastated. If she gathered up the courage, perhaps she'd be the one to tell him. But for now, she left that life-that-never-was behind. It was gone, just like the baby-that-never-was.

What she had now was Mal, and Serenity, and her wonderful friends. Even if she never had the children she so desperately wanted, at least she still had everyone else.

**-O-**

Inara paced her shuttle, one hand clutching her stomach, her fingers digging painfully into her flesh. She felt that same old grief overcome her again. It was a wound that had never really healed, no matter how much time passed, no matter how far she ran. There were four women aboard Serenity, and two of them had or would bear a child. Kaylee probably wouldn't be far behind, judging from the envious looks she cast Zoë and River.

All of them were healthy and fertile, while Inara felt utterly barren. She was in the prime of her youth, she should have been a blossoming flower, instead she felt like a rotting, twisted root.

She had no idea what Mal's views on children were, it wasn't something they'd talked about yet. They were only just managing to deal with one another, let alone their future. But she'd often watched Mal walk about the ship with Hobie following in his wake copying his moves. She saw how Mal delighted in the boy and treated him like his own. She'd even seen Mal drop to his knees before River's stomach and shouts silly orders at the unborn child curled inside. However surly and cynical he was, however dangerous his life was, Inara knew Mal was the kind of man who was perfect for fatherhood.

So Inara needed to know. She needed to know for sure. Because her life had righted itself again. She was Inara Serra the woman, finally, and Malcolm Reynolds had helped her to become her. She wanted to know if she'd ever be able to complete his life, like he'd completed hers.

With a heavy heart, she walked to the infirmary, and heard high-pitched laughter. Kaylee, covered in engine oil, stood like a cheerful, life-sized stain on the clean white backdrop of the infirmary. Simon was tidying some drawers, gingerly guiding Kaylee away from anything she might brush against. Inara hung back until Kaylee left the infirmary, purposely passing up against the doorframe just to annoy Simon and leaving a long black streak of oil.

Simon shouted half-hearted threats after her and clucked like a mother hen over the dirty doorframe.

Inara stepped out of the shadows. "Am I interrupting some spring cleaning?"

"No… it's just Kaylee's handiwork," Simon sighed. "Come on in. I'll see to that later."

"I just wanted you to give me a check up," Inara said in a choked voice.

"Oh? But you just had one. Do you feel ill or something?"

Inara wrung her hands. "No it's just… Simon… You know of course, that being a registered Companion, the Guild requires me to have two annual medical evaluations. I… I've never had them check _**everything**_. One thing, in particular. I suppose, I've been afraid to know the truth, and I didn't want them to tell me the worst."

Simon tossed his cleaning rag in a nearby sink, and placed a hand on his hip. "What's this about Inara?"

"I had an ectopic pregnancy ten years ago, and it gave me internal injuries," Inara said in all of a rush. "They told me I might never be able to have children, and I just wanted to know for certain. Finally. I just want to lay all my worries to rest, once and for all. I just… I just want to _**know**_."

Simon stared at her, gaping for a moment. He pushed aside his compassion and his shock for Inara as a friend, and became her doctor. He smiled that shining smile of professionalism that had reassured all his patients in his time as a doctor. "Of course. Let's get to work then."

An hour or so later, the Mule came trundling into the cargo bay. Mal hopped out, cheerfully shouting orders, and went to stand at the entrance, hands on his hips. A job well done. No one got angry, no one got trigger-happy, no one got shot. But that's not to say no one got hurt. He cringed on thinking about what River's knife had done to that one guy's foot.

But in any case, he had cash in hand. He could pay his crew, put food on the table, more importantly, take Inara out for a fine dinner in a fine restaurant. A restaurant where you couldn't hear the owners killing the livestock out back, like the last one he'd had the misfortune to bring her to.

Kaylee skipped into the cargo hold, holding hands with Hobie. "Everything shiny?"

Mal beamed. "Shiny as a really, really shiny thing!"

"You have a wonderful way with words sir. Really," Zoë stated, kissing her son as she passed by.

"I think Kaylee might be gettin' herself a whole crate o' strawberries with her pay this month!" he exclaimed to Hobie.

Kaylee squeaked and picked Hobie up, spinning him around.

"I take it all went well?" Simon called from the upper level.

Mal grinned up at him. "Doc, it went superb. One man has a few less toes 'cause of your sister here, but other than that…"

Jayne smirked at River proudly. "You do enjoy skewerin' folk with that knife, dontcha?"

"He was rude to Mal. I don't like rude people," River said simply.

"Oh, you best watch out then Jayne. You're the rudest fella ever to walk, talk and spit," Mal chortled.

"Well I always sleep with one eye open anyhow," Jayne snarked back.

When Inara swept out behind Simon on the walk, Mal's face lit up. He took the stairs three at a time and landed with a breathless thump beside her.

"Quite an entrance Captain Reynolds," she exclaimed.

He grabbed her and spun her around, eliciting a surprised scream from her. River looked up at them, and met eyes with Inara over Mal's shoulder. Inara smiled widely, her eyes sparkling.

River smiled back. "I knew Simon could help her," she murmured.

Inara Serra let Malcolm Reynolds spin her about until she was dizzy with glee. And River couldn't help but notice the vibrant pink flush in Inara's cheeks, somewhat like a blossoming flower.

**-O-**


End file.
